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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say he shouldn’t go?

101 replies

Santastealer · 30/07/2021 08:11

We are on holiday next week and so I’ve been restricting mine and the DC activities over the last week to reduce our risk of catching covid or being classed as a close contact.

DH has a night out planned tonight. Planned a while ago and at the time I said it wasn’t a good idea so close to our holiday. He is insisting he is going. To be fair he hasn’t been out with friends in ages and obviously hasn’t been round the pubs in a very long time. However we get one holiday a year… there will be other nights out.

Cases here are really high. If he catches covid none of us will be able to go on holiday. If he is a close contact I would struggle to go without him as it’s a 7 hour drive with 2 preschoolers.

AIBU to say he shouldn’t go? I can’t stop him obviously and I’m sure despite my protests he is going to go anyway. But if we miss our holiday because he catches COVID I will be furious and my kids will be upset.

OP posts:

pinkcircustop · 30/07/2021 08:13

I think YABU. We can’t put our lives on hold because of covid; we have to learn to live with it.

You say he doesn’t do this often, so obviously there aren’t lots of nights out. What will be will be.

Saidtoomuch · 30/07/2021 08:14

He's foolish if he does go so close to a holiday!

MattHancocksSexTape · 30/07/2021 08:15

@pinkcircustop Surely learning to live with covid is limiting the risks you take when you have planned events? So drinking outside instead of being in a pub etc.

Ignoring covid isn’t living with it.

Persephonesgrove · 30/07/2021 08:15

Well he is a grown man. Telling him he can or can't go out, is really over the top.

So 2 weeks before your holiday, you have essentially isolated you, him and the kids?

I get the concern, but saying all activities are banned if you have something planned, is taking it to an extreme imo.

Original poster

Santastealer · 30/07/2021 08:15

@pinkcircustop

I think YABU. We can’t put our lives on hold because of covid; we have to learn to live with it.

You say he doesn’t do this often, so obviously there aren’t lots of nights out. What will be will be.

He hasn’t done it recently because of covid. In usually times it would be at least once per month for big night out. Plus a weekly night down the local.

There will be many other nights out. I won’t get a holiday again until next summer.

OP posts:

SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/07/2021 08:16

I would chill out. Life goes on. Have neither of you been to the gym/supermarket/work because you’re going on holiday?you’ve just holed up in the house in case?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 30/07/2021 08:16

We can’t put our lives on hold because of covid; we have to learn to live with it

But the OP can't just go on holiday if her DH tests positive so it's him that's putting their life on hold if he catches it by going out! I'd say a family holiday trumps a night out personally

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/07/2021 08:17

I understand your concern. Is a compromise that he stays outside the pub?

Original poster

Santastealer · 30/07/2021 08:18

@Persephonesgrove

Well he is a grown man. Telling him he can or can't go out, is really over the top.

So 2 weeks before your holiday, you have essentially isolated you, him and the kids?

I get the concern, but saying all activities are banned if you have something planned, is taking it to an extreme imo.

I have not completely isolated us, just taken sensible precautions. So me and the kids are still going out, but we are only meeting friends outside. The kids are going to parks instead of soft play etc.

A night out round the pubs is a really high risk. Multiple people all in a small space in a town where cases are high with no mask wearing.

OP posts:

SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/07/2021 08:18

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

I understand your concern. Is a compromise that he stays outside the pub?

What, looking in through the window at his mates having a drink 😂

Original poster

Santastealer · 30/07/2021 08:19

@SmidgenofaPigeon

I would chill out. Life goes on. Have neither of you been to the gym/supermarket/work because you’re going on holiday?you’ve just holed up in the house in case?

I’m off work now for the summer. He has to attend work. Nothing we can do about that.

I can’t eliminate all risk… so it’s sensible to eliminate some where possible if we stand a chance of going away.

OP posts:

BigSandyBalls2015 · 30/07/2021 08:22

Tell him to turn the app off or delete it

SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/07/2021 08:22

For one thing, delete the app so he doesn’t get the ping- it’s a bullshit inaccurate thing anyway. You DO stand a good chance of going away, even if he goes to the pub. He will very very likely not get covid.

ColettesEarrings · 30/07/2021 08:23

At least ask him to turn the app off If he has it.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 30/07/2021 08:23

You are ott.. Cases are dropping since school finished.. As long as he isn't going for drinka with a secondary school class and will be mindful, he shouldn't have to be cancelling something planned long time ago.

Persephonesgrove · 30/07/2021 08:26

Op you are going to tell him you don't want him going anyway. So why post?

I stand by my yabu. But you obviously don't think you are and that's fine. But just get on and do what you are doing.

Chickychoccyegg · 30/07/2021 08:27

I think not going on a night out just before your holiday is a reasonable precaution, especially if numbers are high where you live, yes we need to learn to live with it and try and get back to as normal as possible, but surely missing 1 night out isn't that big a deal.
If he becomes a close contact, still go on holiday without him, you'll manage, even with it veing a long drive, (could you stop half way over night ?)

RedHelenB · 30/07/2021 08:27

He's just as likely to catch it from work surely? Yabu!

PhoenixReincarnated · 30/07/2021 08:30

I understand your concerns OP. A few days ago I spent about half an hour with someone who has since tested positive for covid. I did a lft which tested positive, since confirmed by a pcr test.

You can't stop him but if I was you I'd be furious if I couldn't go on holiday, because his night out resulted in him being a contact/getting covid.

Original poster

Santastealer · 30/07/2021 08:30

@RedHelenB

He's just as likely to catch it from work surely? Yabu!

Well then he is doubling his risk by going out as well as attending work!

If he catches it at work there isn’t anything we can do. It’s a risk our family have to take as he has to go. He does not have to go on a night out this week.

OP posts:

M0rT · 30/07/2021 08:32

Do you have a friend or sister you could line up to come on holiday if he can't go?
I'd do that so at least you don't have to miss out on your holiday.
It sounds like you can't actually stop him so better to do damage mitigation.

Aprilx · 30/07/2021 08:32

Are neither of you going shopping or otherwise leaving the house?Would you both be staying away from work if you are in roles that need you to go in?

Original poster

Santastealer · 30/07/2021 08:34

@M0rT

Do you have a friend or sister you could line up to come on holiday if he can't go? I'd do that so at least you don't have to miss out on your holiday. It sounds like you can't actually stop him so better to do damage mitigation.

We are meeting family there so would be ok once we get there. It’s just the 7 hour drive I would have to do alone. I will manage if I have to.

If he is a close contact I will moving out with the kids as soon as he is informed to make sure he doesn’t then later test positive and cause me to isolate.

OP posts:

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 30/07/2021 08:35

You can catch it outdoors and at work so none of you have been isolating so forbidding a night out seems pointless. Unless you plan to never leave the holiday accommodation you could catch it any point.

Original poster

Santastealer · 30/07/2021 08:37

@Aprilx

Are neither of you going shopping or otherwise leaving the house?Would you both be staying away from work if you are in roles that need you to go in?

This has been answered already.

I am taking sensible precautions to limit our contacts to increase the chances of being able to go on holiday.

We cannot eliminate all risk, I don’t expect to and that isn’t what this is about.

It’s about my husband not doing his bit to lower risk levels where he can, just in the run up to a much needed holiday.

Yes he is attending work. Yes I will visit a supermarket if I really need to. I am not asking is to live like hermits and I accept there is some risk from these activities. But I am expecting we make sensible decisions about our social lives which we can influence to lower our risk level at the minute.

OP posts:

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