Over not sharing bedroom with dsd

[Dustydolly]

Don't know of I'm being a complete over reacting drama queen here or if my dp is being twatty disney dad.

10 year old Dsd has come to stay for 2 weeks, she shares a room here with her step sibling, has a bed with space for her belongings etc. But she has insisted on sleeping in a blow up bed in my and dps bedroom.

This has been happening quite a lot over the past couple of months, she's woken up in the night saying she's had a nightmare or doesn't feel too well and wants to get in our bed, personally I'm not comfortable sharing a bed with dsd so on these occasions I'll swap beds with her however tonight she has come and said she's staying in our room for the whole 2 weeks. I tried to talk to dp about this and said no, she should be sleeping in her bed and I'm not happy to sleep in a bottom bunk for 2 weeks, Well guess where I am because dsd got her way and dp has just ignored my feelings on it, I suppose it annoys me even more because if my ds (not his child) tries climbing in our bed or there's any mention of him sleeping anywhere but in his bed, in his room, dp throws a hissy fit and says absolutely not, he's in his bed and that's that.
AIBU or is he?

[JesusIsAnyNameFree]

I would leave.

[timeisnotaline]

I’d be back in my bed tonight, and tell dp he can sleep wherever he wants, but I’m in my bed and dsd is not. Asshole.

[QueenBee52]

@timeisnotaline

I’d be back in my bed tonight, and tell dp he can sleep wherever he wants, but I’m in my bed and dsd is not. Asshole.

yip send them to the Sofas

[Stompythedinosaur]

I don't think her wanting to be in her df's room is terrible, but I think that the inequity in how she is treated and how your ds is treated is a huge issue.

[Maddison12]

No no no, if that's how your partner wants it then he can sleep in her room (obviously only if your dd is at her dad's). You're the adult here, children don't get to force you out of your bed.

[choli]

@KatherineOfGaunt

Tell him that you and your DS will be in your room tonight and he and his DD can have the bunk beds? If he says no to that, ask him why is it okay for it to happen the other way round.

This.

[avamiah]

No No No
Firstly she is 10 and should not be sleeping in anybody’s bed apart from her own, the same room is completely fine but not your bed .
I have a daughter who is 11 and the days of her jumping into our bed finished many years ago.
It’s totally unacceptable behaviour.
Stand your ground and say No Way.

[GoldBar]

I've asked dp tonight why she won't sleep in her bed and all I get is a text from him "she doesn't want to"

Text back "well, I want to sleep in my bed and guess which one of us contributes to the bills".

DP can sleep on the floor in your DD's room if he needs to be in the same room as DSD.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

@QueenBee52

Do NOT buy a house with this Man...

and repeat ...

This. It is ok for your dsd is feeling uncomfortable about sleeping alone and wants to be with her dad. Quite another that when your ds feels the same he is treated differently.

[BasicDad]

First...ignore militant melodramatic MNetters (prob should have posted somewhere else than aibu).

Second...there are no right and wrong answers for any family situation. However, everyone's feelings should be considered (especially yours) and try to work from there.

Your partner could feel like he's stuck between a rock and a hard place. You all need to talk a no it more and get your feelings on the table.

Worst case, there's no compromise. I'd be surprised if it comes to that though.

[Lotsalotsagiggles]

Have you both sat down and asked her why she's doesn't want to?

Maybe a trip put shopping together with her dad where she can pick a mew duvet cover and some things for her bed may help her feel extra special instead and she'll be excited Re sleeping there?

[QueenBee52]

@BasicDad

First...ignore militant melodramatic MNetters (prob should have posted somewhere else than aibu).

Second...there are no right and wrong answers for any family situation. However, everyone's feelings should be considered (especially yours) and try to work from there.

Your partner could feel like he's stuck between a rock and a hard place. You all need to talk a no it more and get your feelings on the table.

Worst case, there's no compromise. I'd be surprised if it comes to that though.

so what is your actual advice ?

[BasicDad]

Autocorrect kicked in. Soz.

"You all need to talk about it more and get your feelings on the table."

[BunnytheFriendlyDragon]

Of course he is being unreasonable

Why did you agree to leaving the bed??

[arcof]

I'll go against the grain here and say as a step mum you have to have a soft line on this. The child has a broken family unit and is obviously needing the time with her dad. I think however they should do sleepovers in the lounge or something so that you can enjoy your bed. That's what we did. You should get to sleep In your bed and he needs to sort another sleeping space where she can share with him.

[QueenBee52]

what's clear here.. is that she does not want to engage with anyone but her Father .. and he actively encourages this behaviour .. this is not a blended family.. you are definitely Them and Us..

Time you made your plans to leave OP. 🌸

[IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves]

Don't move beds. Tell him he can shift. When your dd is not there he gets to go in the bunk bed. When she is, well, he can sleep on the floor, sofa, wherever.
You need to stand up to this. You leaving your bed is absolutely the wrong thing to do. Even if the 3 of you are squeezed in like sardines you still need to do it because it's the only way it'll stand a chance of stopping.

Tbh, I'd call time on the relationship but it doesn't sound like that's what you want to do so if you're staying then make a stand. Make it inconvenient for them and see how long co sleeping with a ten year old carries on!

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Ah, you KNOW HIBU, not you. You can't have one rule for one, and a different rule for the other, how very fucking rude and divisive!

I'd seriously consider making the move out of his bed permanent, and moving either him or you out entirely, depending on who has dibs on the house.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Also, the thing about her insisting she's staying in your room with her Dad the entire 2 weeks, knowing that you will move out into your DD's room when she does, is her marking her territory, it really is.

Your DP allowing it shows that his boundaries are sadly at fault. I don't see any resolution here unless he tells her that this is not ok.

[SaltySheepdog]

She should be on the floor on a mattress if she’s in your room rather then in your bed.

The moment your 15 year old leaves for her dads relocate DsD and DP into her room and enjoy the peace of the Mai bedroom

[Guineapigbridge]

Sorry but co-sleeping with a child that old shows a serious lack of boundaries. Hard no from me, however sad they are.

[Guineapigbridge]

A sleepover together from time to time is a good idea though.

[EccentricaGalumbits]

It's your son's main home and he has his own room.

Your DSD it's second home that she probably feels a visitor in and has to bunk in with someone else she may or not feel that comfortable with.

They're not really comparable situations are they?

[GetTaeFuck]

Your DP is taking the fucking piss.

Don’t buy a bigger house with him, leave him.

Your DS is being treated like shit and so are you.

[BunnytheFriendlyDragon]

@EccentricaGalumbits

It's your son's main home and he has his own room.

Your DSD it's second home that she probably feels a visitor in and has to bunk in with someone else she may or not feel that comfortable with.

They're not really comparable situations are they?

Of course they are comparable situations.

Lots of children share rooms and OP said she often had the room to herself.