Offended about being referred to as a guest

[Ivenamechange]

I don't know if I am or if my mother is?
Basically what the title says.
I referred to mother as a guest in my home today. She was highly offended and said that as my mother she should not be referred to that way and that a friend is a guest etc.
I didn't mean any harm by it I only meant that if you are somebody else other than the people who live in the house I'd class them as a guest. The more I tried to explain this to her, the more offended she got.

Prehaps I was wrong?

Sorry if this isn't worded well, I'm a little upset and can't ask anybody IRL as it will get back to her and I don't want to cause more of an arguement.

[pleasedonttextmyman]

Your mum is weird

is she the kind who think she has a right to poke around all your belonging and you are not entitled to any privacy because she is not "a guest"?

Her reaction is completely OTT. Laughing "I am not your guest" - meaning you don't have to fuss over me would be fine, but "offended".
Christ, some people are hard work.

Could be worst, she could be your MIL

[billy1966]

You can also add an adjective to the word guest like "complete PITA guest, AKA, my mother".
God love you.

[DroopyClematis]

I'd never refer to my mum as a 'guest,' she's my mum and I'll always refer to her as my mum.

[Maggiesfarm]

@Dyrne

Start referring to her as “this batshit person in my house”. Or tell her that since she’s not a guest, her share of the rent/mortgage is due on the 1st of the month.

What a weird thing to be offended by.

:-) that's a good one.

What was the context, op (if you haven't already said)?

[pleasedonttextmyman]

@DroopyClematis

I'd never refer to my mum as a 'guest,' she's my mum and I'll always refer to her as my mum.

surely she can be both

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe]

I can see why she's offended, she's not a guest, she's family. That you are so insistent on making the distinction is why she's offended.

Would it not have been quicker/easier/more pleasant to say, "Sorry Mum, of course you're not a guest". Certainly quicker than posting a thread about it for a pile on about your Mum and how unreasonable she is.

Takes all sorts I suppose.

[SmileyClare]

I'd never refer to my mum as a "guest"

It's not an insult though? I'm not sure why it's a dirty word !?
What if you were asked by a visitor Does your mum live here? The obvious answer is No she's a guest, or No, she's just visiting.

[campion]

Guest suggests a certain formality in the relationship. Anyone could be a guest but close family - ie your mother - should feel a bit more relaxed. Eg I wouldn't expect a guest to go and make themselves a cup of tea when they feel like it unless I've invited them to. Your mother should be able to do that.
You would favour a guest with being served first, giving them your full attention etc in a way that close family don't need (assuming that you get along).

My late DM sometimes referred to DH as 'the guest' at mealtimes when we visited because she was a bit in awe of him and thought it was the right thing to do. It used to annoy me slightly and made him feel he wasn't quite part of the family , not massively but a bit irritatingly.She was doing it from a good place and I didn't want to upset her so we let it go.

I can see where you DM is coming from OP.

[BackforGood]

I just find it odd because I imagine OP’s mother was being mentioned to someone else by OP and referred to as a guest - “I have a guest here” rather than “my mother’s here”. It just seems a bit impersonal to refer to family that way IMO. But nothing to fall out over.

This ^
I can't imagine the context of where I referred to my Mum as 'a guest', so it does sound odd, even though technically, as a visitor, I guess she is a guest, but it still sounds odd.
I suppose it depends on the context.

That said, seems an odd thing to "be offended at" - I'd have just mocked you and then pretended I wasn't allowed to wash up or help with anything else that needed doing

[bringincrazyback]

YANBU. If someone doesn't live in a house they are a guest there.

[pootleforPM]

This is so weird. My mum doesn't live here, ergo when she is here she's a guest. I can't see why on earth anyone could take issue with that.

Official dictionary definition of a guest: a person who is staying with you, or a person you have invited to a social occasion, such as a party or a meal

Perhaps she checked the dictionary and as she wasn't staying and not invited to a social occasion, she is technically correct that she's not actually a guest?!

[Siepie]

She is your guest if she doesn’t live there.

It might be different if she lets herself in to babysit several days a week or similar. Still nothing to get offended about.

