Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say he shouldn’t go?

101 replies

Santastealer · 30/07/2021 08:11

We are on holiday next week and so I’ve been restricting mine and the DC activities over the last week to reduce our risk of catching covid or being classed as a close contact.

DH has a night out planned tonight. Planned a while ago and at the time I said it wasn’t a good idea so close to our holiday. He is insisting he is going. To be fair he hasn’t been out with friends in ages and obviously hasn’t been round the pubs in a very long time. However we get one holiday a year… there will be other nights out.

Cases here are really high. If he catches covid none of us will be able to go on holiday. If he is a close contact I would struggle to go without him as it’s a 7 hour drive with 2 preschoolers.

AIBU to say he shouldn’t go? I can’t stop him obviously and I’m sure despite my protests he is going to go anyway. But if we miss our holiday because he catches COVID I will be furious and my kids will be upset.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 30/07/2021 09:19

You sound like hard work

And you sound rude and completely lacking in any kind of understanding Hmm

pigglepot · 30/07/2021 09:54

@NotYourNachos

You sound like hard work

Perhaps he’d rather catch covid than go on holiday with you?

She sounds like hard work because she is expecting her husband to prioritise a family holiday over a night out in a pandemic?!

You sound deeply unpleasant.

Pearlywunzel · 30/07/2021 09:57

I think you're entirely reasonable, OP, and we are doing the same things here to protect our holiday.

sirfredfredgeorge · 30/07/2021 09:57

You can do the drive to meet your family yourself, you just don't really want to. So what you're actually saying, is he has to give up his night out, so he can drive you to meet your family, simply to save you having to do a long drive, you've not mentioned once how important it would be for him to be there, indeed you've minimised his involvement by saying how you'd have help etc. All you want him for is the drive.

I can certainly imagine why someone would not be prepared to lose some time with their friends simply to save you a bit of a drive.

Does he even like his in-laws?

usernotfound0000 · 30/07/2021 10:05

I think OP is getting a hard time here. I can totally see where you are coming from and would be asking DP not to go to packed pubs so close to a holiday. And the people who are suggesting meeting 1 friend in the park (presumably not drunk!) is the same as going to busy pubs and getting drunk with 9 friends are bonkers!
And I'm all for opening up, living with it, making the most of life before I get accused of being a lockdown lover!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 30/07/2021 10:12

Your other posts say you were on holiday last month too so maybe he doesn’t see it as a unique thing to preserve by not seeing his friends.

RampantIvy · 30/07/2021 10:14

You can do the drive to meet your family yourself, you just don't really want to

I don't blame her. When DH and I do a 7 hour drive we split the journey. Driving for 7 hours in busy traffic is very tiring.

Elys3 · 30/07/2021 10:19

It’s sensible risk management in order to increase the chances of being able to take a holiday you really want to go on. I have been limiting indoor interactions as well because I don’t want to spend my much anticipated holiday isolating at home for ten days!

Elys3 · 30/07/2021 10:20

Perhaps he isn’t bothered whether he goes or not?

Quartz2208 · 30/07/2021 10:21

Pubs are a massive driver in this - the football effect of the Euros isnt the games at Wembley as much as at the pub. Loads of parents (mainly Dads) went down in the last two weeks of school due to being at a pub.

I agree it is about priorities and minimising risk to protect the holiday. We are having a very quiet week before we go away and just meeting people outside for that very reason

Dfdsdfds · 30/07/2021 10:28

YANBU a night on the lash ahead of a 7 hour drive with two small children and a holiday with the in-laws is hardly sensible (though probably understandable lol)!

He will go anyway. Get him to switch the app off and prepare for him to be too hungover to drive.

Hope you have a lovely holiday.

Hamster1111 · 30/07/2021 10:41

I wonder if your husband is hoping for a nice quiet week alone at home... Grin

Lefthousewithpooinhair · 30/07/2021 10:54

@sirfredfredgeorge

You can do the drive to meet your family yourself, you just don't really want to. So what you're actually saying, is he has to give up his night out, so he can drive you to meet your family, simply to save you having to do a long drive, you've not mentioned once how important it would be for him to be there, indeed you've minimised his involvement by saying how you'd have help etc. All you want him for is the drive.

