Should I tell her that he cheated?

[Namechange125]

Me and my friend had a one night stand almost 2 years ago, I then found out I was pregnant and we decided to keep the baby, Dd is now 10months. We are still good friends and we have a good co parenting relationship. He got into a relationship with a woman about a year ago.

Yesterday, me and my friend went out for drinks, he'd already booked a hotel room but I didn't think anything of it. We were tipsy and he asked me back to his room, I asked about his partner and he told me they'd split up. We had sex and then went to sleep. This morning, I woke up at about 8 and his partner was calling him, and she called him about 3 times. So they hadn't broken up.

Wibu to tell her that he cheated?

So, you spent the evening drinking and talking but at no point did he mention that he and his gf had split up. It was only when you asked about her at the point you were about to have sex that the gf came up?

Your "friend" is clearly dishonest and untrustworthy.

You clearly make very bad judgments when he is around. (He'd booked a hotel room but you "didn't think anything of it").

A smart woman would learn from that going forward.

Do you want to be in a relationship with him Op?

If you tell her, who would you be doing it for? Her, out of some ‘loyalty to the sisterhood’ thing? Or you, because you feel angry he lied (assuming he did and these calls weren’t because they’re still in the final throws of the break-up)? Or because you like having the option of friends with benefits and she gets in the way? I can’t believe a light bulb didn’t click on when he said he’d booked a hotel.

Even if he has definitely lied to you and he’s still with this woman, the relationship might be over this time next month or year anyway. You will be co-parenting with him until one of you dies. Do you really want to cause a permanent rift in that relationship because someone you don’t know ‘deserves to know’? Or because you’re a bit pissed off at feeling used? Or in the vain hope that his girlfriend will get out of the way and leave the way clear for you to have some fun when you want it? Delete as applicable.

Don’t tell her why would you? Don’t get involved. Your daughter is your
Priority and it’s better to have a good co parenting relationship. Just don’t sleep with him again.

you spent the evening drinking and talking but at no point did he mention that he and his gf had split up. It was only when you asked about her at the point you were about to have sex that the gf came up?
Very suss.

As one of you need to look after the child, I’m really perplexed by the situation

Not just perplexed but really perplexed. Really? Have you not heard of babysitters? Are you not familiar with the concept of trusted family members looking after a child to allow the parents go out? There’s nothing really perplexing about that situation, unless you happen to be extremely sheltered and quite stupid, frankly.

Wow there are some assholes on this thread.

OP you need to ascertain whether he lied to get you into bed. She might have been trying to get hold of him because she’s left stuff at his place.

If they are together I wouldn’t tell her so much as go nuts at him about lying to get you to consent to sex.

Jesus some of the utter misogynistic replies here are crazy. woman has sex just cos she wants to wtf is wrong with that.

That aside I would tell her purely because if my partner cheated I would want to know.

Ask him about her - “I noticed you had 3 missed calls from X. You said you’d split up, what’s going on?”

As one of you need to look after the child, I’m really perplexed by the situation. Sure a grandparent could be looking after the child

OP has already said her mum was looking after the baby. You can stop panicking!

You are too funny 😂 I can imagine my (deeply fucking sexist and judgemental) mother getting herself all frothed up over something like this too.

Guess what? Women can have sex for fun. Even when they aren't in a relationship. It's none of your business and the fact that you have some weird moral superiority complex doesn't make their behaviour wrong or shameful. That's your issue. No-one cares.

And "really perplexed" that neither of the parents was with the baby? Give me strength. If it makes it easier for you, image a married couple with a baby. Some of us go places together without our kids too! Shocking I know. We do usually make sure they are with a grandparent, relative or responsible babysitter. At the very least we leave the radio on for them and make sure their water bowl is full 😉

Thing is, OP went out with him knowing he’d booked a hotel room. As she’s slept with him before she clearly knew what was on the cards and was happy to go along with that. Fair enough, she’s an adult and free to sleep with who she likes.

Except that when this man’s ex rings she decides that they must be together and wants to go and tell her that he’s spent the night with her.

This can only go wrong for her.

if he’s with the gf still, then she’s going to ruin her co parenting relationship with him, and whatever people say about whether he’s brought it on himself, by telling the OP will be part of that process, and will have brought it on her daughter.

If he and the GF are not together, then the OP is going to look like a smug cow wanting to gloat that she’s been having sex with this man, and presumably the GF (or ex GF) is only going to be hurt by that.

No good can come from telling anyone. Just don’t have sex with him again.

@AlternativePerspective has put it in a nutshell.