[thelegohooverer]

In my dm’s house there are levels of guestness and it’s essential to know your order in the hierarchy, which is relative to other visitors who may be more or less guesty thus requiring a more or less cushioned chair and possibly a change of beverage receptacle. It’s a complicated social minefield.

I’m appalled that anyone could imagine that a guest could be defined merely as someone who doesn’t live in the house! Barbarians the lot of you!

[therocinante]

@DroopyClematis

I'd never refer to my mum as a 'guest,' she's my mum and I'll always refer to her as my mum.

But presumably OP wasn't referring to her family status, but her status as a person who didn't live in the house.

My mum is still my mum if she's in my house, but it doesn't make her a resident of it. And anyone who's at our house who doesn't live there is a guest...?

[SmileyClare]

I think this is all a bit petty really.

However, If she is staying overnight, then remember not to refer to her room as the "guest bedroom"

That'll be like rubbing salt in your poor mother's wound.

[ViewFromHalfway]

Do those of you who think it's offensive dislike your guests??

I genuinely don't understand! Whether or not she's a guest has absolutely no relevance to whether or not she is a family member. A guest is someone who is in your house but doesn't live there. That's it. That could be a parent, child, sibling, friend, colleague, partner, acquaintance...

[DadDadDad]

@pootleforPM

This is so weird. My mum doesn't live here, ergo when she is here she's a guest. I can't see why on earth anyone could take issue with that.

Official dictionary definition of a guest: a person who is staying with you, or a person you have invited to a social occasion, such as a party or a meal

Perhaps she checked the dictionary and as she wasn't staying and not invited to a social occasion, she is technically correct that she's not actually a guest?!

That's interesting, @pootleforPM .

There are clearly some people for whom guest carries a judgement about status or some kind of negative connotation of formality.

For others it's a more neutral term per the dictionary definition.

But if your mother turns up at your door and lets herself in just for a chat does that definition imply she is not a guest? (You didn't invite her for this specific visit and there's no social occasion).

[Subbaxeo]

I can’t understand people getting offended by this-fair enough to say you don’t feel like a guest because you’re family but to actually be offended?? Life’s too short for that.

[Manista]

A guest is someone who is visiting you (there are other definitions but this is the first that dictionaries seem unanimous about). There's really no need to look at what words might imply, the dictionary definition generally nails it. I'd ask her, in the context of what was said, what word she would have preferred.

[Manista]

"Official dictionary definition of a guest: a person who is staying with you, or a person you have invited to a social occasion, such as a party or a meal"

"But if your mother turns up at your door and lets herself in just for a chat does that definition imply she is not a guest? (You didn't invite her for this specific visit and there's no social occasion)."

The dictionaries I checked stated that a guest is someone who is visiting you.

[pootleforPM]

@DadDadDad that's what I was wondering! The definition definitely doesn't cover all scenarios relating to people being in your house who don't live there. However........

Visitor: someone who visits a person or place

So perhaps the mum is actually a visitor rather than a guest. It's a minefield!!

[Dyrne]

I usually refer to DP’s best mate as an “uninvited nuisance”; and announce his presence to DP with “that bellend is here”.

Where does this place him in the hierarchy of “guest-ness”?

Personally, the more insulting I am about someone, the closer that indicates the relationship

[TimeIhadaNameChange]

I'm highly amused as my sister had a huge row with a friend of mine over this.

Friend rang my mother. Somehow, mid-conversation, my sister referred to herself as a 'guest' (phone on speakerphonw). At the end of the call my friend said she'd let mum get back to her guests (as that was the term my sister used) and all hell broke loose. My poor friend got a torrent of abuse from the bitch.

Utter bonkers! IMO she, like your mum, is a guest as she doesn't live there.

[SmileyClare]

If your mother turns up at your house and lets herself in just for a chat

Let's herself in? I would find that a bit annoying actually. What if I was having sex on the living room floor or something? My definition for that scenario would be "gatecrasher"

[DadDadDad]

@SmileyClare

If your mother turns up at your house and lets herself in just for a chat

Let's herself in? I would find that a bit annoying actually. What if I was having sex on the living room floor or something? My definition for that scenario would be "gatecrasher"

But surely in that scenario, your DH would make eye contact with her and say calmly "I think we've got a guest"