Over not sharing bedroom with dsd

[Dustydolly]

Don't know of I'm being a complete over reacting drama queen here or if my dp is being twatty disney dad.

10 year old Dsd has come to stay for 2 weeks, she shares a room here with her step sibling, has a bed with space for her belongings etc. But she has insisted on sleeping in a blow up bed in my and dps bedroom.

This has been happening quite a lot over the past couple of months, she's woken up in the night saying she's had a nightmare or doesn't feel too well and wants to get in our bed, personally I'm not comfortable sharing a bed with dsd so on these occasions I'll swap beds with her however tonight she has come and said she's staying in our room for the whole 2 weeks. I tried to talk to dp about this and said no, she should be sleeping in her bed and I'm not happy to sleep in a bottom bunk for 2 weeks, Well guess where I am because dsd got her way and dp has just ignored my feelings on it, I suppose it annoys me even more because if my ds (not his child) tries climbing in our bed or there's any mention of him sleeping anywhere but in his bed, in his room, dp throws a hissy fit and says absolutely not, he's in his bed and that's that.
AIBU or is he?

[Cuddlyrottweiler]

Personally I'd push through the discomfort of sharing a room with her. Stay in your bed, keep your half of the bed, he can share HIS half of the bed with DSD and maybe he'll realise it's not actually reasonable when he's the one making sacrifices. As it stands, he isn't being inconvenienced at all.

[Coffeepot72]

OP, you are definitely not being unreasonable. But if you had posted this in ‘Stepparenting’ you would have received totally different responses, ie the DSD must always get her own way because she has separated parents …

[MeridianB]

@Coffeepot72

OP, you are definitely not being unreasonable. But if you had posted this in ‘Stepparenting’ you would have received totally different responses, ie the DSD must always get her own way because she has separated parents …

Those responses on the SP board are not from step parents, though…

[TacoSunday]

Agree with previous points made. One practical solution if DSD wants to sleep in with her Dad is to buy a double blow up bed for them to sleep on in the lounge. When your DP objects, just say she’s it going to want to sleep in with him long term.

[Hemingwaycat]

She’s 10 so YANBU at all. If she were 3 or maybe 4 it might be more understandable but 10 is ridiculous. I’d be worried about a 10 year old wanting to cosleep all of a sudden, there must be something going on with her mentally. You shouldn’t have to vacate your own bed for a fortnight, your DH is being ridiculous.

[Killahangilion]

No, no, no! She does not get to dictate sleeping arrangements.
You wouldn’t accept that nonsense from your own children, so DSD needs to understand that she IS being treated the same as the other children.

Sounds like a power play by your DSD (understandable) and your DP needs to be the one to resolve this, not you. Tell him to sleep on a blow up mattress in her room, until a better solution can be found.

Do not move out of your bed or your bedroom.

[MeridianB]

OP, no way should you leave your bed. Your partner is being ridiculous.

Does he live with you full time or does he have his own place?

Does your son’s bedroom have room for them both? Then he can come in with you.

Agree with PP that you should put brakes on buying somewhere with him. He needs to understand what’s causing this and address it/support his DD.

[ohthatbloodycat]

Another harmonious blended family thread
Your partner is putting his child first, which is as it should be. What this means for you and your son, I don't know.
I doubt his daughter is doing this to be a brat though. All behaviour is communication. Has anyone tried talking to her about how she's feeling?
She shouldn't be forced at her age to share a room with a boy.

[omgthepain]

She's 10 not 2!
I'd speak to her mum first but I'd
Get rid of the blow up bed and put it away in the attic or somewhere and tell her if she wants to stay that's her bed with the other kids and that she (presumably?!?!) doesn't do this at her mums so it's not acceptable here

I'd be annoyed too but I absolutely wouldn't be stopping beds, or putting blow up beds up - that's giving her the opportunity demand what she wants.

She has a bed that's where she sleeps end of

Plus how about the other children in the house? This could upset them if they think she doesn't want to share and also what would you do if they all wanted to come in with you? That would be ridiculous

My advice - nip it in the bud!!!

[JesusIsAnyNameFree]

@ohthatbloodycat

Another harmonious blended family thread
Your partner is putting his child first, which is as it should be. What this means for you and your son, I don't know.
I doubt his daughter is doing this to be a brat though. All behaviour is communication. Has anyone tried talking to her about how she's feeling?
She shouldn't be forced at her age to share a room with a boy.

Well, isn't it lucky then that she shares with a girl?!

