Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are any men not moany gits when you go out without them?

97 replies

AiyaNapawithmorenaps · 31/07/2021 19:06

I'm not talking about controlling, bullying behaviour. Just the general moping around, complaining that they have to look after the DC's whilst you get ready, saying things like 'well we could have got a take away tonight if you weren't off out.' I don't know one couple where this isn't this sort of bollocks, I don't think it's that they don't want you to enjoy yourself, it's more that you aren't there to do bedtime, clean, cook etc!

OP posts:
EspressoDoubleShot · 31/07/2021 20:04

It is controlling behaviour,emotional leverage to deter you going out
He’s an adult man he can watch his own kids if you go out , he’s choosing not not
Why do you settle for such an inadequate man?

Alice4563 · 31/07/2021 20:06

My husband is good with this as he likes his own time too..however he’s very moany when I go out WITH him! He would happily stay at home on his Xbox forever I think...

MonsterJammin · 31/07/2021 20:07

No, my DH isn't like that at all and has no issue with me going out. He's not a saint, he does admit that if he was a single dad there would be a lot of kids getting £10 shoved in a card en route to the birthday party as he doesn't deal with any of that side of life!

Out of my friendship circle there's only 1 DH that I suspect of being a bit useless but not to that level.

Pissinthepottyplease · 31/07/2021 20:09

I really go out due to covid and then breast feeding clingy toddler but when I do and DH has to attempt to get DD2 to sleep (usually bf to sleep) as well as look after D1 and put her down he never complains. Often DD2 is downstairs playing when I get home because just gets upset when DH puts her down but he just gets on with it.

lottiegarbanzo · 31/07/2021 20:09

In fact, having separate social lives to an extent was a great advantage, during the baby years. It was easy for one or other of us to go out with 'our own' friends for an evening.

We had a usual pattern for who did dinner / the other one bedtime, each night. So all we had to do was say 'I'll swap tonight's bedtime with you for that other day' and one person could go out, the other do dinner and bedtime that night. Then the goer-outer do both a different night.

Sally2791 · 31/07/2021 20:13

My exH was very arsey if I went out. One of the hundreds of reasons he’s an ex

Tiredmum100 · 31/07/2021 20:14

My dh is not like that at all. When ds1 was 4 months old I went on a hen weekend for 2 nights. When my dc (2 children) were aged between 2-5 I went on two separate hens abroad for 3/4 nights. DH happily waved me off and looked after his children as well as I would have. Dh encourages me to go out and have fun, no moaning about it.

LimeRedBanana · 31/07/2021 20:15

@DPotter

My DP was always good about this, and still is. he sees it as a great opportunity to play loud music and play his ukelele. He'll even sort out his own food
He’ll even sort out his own food?! Impressive. Grin

I don’t recognise the scenario in the OP at all.

I married a functioning human being, as did my friends. We get together regularly, even go away for weekends, and the sky doesn’t fall on our husbands’ heads.

OzziePopPop · 31/07/2021 20:16

Erm no, that’s not normal in the slightest. DH would be delighted if I left him with the remote for a night, even when our kids were tiny…

Merryoldgoat · 31/07/2021 20:16

Nope. Mine tells me to have fun and makes me chips when I get in (if awake) and does morning duty with kids too so I can deal with hangover.

My friends’ partners are the same and tend to facilitate us pissing about at each other’s into the small hours.

Recessed · 31/07/2021 20:17

Only one man I know acted like that. I dumped him. It is manipulative passive aggressive bullshit and a huge red flag IMO.

felulageller · 31/07/2021 20:19

I wouldn't put up with that.

Most women I know wouldn't either.

DappledThings · 31/07/2021 20:21

Nope, DH has never been like that because he isn't a dick

Notonthestairs · 31/07/2021 20:22

No that's not standard male behaviour.

DH loves the evenings when I go out. He and the kids Xbox together and eat dominoes pizzas.

Even when the kids were very small he was always pretty relaxed about evenings out especially when I realised I needed to stop micromanaging and left him to get on with it.

floatingon · 31/07/2021 20:22

My husband isn’t like this at all but he does moan when we go out together, he’s not really a people person

Amandasummers · 31/07/2021 20:25

Mines never done that

Sexnotgender · 31/07/2021 20:25

@doodleygirl

It must certainly is controlling behaviour. I don’t know anyone like this
This. It’s absolutely controlling behaviour.

Today, I woke with a stonking migraine. DH immediately rounded up the toddler and headed out with him for the day. He’d have taken the baby too but she’s EBF so he can’t.

He never moans if I want to do something. He actively encourages it as I do too with him.

Thadhiya · 31/07/2021 20:26

No, mine's normal.

It's only on Mumsnet that you get the traditional miserable 1980s bloke sulking because he has to cook a single meal and parent his children for an hour, and that's if he doesn't accuse you of infidelity or being feckless.

KingdomScrolls · 31/07/2021 20:30

Mine has never done that, pre DS he's offered to pick me and friends up or made plans to go out himself. Now he will often make plans with DS for the afternoon so I've got time to relax get ready etc, puts DS to bed orders something for dinner watches a god awful film I'd have no interest in. I actually think he likes it as much as nights when he is out and I'm on childcare duty. If I'm staying at a friend's overnight he'll take DS out in the morning after breakfast, swimming, walk to the beach, soft play etc

BackforGood · 31/07/2021 21:07

No, I married a normal adult.

In fact, I can't think of any men that I can imagine behaving like that.

Only last night my adult ds took his gf and her friend into the City Centre for their night out then went back out later to pick them both up, save them getting a taxi.

pheonixrebirth · 31/07/2021 21:25

Yep, my ex was a complete arsehole when I was going on a girls night out. The attitude and silent treatment would start when I started getting ready and go on all of the next day, obviously I had to make sure that the kids were bathed and in there pjs, and when they were younger that the youngest 2 were in bed before I left.
I didn't go out often, probably once every couple of months. It was anxiety inducing cos I could never just enjoy the night, I always knew that I would have to pay the price for just wanting a catch up with my friends. He couldn't even muster a compliment as I was getting ready to leave.
Reading all the PP just made me feel really sad for the old me who put up with it for far too long. I was too young and inexperienced to know just how wrong it was.
I left him and a couple of years later started seeing a new partner and the difference in behaviour was like night and day. He would be excited for me going out, would even bring me a glass of Prosecco while I was getting ready.

It is controlling behaviour whether or not you are ready to admit that, I know realisations like this are hard to admit but the sooner the better.

NickingBentCoppers · 31/07/2021 21:27

No not at all, my partner is never like that. It would really piss me off if he was, tbh.

Aprilx · 31/07/2021 21:36

Well we don’t have children, but nevertheless DH would never mope or complain about me going out to enjoy myself, he would be pleased about it. The only other man I have ever lived with is my father and no, he never complained or moped about my mother going out even though that left him with four children to look after.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 31/07/2021 21:40

Nope, he actively encourages me to see friends and indeed to go away solo. He quite likes it when I'm out, it gives him an excuse to cook a steak and watch nerdy stuff all evening.

daisyjgrey · 31/07/2021 21:41

Mine doesn't, yours sounds like a bit of a berk.