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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What would you think if your dp did this with a colleague?

142 replies

Tinaburner77 · 31/07/2021 19:06

A woman the same age who he’s worked with there for quite a while. They went out as a whole department drinking together every Friday night for the last few weeks.

He said I wouldn’t like it as I’d be bored/they only talk about work etc.

Apparently one night she tried to invite him back ‘for a few beers’ and he said he was tired so he’d come back here and she said ‘Ooh you want to go back to your girlfriend do you!”

One night he came in at 7am which was really unlike him, usually back by midnight, I was worried and he hadn’t replied to my texts. Came in saying they had all been stuck at someone’s flat or something? Found out a week later that he had been alone with her at hers until then, swears nothing happened and they were ‘just chatting?’ Then going on about why can’t men and women be friends, even his best friend was saying that it was out of order doing that to me.

The weekend after he’s out again, I’m in bed and hear him come in at 3am.. with her!! I’m in my pjs and half asleep, never met her and not letting her see me like that. Heard them talking and I just listened from outside, he came in the room and told me she was ‘waiting for a lift home’. (She lived a mile away). Swore I heard her say at one point ‘Do you want me to take this off?’ And don’t know if it was just my imagination but could have sworn I heard kissing sounds. They left 2h later and he came back claiming they had ‘been to McDonald’s’.

I asked if I could meet her and he said “wouldn’t it be weird?”

They’re having an affair aren’t they?
They work together every day, what’s the need for all these nights out that I’m never invited to?
He’s cheating surely ?

OP posts:
Lonelydaisy · 01/08/2021 00:48

That is mental. He has no respect for you at all.
Leave ASAP nothing will change

doudouchouchou · 01/08/2021 01:23

Nope nope no

JustGiveMeGin · 01/08/2021 06:36

Flippin heck OP, I mean this with kindness as you are obviously in a bad place but grow a backbone!
Do you actually need to see them having sex for you to believe that this relationship is over?
I genuinely don't think I have read any other posts on here as meek and passive as yours. Even sitting here trying to contemplate why you didn't go bat shit when you heard them kissing is blowing my mind!
If you can move out easily that's probably your best option.

MsDogLady · 01/08/2021 06:45

Tina, you are underreacting.

Your ‘Partner’ is out acting like a single man and is blatantly cheating with this OW. Together they served you a shit sandwich by flaunting their affair in your presence in your home. OW staked her claim by leaving her jacket for you to find.

You really do need to rid yourself of this faithless, contemptuous low-life who is making a mockery of you. Why on earth would you tolerate this? Flowers

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 01/08/2021 08:08

Even if hes not having an affair and its all innocent (dont believe this for 1 moment) this is no way to live. Finish with him and move on. This isnt supposed to be your life

Lightbul · 01/08/2021 08:19

Life’s too short OP to sit around waiting for this man to gain a conscience and stop treating you like this.
He’s shown his true colours and he has no respect for you. It’s not your fault, it’s his! Don’t let him bully you.
Get rid of him.

SummerWhisper · 01/08/2021 08:32

He's having his Matt Hancock moment with her.

"Shall I take this off?" (her jacket) = easier access.

Waspsarearseholes · 01/08/2021 08:55

I agree that it's completely irrelevant at this point whether he's cheating or not. He's enjoying making you feel as though he is. In fact, he appears to be delighting in it. That's not how partners behave. I wouldn't even bother confronting him over it, just leave as soon as you can and don't look back. Best of luck.

LIZS · 01/08/2021 08:58

You don't trust him and he is at very least disrespectful and deliberately feeding your insecurities, if not cheating. How long have you been together?

lap90 · 01/08/2021 09:07

I wouldn't be pleased.

On the question whether they are having an affair, bringing the alleged OW back to the house when your partner is at home would be extremely bold.

Polkadots2021 · 01/08/2021 09:25

I mean, you know and we.know they're having an affair to the point they can't even be bothered to hear de it from you.

OP as we all know it's an affair, the question isn't is he cheating, is it? It's how you get the strength to just leave him.

Polkadots2021 · 01/08/2021 09:25

*hide not hear de!

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 01/08/2021 09:39

Ok.so I read through your posts and thought no, this doesn't mean affair. I get on with my Male colleagues and will pop out for drinks with them and will have a drink at their home.
DP is never invited however, we do have children and no babysitter.

DP is a SAHD, but one of his best friends is female. They can drink all night together.

So I WAS going to say no doesn't mean he is cheating. BUT the lighter thing kind of made me change my mind. 1, that shows a comfortableness which isn't common within colleagues or friends. Who defaces another persons property?
I am sure I did something like this when I was in my teens, not lighters but it was a very flirty situation.
She may as well pissed on them to mark her territory?

Is he cheating? Don't know but she definitely is ready to pounce! So Your DP is either naive, flattered or cheating.
I don't think DP would let any woman write their initials in anything.

ByeByeWife · 01/08/2021 09:50

I thought my dh was mad but this is ridiculous

LoverOfAllThingsPurple · 02/08/2021 19:36

@Tinaburner77 he’s gaslighting you too. Horrible bastard. This posts make me so mad. You will find someone better, let the tramp have your used trash. Don’t let him convince you otherwise. Stay strong ❤️

Calmyertits · 02/08/2021 19:51

Why would her coat be on the floor too? I definitely saw that as a claiming of her territory, what are you going to do about it and a BIG middle finger that she was in your house

Susannahmoody · 02/08/2021 19:59

Love your username, @Tinaburner77

But yes, he's cheating

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