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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are any men not moany gits when you go out without them?

97 replies

AiyaNapawithmorenaps · 31/07/2021 19:06

I'm not talking about controlling, bullying behaviour. Just the general moping around, complaining that they have to look after the DC's whilst you get ready, saying things like 'well we could have got a take away tonight if you weren't off out.' I don't know one couple where this isn't this sort of bollocks, I don't think it's that they don't want you to enjoy yourself, it's more that you aren't there to do bedtime, clean, cook etc!

OP posts:
feelingmehtoday · 31/07/2021 19:10

Mine doesn't act like this, no. He encourages me to go out and let my hair down and has no issue looking after our dc.

DowntonCrabby · 31/07/2021 19:10

Out of my family and friendship circle I know for sure 5/10 are not remotely like this, probably 2 def are and I don’t know for sure but suspect the other 3 are also very chilled/ not moany at all.

My DH and I wouldn’t dream of being like this with each other, we both work, cook, clean, parent equally even if not necessarily in the same way.

Shakirasma · 31/07/2021 19:12

DH has never acted like that. In fact he encourages me to take time out for myself and happily takes on the house and child care to enable me to do so.

doodleygirl · 31/07/2021 19:13

It must certainly is controlling behaviour. I don’t know anyone like this

Hardbackwriter · 31/07/2021 19:13

DH has never done this and I'd be really upset and annoyed if he did. But I don't really recognise the set-up you're describing at all - DH and I do roughly equal amounts of child care, cleaning and cooking and there's no sense that they're 'my jobs' that I'm shirking when I go out.

Anonymous48 · 31/07/2021 19:13

No, this has never happened in our house.

RubyFowler · 31/07/2021 19:13

My ex DH was like this, and it was a form of control. They don't want you to go out. It doesn't matter why.

Comedycook · 31/07/2021 19:14

I'm a sahm and do pretty much all housework, cooking and childcare, but dh has no issue if I want to go out and encourages me to do so

FTEngineerM · 31/07/2021 19:15

That is ironic that you’ve put in your post it’s not controlling when, it is.

Just reply with something OTT like ok I’ll stay couped up in here forever so we can have take away whenever you please, sir. Then stay out as late as you want

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 31/07/2021 19:16

My DH is quite happy when I go out and takes care of dinner, bedtime etc while I get ready. In return, I don’t complain when he goes to gigs or out with mates. We are pretty much equal on nights out.

But I do know couples like you describe in the OP and it’s awful behaviour on their DP’s part. I had one friend whose DP wouldn’t change shitty nappies, only wet ones. She had to cut a night out short because her DS pooed in his sleep and was crying and distressed. Unfortunately she’s still with that dickhead (I am doing my best to encourage her to LTB without saying it outright).

Cherrysoup · 31/07/2021 19:17

Surely it’s coercive control? Moaning/manipulating the partner to stay in is classic.

swampytiggaa · 31/07/2021 19:18

My husband just asks me to try not to fall over 😂😂 have a tendency to trip up on nights out.

thelegohooverer · 31/07/2021 19:20

Dh isn’t remotely like that. Sorry but that IS controlling.

Hardbackwriter · 31/07/2021 19:20

I had one friend whose DP wouldn’t change shitty nappies, only wet ones. She had to cut a night out short because her DS pooed in his sleep and was crying and distressed. Unfortunately she’s still with that dickhead (I am doing my best to encourage her to LTB without saying it outright).

Sad Please tell me she hasn't had any more children with him at least...

Peeceandquite · 31/07/2021 19:23

No my DP has never done this, he's happy for me to go out and enjoy myself

NothingIsWrong · 31/07/2021 19:24

I went to Istanbul for 3 nights with a friend of mine and surprisingly all our 3 children were still alive when I got back. He astoundingly managed to collect them from school on the Friday, look after them all weekend including a birthday party and sports clubs and then get them to school on the Monday morning.

I had prepurchased and wrapped the present though.

PeaAndHamSoupFromAChicken · 31/07/2021 19:24

My DH isn't like that at all. ExDH was and there's a good reason he's an ex. This was just one part of the manipulation and control tactics he regularly used over me. The only thing DH asks me if I'm going out will be if I need him to pick me up or if I'm making my own way home so he can be prepared.

Polmuggle · 31/07/2021 19:25

I don't know any men like this.

Ohpulltheotherone · 31/07/2021 19:25

No! My DP and I share all parenting duties and house chores so if one of us is going out the other will pick up a bit more of the slack and the favour is returned the next time they want a night off.

We also drop each other off and make breakfast the next day and try and manage the unruly children to minimise the hangover pain Blush

Couldn’t be arsed with a sad sack who tried to guilt trip me and ruin my night out.

CaptainHammer · 31/07/2021 19:26

I don’t know anyone whose husband is like that. That is controlling OP

DGFB · 31/07/2021 19:26

No, my DH is fine with all this. But I won’t accept useless.
We’re even in nights out

DGFB · 31/07/2021 19:27

No my DH is fine with me going out and takes charge of the kids. I wouldn’t have it any other way

Comtesse · 31/07/2021 19:28

Nope my dh is not like that and encourages me to go out, sorry.

TellMeHowYouMet · 31/07/2021 19:29

My DH encourages me to go out with my friends and is kind to me if I'm a bit hungover the next day.

IsThePopeCatholic · 31/07/2021 19:30

No, mine likes it when I go out! I couldn’t be doing with that sort of control.