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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

7 year old seems to be constantly tired

94 replies

7yowontsleep · 31/07/2021 14:45

7 year old DD constantly tired but refuses to sleep.

Blood tests have shown nothing unusual.

She is horrible. Refuses to go to holiday club, to the point she will sit and deliberately cough which sounds like a panic attack – I know it’s fake because as soon as we get in the car she’s fine. She goes to holiday club every school holiday so it’s not a new thing for her. I’ve already taken unpaid leave twice this week due to this, and holiday club have said if she does it again they’ll have to remove her place, she’s heard this and said she doesn’t want to go. If I take too much unpaid leave I’ll lose my job.

She won’t play with toys; she won’t go to her swimming lesson. – she did the fake cough thing again so the teacher said she couldn’t go in. We go for a day out and she just whinges she's bored and fed up and wants to go home, and then moans I don't do anything with her. Doesn't matter if she's picked the trip or not.

I am exhausted; I don’t sleep until she does. I shut her in her room but she just shouts to the point my downstairs neighbour complains – housing association who own my flat have said that they take complaints about children over 5 and noise at nighttime. She doesn’t want her tablet or the ps4 or the switch.

She doesn’t want to sleep. Even in my bed. I’ve tried everything; she has a blackout blind up. I’ve followed her natural rhythm, but she won’t sleep, she literally fights it and no matter what starts the day at 5am. GP isn’t concerned because blood tests are normal.

She is supposed to go to bed at 8pm in school times and 8.30pm in holidays. She falls asleep in class at school because she refuses to sleep but nothing I try makes her do anything but fight sleep. GP won’t consider a referral to a sleep consultant unless she’s being violent in the daytime. I can’t afford private so I’m stuck.

I am done with being a parent. All we do now is argue. I hate being a mum. I'm about to reach burnout but no-one cares.

I know I am VUR.

OP posts:

allycat4 · 31/07/2021 14:56

It actually sounds like she might need to go to bed earlier? She sounds over-stimulated. Can you try an earlier wind down routine?

00100001 · 31/07/2021 14:58

What does she do in the day to keep herself occupied?
What's her evening routine?
What doe she eat?

Original poster

7yowontsleep · 31/07/2021 15:08

At the moment she's doing nothing but watch TV, she has toys, craft activities, crayons, colouring books etc. But she chooses to watch TV, if I turn the TV off she just sits there doing nothing.

If I put her to bed earlier she just shouts she;s not tired or jumps about on her bed which upsets the downstairs neighbour.

Bedtime routine is:
6.45pm Bath
7.15pm Warm Milk in pyjamas with quiet activities, no tv, no noisy toys, no messy craft, she's allowed to do a jigsaw or colour in or play with her dolls, stuff that can be cleared up quickly.
7.45pm To bed, story.
8pm lights out

Holidays everything is a half hour later.

She'll happily play in the dark for hours. She has no toys in her room but she'll jump about on her bed or talk to herself or walk around the room. Ignoring her, earlier bed, sitting with her, her in my bed, doesn't work any of it.

OP posts:

HumdrumGuga · 31/07/2021 15:13

Can she read? As in is has she learnt to read yet?

Original poster

7yowontsleep · 31/07/2021 15:14

@HumdrumGuga

Can she read? As in is has she learnt to read yet?

She can read some words but struggles with words longer than 5 letters, she can't decode/blend at all.

OP posts:

00100001 · 31/07/2021 15:15

Well, if she's sat down all day, it no wonder she won't sleep.

You have to get her up and out, walking, running, cycling, skating, swimming whatever...you have to insist. If she moans, ignore it.

Take her everywhere, food shopping... getting petrol, out for a cup of tea, over to Nan's... wherever.

She's not busy enough.

TimeForTeaAndG · 31/07/2021 15:15

Do any of her friends live locally that you could arrange to meet up at the park/beach/wherever that she would get to run off some steam. If she isn't tired then she needs tired out during the day. I realise that holiday club would do that but if she refuses to go is there a reason behind that? Are any of her friends there, is someone she doesn't get on with there?

00100001 · 31/07/2021 15:15

Also, is this new behaviour?

HumdrumGuga · 31/07/2021 15:16

Okay, was just an idea as once my son could read it massively helped him at bedtime. Does she get plenty exercise during the day?

Original poster

7yowontsleep · 31/07/2021 15:18

@00100001

Well, if she's sat down all day, it no wonder she won't sleep.

You have to get her up and out, walking, running, cycling, skating, swimming whatever...you have to insist. If she moans, ignore it.

Take her everywhere, food shopping... getting petrol, out for a cup of tea, over to Nan's... wherever.

She's not busy enough.

I do, she will literally sit in the middle of the street and scream she's not going anywhere. She has done it. I can't lift her so we have no choice but to either sit there or not. She sat for an hour and a half the other day outside our block of flats refusing to move so we could go to the supermarket for bread and milk.

If we go anywhere like soft play or the zoo or somewhere she refuses to engage and moans all the way round saying shes bored. I ask her where she wants to go, book it and pay for it and she still moans or refuses to go in at all,

She refuses to go to holiday club so they won't take her as she fake coughs.