Wow there are some assholes on this thread.
What is with all the name calling on threads lately? Part of aibu is to ask questions, if pps question things embellished to support the OP that don't make sense the name callers arrive with you're a meany etc.
This is not Dear Deidre.
It's hard to believe you'd spend a night drinking not mentioning his other half in a two way conversation.

I don't think op is being entirely truthful here.
But the only thing that is the ops business is the welfare of the dc.
By talking to the gf/ex gf,the co parenting relationship could be compromised .
Keep quiet.

@ohthatbloodycat

This doesn't ring true to me. So during the course of your whole evening out together, he doesn't mention the tiny fact that he had split from his partner? What on earth did you talk about all night??

Have you never been out for a drink with someone? Or had a conversation? 😂😂😂

This is her friend of long-standing who she co-parents with, why would their conversation need to revolve around his love life.

The whole scenario is totally plausible to me. Maybe you’re just out of touch?

Yep tell her.

Why haven't you asked if you're unsure, a missed call proves nothing unless you know they're still together.
I'm surprised if you've a close relationship why can't you ask a question that very much concerns you.

I think you ought to get an sti test regardless of whether you used contraception to ensure your health.

Its your decision whether to tell her. Clearly you dont want a relationship with a cheater?

If you tell her id do it on the sly and bunp into her and brazenly say you cant believe you ended up in bed with him after so long. Make out you assumed they had split - when he finds out come at it that you assumed they were broken up as you cant believe he would cheat on her.

Regardless of your coparenting relationship he cant expect you to hide his infidelity and if he starts acting up that reflects on his inability to act like an adult and do right by your child. You shouldnt have to hide stuff and dance to his tune to make him be a good co parent and dad.

@Mummybasketball yes she had sex with him and got pregnant; that doesn’t mean that will happen every time and that she should avoid having sex with him ever again! What on earth is that logic

Have you never been out for a drink with someone? Or had a conversation? 😂😂😂
This is her friend of long-standing who she co-parents with, why would their conversation need to revolve around his love life. The whole scenario is totally plausible to me. Maybe you’re just out of touch?

Oh come on - be serious. If I went for a night out with a ‘long-standing friend’ and they didn’t tell me they’d split up with their partner, I’d find that pretty weird. It doesn’t have to be the only topic of conversation, but the idea that it’s somehow laughable that it would even come up? I think YOU’RE the one that’s out of touch.

I’m not one of these posters judging the OP for who she wants to sleep with, but I’m also not going to believe she had no inkling sex was on the menu. She really didn’t even think to ask about the girlfriend before heading to the hotel room?

@ PippiStocking but the OP went out with him and was happy for him to have booked a hotel room. She knew that sex was on the cards, you don’t book a hotel room with someone if you don’t believe you’re likely to sleep with them, especially not someone you’ve previously had a sexual relationship with.

And you’re honestly saying that the OP didn’t ask this good friend once how his partner was/how things are, and yet when the gf rang she automatically jumped to the conclusion that he’d lied to her?

I suspect she didn’t actually ask him, and that she was quite happy to jump into bed with him. Then when the gf (or ex gf) rang she has felt betrayed, even though it’s entirely possible the man and gf aren’t together any more.

It seems clear that the OP wants him back and doesn’t want him to have any communication with other women. I’m guessing she wouldn’t be happy if the gf at the time had had communication with her?

I don’t understand how her calling means they are still together…

@AlternativePerspective

@ PippiStocking but the OP went out with him and was happy for him to have booked a hotel room. She knew that sex was on the cards, you don’t book a hotel room with someone if you don’t believe you’re likely to sleep with them, especially not someone you’ve previously had a sexual relationship with.

And you’re honestly saying that the OP didn’t ask this good friend once how his partner was/how things are, and yet when the gf rang she automatically jumped to the conclusion that he’d lied to her?

I suspect she didn’t actually ask him, and that she was quite happy to jump into bed with him. Then when the gf (or ex gf) rang she has felt betrayed, even though it’s entirely possible the man and gf aren’t together any more.

It seems clear that the OP wants him back and doesn’t want him to have any communication with other women. I’m guessing she wouldn’t be happy if the gf at the time had had communication with her?

Yaaaaasss think she knew he was still with gf all along, now she feels jealous that he's going back to his girlfriend today and wants to ruin it under the guise of "honesty"

No, I don't have feelings for him. I asked about his girlfriend when he asked me back to his hotel room and he told me that they had split up. I didn't ask about her before as I didn't think there was reason too.