I can certainly imagine why someone would not be prepared to lose some time with their friends simply to save you a bit of a drive.

Does he even like his in-laws?

This ^
fluffythedragonslayer · 30/07/2021 11:11

I went out for a drink with friends not really thinking about it, I was then named as a close contact when one of them tested positive and I had to cancel my mini break I was due to go on a week later. I didn't get Covid. But I did miss my holiday as I had to isolate. YANBU.

OhRene · 30/07/2021 11:20

I'm with you OP. It's fair enough to have a rare evening out but coming up to a holiday? One that you all would have to miss and lose all the money you have paid out for? I don't think it's worth it.

A friend had to cancel her whole wedding last minute, losing everything that wasn't covered by her insurance (surprisingly a lot!), and guests lost out on hotel bookings, booked annual leave, transport etc so some couldn't actually afford to go to the new wedding date shortly after due to their losses. It was all down to the bride having her hen do a couple of days before the wedding date. A few Hens and the bride herself caught Covid from the pub crawl and that was it. Postponed wedding, financial losses and upset guests.

Deadringer · 30/07/2021 11:23

I think he is being selfish. He can have a night out after the holiday, or anytime really. Yanbu.

toocold54 · 30/07/2021 11:27

YABU if he’s going to go anyway - as there’s no point arguing and getting mad about something you can’t change.

Is it a special place/event he’s going or just to a pub type thing?
YANBU to be annoyed as I would be fuming. If he tests positive then he will ruin it for everyone. I’m sure he can’t wait and go to the pub after you all get back.
If I was fortunate enough to have a holiday booked I’d be isolating as much as I could as there’s no way I’d want to be ill or test positive for it!

Scarby9 · 30/07/2021 11:29

Op, YANBU. I am with you on this.

All the posters saying that, essentially, you don't have a leg to stand on unless you and the DC have been totally isolating for the last fortnight are completely missing the point.

Yes, we have to learn to live with Covid. That means taking reasonable risks - balancing risk with 'reward'. So, it is risky for the DC to go to school, but they benefit educationally and socially. It is risky for DH to go to work, but the mortgage needs to be paid and the family clothed and fed. Both 100% risks where the reward outways the danger.
Playing with friends or meeting friends for a coffee? Less 'essential' but very beneficial to mental health of all concerned. So, minimise the risk and meet outdoors or in a well-ventilated, wrll-managed indoor space.

Going drinking in a crowded pub just before a family holiday? Nope.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 30/07/2021 11:32

@Dfdsdfds

YANBU a night on the lash ahead of a 7 hour drive with two small children and a holiday with the in-laws is hardly sensible (though probably understandable lol)!

He will go anyway. Get him to switch the app off and prepare for him to be too hungover to drive.

Hope you have a lovely holiday.

If he will be still hangovered next week he needs to see a doctor
SquashMinusIsShit · 30/07/2021 11:33

Is it your family you're meeting @Santastealer? You said 'family' but not specified which side

SquashMinusIsShit · 30/07/2021 11:34

Also I don't think many people would relish a 7 hour drive with two preschoolers in their own, I know I wouldn't.

timeisnotaline · 30/07/2021 11:37

I would state clearly in one syllable words that your plan B if he fucks the family holiday for everyone is that you are going on your own. He will have to take a week off work to look after dc at another point. If this is simply impossible for him over summer you will make it up in 3 separate weekends away solo within the next few months. His choices might stop the family holiday but you can make choices too, and he will have to parent while you are gone.

Georgeatemyhat · 30/07/2021 11:42

YANBU. We are taking the same approach and limiting indoor activities to essential childcare and work in the run up to our holiday as we want to minimise our risk of having to isolate and miss it.

But we are quite cautious and haven't yet returned to indoor social activities like soft play/gym/restaurants/bowling in general, so perhaps not the best indication of what's reasonable!

lastcall · 30/07/2021 11:48

Ha! I'd tell him of course he can go, but if he gets pinged, you're leaving the toddlers home with him and you're going to go have a lovely week away on your own.

Dillydollydingdong · 30/07/2021 11:54

I hope he doesn't get pinged because someone in the pub has tested positive.