Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

“Oh the baby sleeps so well at night”

142 replies

MsHedgehog · 31/07/2021 07:40

DH has been saying this to his parents as we’re staying with them for a few weeks.

Except our baby is EBF. And DH is a deep sleeper. And a fucking snorer.

So I’m the one who wakes up every fucking night, every fucking time, to deal with every fucking night feed. And as DS goes through the 4 month sleep regression, I’m the one waking up every single damn time. Every two hours it’s been tonight. Every fucking two hours. Two nights ago, it was every single hour!!

So how the fuck is our baby sleeping well through the night when you sleep soundly snoring away, and I’m constantly waking up. Why the fuck do you say such a thing!! Why de minimise my lack of sleep and what I’m fucking dealing with?!

And guys, do you know what was the fucking icing on the cake?

DH came to bed late last night, as he was up working late on his last day before taking annual leave. He came to the bedroom full of beans that he’s now on holiday and I was sat up feeding DS. He saw I wasn’t happy, asked what’s wrong and I told him I’ve just woken up. Didn’t hear me, and I repeated it snappily. So what did my darling husband do when he saw it’s 2am, I’m tired but still up feeding our son...went to bed in a fucking strop because I snapped at him. Instead of suggesting any help whatsoever, because I snapped at him and ruined his good mood, he literally went to bed in a strop! A fucking strop! What the fucking hell?! Who does that?!

Arrggghhhh!!! Fucking hell!

(Needed to rant and cry...and swear! And just get my frustration off before I try and go back to sleep before DS wakes again).

OP posts:

Ponoka7 · 31/07/2021 11:37

@Orchidflower1, I voted YABU because this is how it is with a cluster feeding ebf baby. I did it three times. As the OPs subsequent posts show her DH does his bit in other ways. There's nothing he can do.
You just have to hold on until it gets better which could be within a couple of months.

FolkyFoxFace · 31/07/2021 11:37

@feelingmehtoday

He can nap on his lunch break. I don't get one of those.

Yep. He can also eat on his lunch break. Which we don't get.

Exactly. Yesterday I managed half a stick of celery and a piece of unbuttered bread. DS is teething. Won't sleep, won't go in the sling, won't be put down. DH had a hot lunch and a nap at work. If he was also having a solid 8 hours sleep while I had 2 at most, I'd go ape shit.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 31/07/2021 11:43

I was militant about walking my babies in the day to feed them often rather than them needing to feed at night 😂😂😂 this is anecdotal but all the babies I know would only be breastfed when hungry or seeking comfort. None would be force fed so they didn't wake up at night! They'd probably take a bit in the day but still need the night feed. Plus night time is the best time to express and or feed.

feelingmehtoday · 31/07/2021 11:52

@FolkyFoxFace

I feel your pain. Yesterday I had five potato croquettes for my tea. On the plus side, I'm losing the baby weight with this unintentional diet 😂

CaptSkippy · 31/07/2021 11:59

DH does want to help, and for months he keeps asking me what can he do,

There's your problem. He should not be asking. Do you ask someone what to do every time your son cries? You are not the house hold manager. Your husband is a dad now and he should be using his eyes to see what needs doing and then do it without prompting.

Also, your husband is not supportive if he can't even see your exhaustion from being up every two hours. What is stopping him from taking the baby for a few hours during the day so you can sleep?

MaMaD1990 · 31/07/2021 12:11

Jealouuuuuus!!!

DeflatedGinDrinker · 31/07/2021 12:17

I voted YABU as the baby is EBF, what do you expect him to do? Put baby on formula and share the load if it's that awful.

Neverrains · 31/07/2021 12:20

@DeflatedGinDrinker

I voted YABU as the baby is EBF, what do you expect him to do? Put baby on formula and share the load if it's that awful.

What does she expect him to do? Not tell everyone how well the baby sleeps, thus downplaying everything the OP does, as she stated in her OP.