[SueSaid]

Well I'm going totally against thr grain here but well done her df for clearly prioritising his dd. Many nrps on mn seem to drop them once they get a second family.

Look, this is not ideal but as a pp said 'Children don’t become siblings just because their parents decide to move in together. You can’t just impose that relationship. If she isn’t comfortable with the lack of privacy with someone who isn’t a member of her family, then that really should be respected'.

For whatever reason she doesn't want to share with your 15yr old dd, she obviously has attachment issues and for the sake of a 10yr olds mh I would just go with it. She won't be doing it when she's a teen but at the moment she needs to be close to her df.

Kids aren't always 'manipulative'. They can have emotional issues that need an empathetic approach.

[50ShadesOfCatholic]

Jesus god no way would I let my 10yo daughter share a bedroom with a 15yo boy. This is so inappropriate. You need new sleeping arrangements.

[TacoSunday]

It’s really normal for children to want to sleep in with their parents when there has been disruption to their lives (eg marital break up). This is why I think a blow up mattress for them both could be the answer.

Another solution would just be to live independently until they are older.

[MushMonster]

To me, you were unreasonable till you said he points blank refuses to hapve your son doing similar, at least some times!
I think it is just normal for children to want to be close to their parents at night, especially if they are not together regularly. It will not last that long at all. Soon they reach the age they will not be seen anywhere close to the parent! LOL
It should not interfere with anyones sleep though. So allow a bit of sleepy time before actual bed, getting them asleep with you, then transfer to own bed for the night, or sleepy time in the morning (not too early). Or full night if any of the parents is not home.
It should not mean that you are uncomfortable for two whole weeks! No way. A compromise is needed here.
BUT... both children are equal, he should treat them equal, or if it was me, he would be leaving the house forever and ever, to never return!

[HestersSamplerofCarrots]

@50ShadesOfCatholic

Jesus god no way would I let my 10yo daughter share a bedroom with a 15yo boy. This is so inappropriate. You need new sleeping arrangements.

Good job OP doesn’t either then isn’t it

[MeridianB]

@50ShadesOfCatholic

Jesus god no way would I let my 10yo daughter share a bedroom with a 15yo boy. This is so inappropriate. You need new sleeping arrangements.

She’s not. She shares bunk beds with a 15yo girl, who is only there half the time.

[Justasecondnow]

What does he say about the double standard? Why is it ok for his child but not yours?

[feelingmehtoday]

No way. I wouldn't tolerate this. Ridiculous.

[Beamur]

Tricky one.
My SC are older now and not at home. I'm very fond of them but I would have been deeply uncomfortable at them getting in my bed - does your DP's ex know her DD is doing this? Ten years old is not a baby and does not need to co-sleep, it's a bit odd frankly. I think there's something else here though and perhaps the little girl is very insecure and needing to be reassured by her Dad that she is his priority.
From that perspective, your DP is doing that, so it's not all bad. But, he's being quite rude and disrespectful to you in doing so.
I would find the assumption she's camping out in your room for 2 weeks unacceptable.
Is the shared room going to be available exclusively to her at any time?

[Birkie248]

Repeat the exact words back to him he uses when your DS tries to do the same.
In the meantime move her stuff back into her own room and say to both of them this isn’t happening. End of. This is worth making a stand over.

[Theunamedcat]

@50ShadesOfCatholic

Jesus god no way would I let my 10yo daughter share a bedroom with a 15yo boy. This is so inappropriate. You need new sleeping arrangements.

She shares with a girl who is hardly ever there

[feelingmehtoday]

Like fuck would I give up my bed for a 10 year old. Tell your partner to stop being a knob and start fucking parenting. Is she still going to be allowed to kick you out of your bed when she's 12? 15? When does it stop?

Exactly.

[feelingmehtoday]

And I have a DD15 and DSD11. Neither of them has ever or would ever be sleeping on our bedroom floor. And DP would entirely agree. Ridiculous set up. Our bedroom is our space.

[Frankola]

Have you considered the idea that there might be some power struggle going on here with Dsd OP?

She I essentially kicking you out of your own bed each night. And to come today and say that will be how it is, without even being upset, smacks to me that she's trying to solidify her status of "most important person" to her Dad.

You can't allow that to continue. It will backfire massively in future.

It's appalling how your DP refuses to allow your son in bed when he has a nightmare etc but is happy to kick you out of your own bedroom for 2 weeks on her whim

[Hegartyhell]

You and DS sleep in your room and your DH and DSD can sleep un the bunk beds.