OP posts:

00100001 · 31/07/2021 15:19

There's something else going on.

What's happened recently?

Original poster

7yowontsleep · 31/07/2021 15:20

@TimeForTeaAndG

2 of her school friends go plus my cousins children who she's always asking to play with. She just says she doesn't want to go.

I took her and my cousin and her children to soft play and she sat o at the table refusing to do anything at all. I ignored and played with my cousins children and DD ignored us and moaned the whole time.

She's got party invites for school friends but doesn't want to go.

OP posts:

Original poster

7yowontsleep · 31/07/2021 15:20

@00100001

Also, is this new behaviour?

Started when she went back to school after lockdown 3.

OP posts:

allycat4 · 31/07/2021 15:21

I agree with the poster who said you have to make her exercise. I know that's really annoying to hear when you're exhausted!!

But my DS is a big moaner. He never wants to do anything/go anywhere etc but I force him. In the holidays I take him and his brother out at 10am every day. I make them walk to a park and I make them run around/scoot/cycle. For 3 hours. It's often painful, but I don't allow us home until 1pm at the earliest.

BoltonDoowar · 31/07/2021 15:21

This sounds really difficult.

It’s all well and good saying fresh air and tiring her out outdoors will help but if she tantrums what can be done?

Tbh I’d be going back to the GP. It seems they’ve ruled out serious conditions behind the tiredness such as leukaemia etc but I’d want her examining for ADHD type disorders

BlueSurfer · 31/07/2021 15:21

Is she anxious? Post viral fatigue?

00100001 · 31/07/2021 15:21

Dies she genuinely not like any if the following;

Football, walks, swimming, running, netball, skating, cycling, scooting, splash parks, trampolines, den building.

Has she got friends?

tiredteacher100 · 31/07/2021 15:22

Maybe try an audio book at bedtime to see if it helps her sleep. Is she scared about Covid? That could be why she doesn't want to go anywhere

CheersBoris · 31/07/2021 15:24

Sounds a bit similar in someways to my ds who has just been diagnosed with adhd. Possibly asd, and am going to enquire about dyspraxia too.
Obviously loads more ‘symptoms’ with him but the tiredness thing is unusual. It almost seems to be in conflict with his adhd. Like he should be hyperactive, but is too tired to be. As far as I know he sleeps well although sometimes wakes up in the night. But he just seems lethargic a lot even when we haven’t done much. If we go out he’ll enjoy himself but you can see it’s making him exhausted.

TimeForTeaAndG · 31/07/2021 15:25

What consequences does she have for refusing to move? I'd honestly walk off (not far, but out of her sight) if DD refused to shift. Disengage. You're getting into a power struggle with her. 7yos don't get the power. If she sits down you say that's fine, you stay there but I need to go to the shops, and you walk off. Take the power off her.

Original poster

7yowontsleep · 31/07/2021 15:26

@00100001

Dies she genuinely not like any if the following;

Football, walks, swimming, running, netball, skating, cycling, scooting, splash parks, trampolines, den building.

Has she got friends?

Pre lockdown 3 she loved swimming would be the first in the pool for her lesson and the last out, she'd beg me to take her on weekends and in school holidays as she loved it.

She can't ride a bike, she;s just never "got it" I do keep trying. She can scooter quite fast though and loves it.

She's never been to a trampoline park place because whenever I go to a friends or my cousins house who has a trampoline she completely ignores it.

She has friends, definitely, has had party invites and will chat away to children she's only just met or she did before all this started. School say she has friends there and runs around at playtime happily.

OP posts:

HumdrumGuga · 31/07/2021 15:26

I think I'd take her to the doctors, it seems quite extreme. Halfway through lockdown 1 my son was a nightmare to get out and I did pick him up and take him outside a couple of times. I think he was incredibly anxious about being out, given that the world had gone mad and he somehow knew that covid was "in the air" despite my best efforts. Maybe she has some sort of anxiety issue or some kind of trauma related to the lockdowns? Have you tried the whole massively over the top bright and breezy /jolly/ cheerleadery approach - right, shoes on, blathering away and telling her what you're doing,not giving options or choices?

Viviennemary · 31/07/2021 15:26

I would move the whole routine back an hour or dven half an hour especially during those lighter nights. And cut it down. It's far too long and drawn out. It sounds really boring. If I was a kid I would rebel against this. And no toys in her room. It sounds a bit draconian. She needs to be outside in the park on a good day Ignore the moaning. There must be some activities she enjoys.

Ilovechocolatetoomuch · 31/07/2021 15:27

My only suggestion about the sleep would be absolutely no screens after 5p.m as blue light is a stimulant to the brain, no caffeinated drinks or sweets and exercise if you can although that sounds so challenging.
Can you see if you have a relax kids franchise in your area? If she won't go I know our local one comes to your house.
Sorry you are having such a tough time sounds really difficult.

Original poster

7yowontsleep · 31/07/2021 15:27

@TimeForTeaAndG

I walk off, she just sits there not bothered by me walking away even round a corner she'll just sit there and say to anyone who asks "my mums round the corner".

OP posts:

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