Offended about being referred to as a guest

[Ivenamechange]

I don't know if I am or if my mother is?
Basically what the title says.
I referred to mother as a guest in my home today. She was highly offended and said that as my mother she should not be referred to that way and that a friend is a guest etc.
I didn't mean any harm by it I only meant that if you are somebody else other than the people who live in the house I'd class them as a guest. The more I tried to explain this to her, the more offended she got.

Prehaps I was wrong?

Sorry if this isn't worded well, I'm a little upset and can't ask anybody IRL as it will get back to her and I don't want to cause more of an arguement.

Start referring to her as “this batshit person in my house”. Or tell her that since she’s not a guest, her share of the rent/mortgage is due on the 1st of the month.

What a weird thing to be offended by.

Is your mum always so quick to offend? It’s nothing to get upset about.

It’s a ridiculous reason to be upset over, however, I also think it’s a bit odd to refer to a family member as a guest.

She IS a guest unless it's her home.

Either she lives there or she's a guest, IMO.

But I'm from one of those frosty, formal families that make arrangements to see each other, rather than just turning up on the doorstep when passing, or striding straight into the house.

If your family is the latter type, then I expect she'd want to be referred to as 'Mum / my Mum' always and would find being categorised as a guest very unwelcoming.

I had a boyfriend at uni who lived up the other end of the country.
When I went to stay they used serving dishes etc because I was a guest, which I then helped wash up because I was 'one of the family'...

If you're in someone else's house and don't live there, then you're a guest

Your mum was rude to pick a fight over this

I just find it odd because I imagine OP’s mother was being mentioned to someone else by OP and referred to as a guest - “I have a guest here” rather than “my mother’s here”. It just seems a bit impersonal to refer to family that way IMO. But nothing to fall out over.

@Dyrne has it.
Your mother is being massively (deliberately?) oversensitive here. I'm willing to guess she has form for this and often picks fights that have you apologising and feeling guilty. I'm so sorry she's upset you, it sounds horrible.

Well strictly she is a guest, but it does sound pretty dismissive. She’s close family, and close family isn’t ever a ‘guest’.

Technically she's a guest, but I wouldn't refer to my family as guests. It seems a little formal. They're just family and they treat my home as their home. That said, it's a silly thing for your mum to get upset about. No big deal.

What was the context of you calling her a guest?

Guests/visitors both fine

Technically you're right but I don't think I'd ever refer to immediate family as guests, seems odd.

Unless you live in my house, you are a guest and company

My mum got upset over the exact same thing!! I can't remember the context now but it was completely innocent. To me a guest just means you are here but don't live here - it was weird

Well, how would she describe herself, if she's not a resident or a guest?

How tiresome. Is she normally so easily offended for no reason?

I would be a bit offended by this tbh. Sorry if I am classing myself as a high maintenance person.

I’m your mum, I am not a guest! You came out of me. If we have a functional, loving enough relationship, being told I am a guest when you are actually my world, would feel a bit alienating.

Tbf, I think I class my mam and my closest friends as something more than a guest, but not quite a resident. People who I fully trust to be in my house alone, people who can help themselves to food and drinks etc. To me 'guests' are hosted and my hospitality background comes out to play: topping up drinks, waiting on them (to some extent) etc.

But no one would be offended if I called them a guest...

She's your mother not a guest. I would be annoyed as well if my daughter said that. It removes something from a close and special relationship by referring to a loved one as a guest. What nonsense.

It depends on the context I think:

'I didn't know you had a teapot'
'We thought a pot would be nice when we have guests'

vs

'I'm just going upstairs to the loo'
'The downstairs loo is for guests'

Was it general conversation or did you specifically call her a guest?

It depends on context.

"Mum let me make the tea, you're my guest" while smiling pleasantly = a nice thing to say

"Ahh no you can't come round today friend, I have a guest here." while eye rolling = a bit off

"Sorry I can't talk about my BT Bill now I have a guest" while on phone = fine.

When I went to stay they used serving dishes etc because I was a guest, which I then helped wash up because I was 'one of the family'...

🤣 this is brilliant

Of course she’s a guest! What else is someone who doesn’t live in your house? My home is not my mum’s home, it’s mine (it’s only big enough for one person anyway!) she can visit whenever she wants and help herself to stuff but she’s still a guest! I’m not much of a host though. I tell all my guests to help themselves to whatever and I wouldn’t tidy up especially for someone’s arrival.