Offended about being referred to as a guest

[Ivenamechange]

I don't know if I am or if my mother is?
Basically what the title says.
I referred to mother as a guest in my home today. She was highly offended and said that as my mother she should not be referred to that way and that a friend is a guest etc.
I didn't mean any harm by it I only meant that if you are somebody else other than the people who live in the house I'd class them as a guest. The more I tried to explain this to her, the more offended she got.

Prehaps I was wrong?

Sorry if this isn't worded well, I'm a little upset and can't ask anybody IRL as it will get back to her and I don't want to cause more of an arguement.

[museumum]

This is all very strange. Everybody who doesn't have their own bed in my house is a guest when they come to visit.
It doesn't mean we stand to attention for close family, they are welcome to put the kettle on etc. But I wouldn't expect to come home and find they'd decided to let themselves in and sleep over without asking.

[ShadowInVain]

Hmm ... not something to be offended about but there is a difference between close family members and other visitors - you don't tend to stand on ceremony and your routine carries on as normal. They don't get the full guest service, at least, not in my house!

[firstimemamma]

In your mum's shoes I'd have been pretty annoyed but not enough to have said something.

[goodwinter]

@Biancadelrioisback

Tbf, I think I class my mam and my closest friends as something more than a guest, but not quite a resident. People who I fully trust to be in my house alone, people who can help themselves to food and drinks etc. To me 'guests' are hosted and my hospitality background comes out to play: topping up drinks, waiting on them (to some extent) etc.

But no one would be offended if I called them a guest...

Yeah, I'm the same. I would never refer to my mum as a "guest", but then again there's no formality whatsoever in our relationship and I think "guest" implies a bit of that. Like you say, a guest is someone you would entertain, cook for etc. Mum can (and does) help herself and do her own thing!

[Ivenamechange]

Thank you all for your replies, I haven't had chance to read them all yet - didn't expect so many.
I should have said the contexted it was used...
My mother had popped round (which she usually does no issue there). My car was having its MOT, garage phoned to say it'll be ready shortly. So I said I've just got guests over at the moment but I will be there as soon as I can.
That's when she took offence.

[pleasedonttextmyman]

@firstimemamma

In your mum's shoes I'd have been pretty annoyed but not enough to have said something.

why?

[ChittyChittyBangBangChicken]

She might prefer not to be called a guest, but technically that's what she is, and it's silly of her to make a fuss about it. She should have bitten her tongue and realised how irrelevant a thing it is to find upsetting.

That said... My usually easy-going DH gets annoyed when I say things like, "I don't like people hovering behind me while I'm writing an email," to ask him to give me more space. His logic is that he's my husband, not "people", and he doesn't like being referred to as "people". (Whatever, you get the point. Give me my space!)

[ineedaholidaynow]

Surely saying you have guests when speaking to the garage makes more sense than saying your mum is there. It tells them why you can’t be there straight away. They don’t need to know the personal relationship of the guest

[DadDadDad]

Now I've read the OP's update, I think your mother was unreasonable to get annoyed. You were talking to a garage and reached for a simple term that was enough to explain to the garage why you couldn't come straightaway - it really doesn't show any value-judgement about your mum.

If instead, you'd been speaking to your mum and said something like "we prefer it if guests don't go in the dining room at the moment because all my work papers are in there", clearly lumping your mother in with some formality around what a guest can do, then she might have reason to feel a little bit put out. (My mum would just make a joke of it: "guests?! I'm your mother!" but said with us all laughing - I can't see her making a big deal of it).

[shouldistop]

Reading your update I don't think your mum should have been offended

[PoorCatto]

I'd rather be referred to as a guest than the other option of a visitor. Where I grew up 'having visitors' was colloquial for having fleas.

[couchparsnip]

With the context she's BU to be upset at that. Why does she care how you refer to her on the phone to the garage?

[Ivenamechange]

She can be easily offended looking back on stuff. And is very quick to judge, house is messy, etc etc.
She has a key to my house as she sometimes pick DC up from school if I have to work late, which is fab and I'm grateful for.
She does offer to help clean which I appreciate, but when I've cleaned She will still say it's messy. Even bought her own cleaning stuff over last week and said right were going to get this house clean, it's a mess. I'd spent all morning cleaning... it was tidy.
Though she makes me feel guilty because she's helping... I have tried to say it's ok and I am grateful but with DC the house isn't always going to look like a show house.
Getting back to the guest thing though, I would never call her that to say my sister or brother, I'd say mum is here.
Sorry for not including the context earlier! I was a bit frazzled.

[Skiptheheartsandflowers]

I was going to ask if your mum as always such hard work, but reading your latest post I can see the answer is 'yes'. Commiserations.

I would just ignore it now and if she brings it up again say 'are you still thinking about that? It was a badly put phrase, why punish us all for it by going on?'

[museumum]

Your mum is very unreasonable. If you'd said to the garage 'I can't pick the car up now because my mum is here' they'd be it makes no sense as a reason. 'I have guests' does.

[plodalong12]

I’ve changed my mind too reading the update. I assumed it was a friend the OP was talking to when referring to her mother as a guest, not a business.

[SmileyClare]

Urgh it sounds as though your mum hasn't moved on from the parent-child relationship. She's treating you like a child if she thinks it's fine to interfere with everything and to reprimand you if you're not doing things to her liking! How suffocating for you.

I understand you're grateful for her help with childcare but you can tell her Its your house and you can decide whether to clean it or not! "Mum we're both adults, please stop telling me off"

Of course it was sensible to tell the garage you had a guest. They have no idea if you live with your parents. It would have been confusing to say your mum was there.

In fact she should have asked if it was inconvenient for her to stay. Clearly you had plans and needed to collect your car.

You've done nothing wrong.

[FirstTimeMommy2021]

Wow a little OTT from ur mum but yes you are right she is a guest. When I visit my mum and she tells me to go and put the kettle on I jokingly say "Hey I'm the guest here" obviously I do go and pop the kettle on but she doesn't bite my head off for saying I'm a guest..
Weird one

[lottiegarbanzo]

Yes, visitor is different from guest.

[ALongHardWinter]

Unless it's YOUR home,you are a guest!

[BeautifulDresses]

A guest to me is not close family.

[ineedaholidaynow]

@BeautifulDresses so how would you have responded in the phone call conversation OP had? Saying you have a guest makes much more sense than saying your mum was there

[BackforGood]

With the context, what you said makes absolute sense.
'Guests here' is a valid reason not to come to collect the car at that point.
Your Mum is bonkers but will she come and tidy / clean my house if I give her a key ?

[FirstTimeMommy2021]

@Ivenamechange

Thank you all for your replies, I haven't had chance to read them all yet - didn't expect so many.
I should have said the contexted it was used...
My mother had popped round (which she usually does no issue there). My car was having its MOT, garage phoned to say it'll be ready shortly. So I said I've just got guests over at the moment but I will be there as soon as I can.
That's when she took offence.

She shouldn't have taken offence. You were making the mechanic aware you wouldn't be there immediately and a brief reason why. It would be more weird if you said to him "my mom is here at the moment...."
bit random lol

[PieceOfString]

Speaking to a garage mechanic you don't need to specifically qualify your exact relationship with the person in whose company you are, in order to explain your delay in collecting the car.
She's being an idiot.