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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are any men not moany gits when you go out without them?

97 replies

AiyaNapawithmorenaps · 31/07/2021 19:06

I'm not talking about controlling, bullying behaviour. Just the general moping around, complaining that they have to look after the DC's whilst you get ready, saying things like 'well we could have got a take away tonight if you weren't off out.' I don't know one couple where this isn't this sort of bollocks, I don't think it's that they don't want you to enjoy yourself, it's more that you aren't there to do bedtime, clean, cook etc!

OP posts:

Tibtab · 31/07/2021 19:31

Jesus, I wouldn’t tolerate that bollocks.
Sometimes I go out and he does bedtime, sometimes he goes out and I do bedtime. We’re happy for each other.

MummyOf4Kids · 31/07/2021 19:33

Nope my DP has no problem when I go out and vice versa.
He's currently out on a stag do and has been all day, not a problem for me I get the tv to myself with a glass of wine

gamerchick · 31/07/2021 19:35

Mine just tells me to 'try and be quiet when you fall in the door'. Apparently I'm a noisy git.

Ignore him every time.

OneToThree · 31/07/2021 19:35

No never. He tells me I look nice and to have fun. Then looks after his own 3 children without complaint

GintyMcGinty · 31/07/2021 19:36

My husband has never moaned about me going out - nor I him.

As for cooking, cleaning, parenting etc - we are partners so we both do these things.

gamerchick · 31/07/2021 19:37

As in ignore him OP.

DramaAlpaca · 31/07/2021 19:37

My DH has never done that.

OP, whingeing like you describe really is controlling behaviour.

edgeware · 31/07/2021 19:39

Absolutely not, my DH would be encouraging me out the door.

namcybotwinbloom · 31/07/2021 19:41

No mine doesn't. He genuinely loves the quality time with just him and my Dd.

He takes her away on work trips. She is 8 though so able to entertain herself to some extent.

He doesn't do her hair properly or make her look as presentable as I do but they love their time together on their own.

He offers to take her. She likes going. It's nice for them and nice for me to have alone time.

1forAll74 · 31/07/2021 19:43

My late Husband was never like this, I can't remember him complaining about anything like this at all.

Spudina · 31/07/2021 19:45

One person I’m friends with has a partner like this. But her relationship is controlling in many ways. This is controlling despite what you say. My DH encourages me to go out and I do him.

FlyingPandas · 31/07/2021 19:46

No, I don’t know any fathers like this OP. I am sure there are plenty about though. Of course it is controlling behaviour - it is subtly designed to make you do what he wants you to do (ie not go out). It is bullying and manipulation, albeit on a very very low key scale.

Why can’t he get a takeaway to himself? DH always takes the opportunity, when I go out, to order food that we would never get as a joint takeaway (ie food he really likes that I would rather not eat). He has never once had an issue with me going out.

icedcoffees · 31/07/2021 19:47

Nope.

And it is controlling behaviour, I'm sorry to say. What else would you refer to it as?

Undersnatch · 31/07/2021 19:48

I also don’t know anyone who’s partner is like that! I’d not take kindly to that at all.

GalaxyGirl24 · 31/07/2021 19:49

My DH doesn't carry on like this no, he is capable of being at home with DD now that she sleeps through, is eating solids, and doesn't need 5000 breastfeeds.

However, I know many many partners of friends who are like this so I would say it maybe is fairly common ...

LagunaBubbles · 31/07/2021 19:49

I love posts like this, its so obvious they are describing the OPs relationship and they want to think everyone else is in the same boat to normalise it. No this is isnt normal.

EmergencyHydrangea · 31/07/2021 19:49

Mine isn't because he's a grownup. But you are right that there are far too many men like that

DPotter · 31/07/2021 19:51

My DP was always good about this, and still is. he sees it as a great opportunity to play loud music and play his ukelele. He'll even sort out his own food

Sapnupuas · 31/07/2021 19:51

Mine doesn't because I'm not married to a childish arsehole.

rhowton · 31/07/2021 19:51

My DH doesn't.... he does moan when I leave the tumble dryer fluff on the side though...

Regularsizedrudy · 31/07/2021 19:57

Normal. I’ve men don’t act like that. It is controlling. They are trying to control your actions by complaining.

Regularsizedrudy · 31/07/2021 19:58

Normal, nice *

lottiegarbanzo · 31/07/2021 19:58

Well we always split bedtimes, cooking, cleaning etc.

I think that answers your question.

Regularsizedrudy · 31/07/2021 19:59

@DPotter

My DP was always good about this, and still is. he sees it as a great opportunity to play loud music and play his ukelele. He'll even sort out his own food

Wow it’s almost like he’s an adult human

Metallicalover · 31/07/2021 20:04

Nope my husband encourages me to go out as I don't go out enough and always have major Mam guilt! (I put this on myself)

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