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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say he shouldn’t go?

101 replies

Santastealer · 30/07/2021 08:11

We are on holiday next week and so I’ve been restricting mine and the DC activities over the last week to reduce our risk of catching covid or being classed as a close contact.

DH has a night out planned tonight. Planned a while ago and at the time I said it wasn’t a good idea so close to our holiday. He is insisting he is going. To be fair he hasn’t been out with friends in ages and obviously hasn’t been round the pubs in a very long time. However we get one holiday a year… there will be other nights out.

Cases here are really high. If he catches covid none of us will be able to go on holiday. If he is a close contact I would struggle to go without him as it’s a 7 hour drive with 2 preschoolers.

AIBU to say he shouldn’t go? I can’t stop him obviously and I’m sure despite my protests he is going to go anyway. But if we miss our holiday because he catches COVID I will be furious and my kids will be upset.

OP posts:
User5827372728 · 30/07/2021 12:00

We limited contact before our hol.

A friends just been called by T&T 2 days before their week holiday so they’ve missed it all.

Zombiemum1946 · 30/07/2021 12:00

Is there flexibility with dh and friends for dates ? Could he change it to after the holiday? Seems a bit unfair to prioritise a night in the pub over a holiday with the family. With anything like that dh and I have discussed it and tried to minimise risks.

Original poster
Santastealer · 30/07/2021 15:59

@Dillydollydingdong

I hope he doesn't get pinged because someone in the pub has tested positive.
He won’t get pinged as he doesn’t have the app.

But if one of his friends tests positive he will be named as a contact. Or if he bumps into someone he knows who later names him.

OP posts:
FAD2016 · 30/07/2021 16:16

YANBU. What you have described is exactly what ‘learning to live with COVID’ should look like. You weigh up risk versus benefit for each activity. LTLWC shouldn’t mean just fucking ignore the virus and pretend it doesn’t exist

RealBecca · 30/07/2021 17:51

Travel insurance.

Original poster
Santastealer · 30/07/2021 18:11

@RealBecca

Travel insurance.
Wouldn’t pay out as we are renting the property with extended family members. They would still be able to travel so would just be our household at home.
OP posts:
legosunqueen · 30/07/2021 18:20

I'm with you OP, it would be insane to risk a holiday for a night out that can take place at any time...not worth the risk...

usernotfound0000 · 30/07/2021 19:35

Wouldn’t pay out as we are renting the property with extended family members. They would still be able to travel so would just be our household at home.

You might be surprised OP. We had a bit house booked a few years ago with 3 other families, DD got chicken pox so we couldn't travel, we managed to get our share back via travel insurance. Hopefully you won't need it though!

emeraldcity2000 · 30/07/2021 20:30

Yanbu. We limited contact before our holiday - withdrew kids from activities not in core school / nursery bubbles, didn't see friends the weekend before travel and worked entirely from home. It's been a shit year and we didn't want to risk the holiday.

Iggly · 30/07/2021 20:34

@pinkcircustop

I think YABU. We can’t put our lives on hold because of covid; we have to learn to live with it.

You say he doesn’t do this often, so obviously there aren’t lots of nights out. What will be will be.

That means following the current regulations….
HalzTangz · 30/07/2021 21:58

Have you and him had both jabs, if so you reduce your risk of getting it, and if you do get it it's likely to be mild. Therefore I'd still go on holiday, and just social distance whilst you are there.

There's hundreds of asymptomatic people walking around, going to work, carrying and passing covid unintentionally. How is that any different to someone with covid waking around

HalzTangz · 30/07/2021 22:04

But 2hilst you are going work, shopping or socialising you are minimising the risk. The only way to minimise risk is to do none of those things. It only takes one person with covid to pass it on and that could be one of your low risk contacts

HalzTangz · 30/07/2021 22:07

@usernotfound0000

I think OP is getting a hard time here. I can totally see where you are coming from and would be asking DP not to go to packed pubs so close to a holiday. And the people who are suggesting meeting 1 friend in the park (presumably not drunk!) is the same as going to busy pubs and getting drunk with 9 friends are bonkers! And I'm all for opening up, living with it, making the most of life before I get accused of being a lockdown lover!
Not really, when that 1 friend in the park could be the one carrying covid
Iggi999 · 30/07/2021 22:11

