Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What would you think if your dp did this with a colleague?

142 replies

Tinaburner77 · 31/07/2021 19:06

A woman the same age who he’s worked with there for quite a while. They went out as a whole department drinking together every Friday night for the last few weeks.

He said I wouldn’t like it as I’d be bored/they only talk about work etc.

Apparently one night she tried to invite him back ‘for a few beers’ and he said he was tired so he’d come back here and she said ‘Ooh you want to go back to your girlfriend do you!”

One night he came in at 7am which was really unlike him, usually back by midnight, I was worried and he hadn’t replied to my texts. Came in saying they had all been stuck at someone’s flat or something? Found out a week later that he had been alone with her at hers until then, swears nothing happened and they were ‘just chatting?’ Then going on about why can’t men and women be friends, even his best friend was saying that it was out of order doing that to me.

The weekend after he’s out again, I’m in bed and hear him come in at 3am.. with her!! I’m in my pjs and half asleep, never met her and not letting her see me like that. Heard them talking and I just listened from outside, he came in the room and told me she was ‘waiting for a lift home’. (She lived a mile away). Swore I heard her say at one point ‘Do you want me to take this off?’ And don’t know if it was just my imagination but could have sworn I heard kissing sounds. They left 2h later and he came back claiming they had ‘been to McDonald’s’.

I asked if I could meet her and he said “wouldn’t it be weird?”

They’re having an affair aren’t they?
They work together every day, what’s the need for all these nights out that I’m never invited to?
He’s cheating surely ?

OP posts:
Darbs76 · 31/07/2021 19:20

Well it’s not classic affair as he’s not even trying to hide it. But doesn’t mean it won’t develop into an affair and it’s out of order for sure

Angelofchaos · 31/07/2021 19:21

@Tinaburner77

Oh and she also left her initials on all his lighters, the tart. I need to move out.
Are they 15?
Comedycook · 31/07/2021 19:22

Hiding in plain sight
Flowers

DiamondBright · 31/07/2021 19:23

They're having an affair and she's trying to manoeuvre you into kicking off and giving him an excuse to leave. If you're not careful they'll engineer a story where they were just friends and you were the crazy unreasonable, jealous girlfriend.

You should have kicked them both out, at least my exHs OW had the sense to be scared of me.

MummyofanAustinbear · 31/07/2021 19:23

Wow. He's already lied about where he was, so how are you supposed to trust him now?
And frankly even if there is no affair, for him to bring her back to the home you share together at such a ridiculous time of the morning, without the decency to ask you if it's OK is beyond disrespectful!
If you believe you heard kissing and "intimate" conversation then I think you know what's going on. I've heard about some shitty behaviour before but jeez...

girlmom21 · 31/07/2021 19:25

For the first couple of paragraphs I was prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt and thought it was just bad judgement on his part but I'm sorry, they're definitely a 'thing'.

HollowTalk · 31/07/2021 19:25

So she came back to your house and they phoned for a taxi and then he went off with her? His things would have been in bin bags outside if he'd done that to me.

Tinaburner77 · 31/07/2021 19:27

It’s disgusting I agree. They are both shameless and without morals, how can he insist he hasn’t cheated?

OP posts:
1FootInTheRave · 31/07/2021 19:29

You are a mug.

Get some self respect and get rid.

Knackeredmommy · 31/07/2021 19:30

He'a taking the piss!! The disrespect actually bringing her back to your home whilst you're in bed?!?

Pollypocket89 · 31/07/2021 19:30

What did he say when you asked wtf he went to mcdonald's?

I had a situation with my husband and a colleague but she's now left and whatever it was is done

I'm watching a friend's fiance text someone he works with as we're all at a bbq and can see my friends face and her commenting whv he's texting her on a Saturday ... I don't know what people are thinking

1forAll74 · 31/07/2021 19:33

She is probably doped up on weed and alcohol , and thinks she can do absolutely anything, and your partner is an asshole to be sure.

Wafflethefuckinwonderdog · 31/07/2021 19:34

OP so sorry but it doesn't look good. I doubt they were playing Ludo until 7am. How long have you been together? Not that it's a deal breaker but I'm curious. Do you share mortgage?

SunnySideDownBriefly · 31/07/2021 19:35

You know that you don't need him to admit it, right?

Is it his place? If so, you need to leave with your dignity intact. Don't look back, look forward. You deserve so much better than this.

Soberanne · 31/07/2021 19:37

I cant believe that you allowed him to bring this woman into your home, think you heard kissing, let them leave and return 2 hours later and have done nothing.

I feel so heart sorry for you tbh. This man has zero respect for you and you for whatever reasons have very little for yourself.

TwinsandTrifle · 31/07/2021 19:37

Your house or his house? Who's name?

Yours. He leaves immediately.

His. You make sure you are completely in order and then leave. You're not the cheating wanker in this. So as to not cause yourself any extra expense or anything to your detriment, just avoid him for as long as you need to have the right place lined up for you to move into.

I hope it's not your place OP. He brought her back while you were there. Oh she's laughing.

Well, she's "won" the gaslighting cheat. And she can laugh eternal when he does it to her. Which he will. You've just been saved from spending a second longer with someone who's true colours had been hidden until now.

AngryWhompingWillow · 31/07/2021 19:38

Yes he's having an affair with her. Sorry Flowers

Lorw · 31/07/2021 19:40

Get rid OP, you deserve better, can’t even believe that Shock

KarmaStar · 31/07/2021 19:41

I am so sorry.make your plans for Friday when he's out this week.
Then bag his stuff up,get the locks changed friday,block him on sm and your phone.
You are worth more than this.
What a pair of nasty specimens they are.
Karma will be waiting for them.
Get your revenge by being strong,happy and complete.🌈🌻

DogsSausages · 31/07/2021 19:41

Let them get on with it, kick him out if it's your house, leave and find somewhere else if it's his house.

Quirrelsotherface · 31/07/2021 19:41

OMG, OP please get rid! He's cheating and at the very best, he's got zero respect for you! What a knob.

Tinaburner77 · 31/07/2021 19:43

It’s just rented in both our names, I’m looking for somewhere else, I can’t believe this is happening after 3 years.

OP posts:
Maggiesfarm · 31/07/2021 19:44

LTB

GalaxyGirl24 · 31/07/2021 19:45

Woah OP what the heck! His behaviour is so brazen and it's madness.

He may well not have done anything with her but his behaviour is intimate with her. The only thing is....if you thought you heard kissing I'd have been getting dressed and going to catch it!

I think it's weird he brought her home, but potentially they like the danger factor and will gaslight you if you say anything?

There was a post a week ago or so where a lady saw her husband with his hands down her friends knickers but they were all drunk and they both swore blind she'd imagined it...this post made me think of that. Brazen behaviour and just generally strange going's on!

ChargingBuck · 31/07/2021 19:46

@Tinaburner77

It’s disgusting I agree. They are both shameless and without morals, how can he insist he hasn’t cheated?
Tina, you need to get yourself to the place where you no longer care what he says - you only care about what you know.

Which is that, sadly, you have wasted 3 years of your precious life on an arsehole. You don't need his permission to leave. You don't need an admission. All you need is your self-respect & freedom.

What is your housing situation?
Just start organising your next place to live, & leave "Mr Two-Hour McDonalds" to his tacky philandering.

I am so sorry this happened to you - BUT - best you know now, & cut your losses Flowers