FolkyFoxFace · 31/07/2021 12:32

[quote feelingmehtoday]@FolkyFoxFace

I feel your pain. Yesterday I had five potato croquettes for my tea. On the plus side, I'm losing the baby weight with this unintentional diet 😂 [/quote]
Solidarity! Yes, losing the baby weight is a nice side effect I suppose...plus eating one handed, that's a skill I never entertained before. Last week I ate a beef tomato like a apple! I like to consider this a new skill as opposed to a moment of total desperation... 😂

FolkyFoxFace · 31/07/2021 12:33

*an

Sunshinegirl82 · 31/07/2021 12:43

I ebf both DS, both woke every two hours for the first year. I went to bed at 9/10, DH slept in the spare room, I dealt with all night wakings, from 5am until whenever DH started work/whenever I wanted on the weekends baby was DH's responsibility and was only brought up for feeds.

The issue in my view is that your DH doesn't recognise that you are not getting any bloody sleep and so is not taking any steps to improve things for you. If this is unintended ignorance then enlighten him! If it's deliberate then you may have bigger issues.

It does get better, I promise you will sleep again!

MrsCremuel · 31/07/2021 12:49

Oh god I so relate. The absolute sleep deprived rage and inequality of EBF. Exacerbated by a DH who isn’t pulling his weight it seems! My DH does his fair share when here but would frequently go back to sleep within seconds of baby stirring as I EBF. He once told his brother that the baby slept well. At which point I loudly and vociferously corrected him. Awkward silence all round.

Can he take over at the later wake ups for a few hours l, say 5am, so you get a good couple uninterrupted? This really helped me.

feelingmehtoday · 31/07/2021 13:07

@FolkyFoxFace

Oh yes the one handed eating! Especially when baby is feeding on the side of your "good" hand and you end up eating forkfuls of curry with the wrong hand ... spilling most of it on the floor. I vaguely remember civilised life. It was nice.

MindyStClaire · 31/07/2021 13:54

These threads always get under my skin and borderline upset me, like nothing else on MN. The post by MrsTophamHat above should be included in antenatal classes.

I had one decent sleeper and one terrible one. Sure when I was on maternity leave and ebf and only up for one or two quick feeds, I did it and DH got a full night. Why wouldn't I. Indeed I still do now I'm back at work.

But in the four month regression when DD1 was up every hour or two, if DH had left it up to me I think it would've threatened our marriage, and it certainly would've threatened my physical and mental health. He couldn't feed but he could change nappies and pace the floor, he gave me a lie in every Saturday and Sunday during those few weeks (and would've done more often if I'd wanted) and took on the majority of housework.

Yes he was A Man Who Worked, but he was also a husband and father and those responsibilities don't disappear overnight just because he was in paid employment. He's a deep sleeper and there is the odd night he'll say isn't it great that the kids slept well and i answer that I was up (happened last week, I'd been up three times - and still managed to do a day of work) but if it turns into a long one I have no hesitation or guilt in waking him to take a shift, regardless of whether I'm on maternity or at work.

I think some posters on MN have either never had a bad sleeper (lucky feckers!) or never been in a loving respectful relationship. Anyone who leaves their partner on their knees with sleep deprivation while they have their full 8 hours (unless there are significant health issues at play) is flat out a bad person.

OhRene · 31/07/2021 15:16

You don't need to bottle feed to share the night feed duties. When we got home with DS, our third baby, DH put the Moses basket on his side of the bed. When I questioned him, he said it was so that he could soothe (and if necessary change) baby whilst I got myself sat up and comfortable to breastfeed. And then DH would wind or put baby down to sleep after. This happened every single night DH wasn't working the next day and if I was particularly shattered, he would do it on nights he was working after.

OP, I hope you corrected what your DH told his parents!

MrsN100 · 31/07/2021 15:25

fgs op, bottle feed or express if you want him to help. What is the point of both of you up and getting little sleep?
My ds was a terrible sleeper with colic as well, and dh was up with me trying to help but there's not much he could do. I was going crazy, until we switched to formula and he could actually help out. I'm not suggesting that you do that but instead of getting so aggro, decide what you want from him first. Maybe getting up and doing the morning shift so you lie in. But if the baby needs a feed then what?

Anon9990 · 31/07/2021 15:38

I found chucking wet nappies at him while he slept soundly helpful… Petty I know but it helped my rage

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6