He won’t get pinged as he doesn’t have the app
Is there no more checking in when you go into pubs and restaurants? (I'm not up on the rules in England)

Original poster
Santastealer · 30/07/2021 22:17

@HalzTangz

But 2hilst you are going work, shopping or socialising you are minimising the risk. The only way to minimise risk is to do none of those things. It only takes one person with covid to pass it on and that could be one of your low risk contacts
No…. To. Eliminate risk I would do nothing at all and completely isolate. To minimise risk you cut down on social contact and reduce your activities where possible.

Yes both double jabbed. We wouldn’t however go on holiday knowing any of us were positive. It may be mild for us, but it may not be for someone else we could pass it too.

OP posts:
OhRene · 30/07/2021 22:18

The only way to minimise risk is to do none of those things.

@HalzTangz look up the word "Minimise".

You are looking for the word "Eliminate".

OP IS minimising the risks by not going into crowded pubs, staying out of people's homes, keeping away from people physically by meeting only outside and being over 2m apart.

I'm no statistician but hey, I can tell you that there is more chance of catching Covid from being around 50+ possible carriers inside a building than being outdoors, 2m or more from a single possible carrier.

Original poster
Santastealer · 30/07/2021 22:18

He has taken some hand sanitizer with him and so I just have to hope for the best now!

OP posts:
Original poster
Santastealer · 30/07/2021 22:19

@OhRene

The only way to minimise risk is to do none of those things.

@HalzTangz look up the word "Minimise".

You are looking for the word "Eliminate".

OP IS minimising the risks by not going into crowded pubs, staying out of people's homes, keeping away from people physically by meeting only outside and being over 2m apart.

I'm no statistician but hey, I can tell you that there is more chance of catching Covid from being around 50+ possible carriers inside a building than being outdoors, 2m or more from a single possible carrier.

I’m a mathematician and can tell you that’s correct!
OP posts:
OhRene · 30/07/2021 22:22

Sadly it's ridiculous thinking (or would it be lack of thinking?) like what I've read on this thread that has contributed to the whole bloody pandemic.

OnTheBoardwalk · 30/07/2021 22:28

I’m away next week and have self isolated last week and this. I’ve even gone back to leaving shopping in garden for my mother this week

The thought of getting away has been the only thing that’s kept me going. I personally wouldn’t jeopardise for night in the pub

Lefthousewithpooinhair · 30/07/2021 22:33

If he did get named as a contact, and you a driving to the holiday, could you all just not go a few days later?

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 30/07/2021 23:11

[quote MattHancocksSexTape]@pinkcircustop Surely learning to live with covid is limiting the risks you take when you have planned events? So drinking outside instead of being in a pub etc.

Ignoring covid isn’t living with it.[/quote]
This. It's fucking mind-boggling how people haven't understood what living with it actually means yet.

INeedNewShoes · 31/07/2021 13:32

Just on the subject of the long drive, the long drive to my parents is 6 hours during the day but at night, setting off at 7pm, it’s 4.5 hours and completely manageable on my own while DC sleeps most of the journey.

Would that be an option for you OP?

OhGiveUp · 31/07/2021 13:42

Even if test and trace do contact him, they will be contacting him on his mobile and there's no proof of where he is at that particular time, so I would still be going on my holiday.
YABU. You can't live a life of what ifs and yes buts.
Look at it another way.....supposing you're on day 2 of a week long holiday, test and trace contact you to tell you to isolate because your colleague has tested positive.
What do you do then? You can't isolate for 10 days at your holiday accommodation as it's been booked out to someone else following you.
You're going to have to leave at the end of the holiday to get home, thus going out of isolation to do so.
That is how farcical it all is.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/08/2021 19:27

I think yanbu OP. Lots of people would take the opposite decision but I think both partners need to be happy with the risk.

I’my really worried about the kids having holiday club the week before our (U.K.) holiday, but I have to work!