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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say he shouldn’t go?

101 replies

Santastealer · 30/07/2021 08:11

We are on holiday next week and so I’ve been restricting mine and the DC activities over the last week to reduce our risk of catching covid or being classed as a close contact.

DH has a night out planned tonight. Planned a while ago and at the time I said it wasn’t a good idea so close to our holiday. He is insisting he is going. To be fair he hasn’t been out with friends in ages and obviously hasn’t been round the pubs in a very long time. However we get one holiday a year… there will be other nights out.

Cases here are really high. If he catches covid none of us will be able to go on holiday. If he is a close contact I would struggle to go without him as it’s a 7 hour drive with 2 preschoolers.

AIBU to say he shouldn’t go? I can’t stop him obviously and I’m sure despite my protests he is going to go anyway. But if we miss our holiday because he catches COVID I will be furious and my kids will be upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
Santastealer · 30/07/2021 08:39

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

You can catch it outdoors and at work so none of you have been isolating so forbidding a night out seems pointless. Unless you plan to never leave the holiday accommodation you could catch it any point.
Of course we could! As I’ve said I am not expecting there to be no risk.

It’s about minimising risk.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 30/07/2021 08:42

But you are meeting friends too. Outside doesn't help if someone you met ends up testing positive.

RampantIvy · 30/07/2021 08:43

You can catch it outdoors and at work

The risks of catching it in a crowded pub are much greater. Surely anyone can see that?

I understand your concerns @Santastealer, and wouldn't be impressed with your husband's plans either.

DD went back to her university town for a summer ball recently. When she cam back she hibernated in her room until she had two negative lateral flow tests.

She is a biomedical sciences student who has studied covid, and has a better grasp of the risks.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/07/2021 08:43

Ah so you wanted everyone to say YANBU and he’s being selfish? Otherwise it’s not very clear why you’ve posted.

SquashMinusIsShit · 30/07/2021 08:45

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, I know loads. Of people who were/are limiting their activity in the run up to a holiday so they don't risk missing it.

Re: risk of catching it at work, surely it also depends on what he does. If I was going into the office it is spaced out, good ventilation, masks in busy areas. Very very different to a drunken night in the pub (or multiple pubs)

Original poster
Santastealer · 30/07/2021 08:45

@SchrodingersImmigrant

But you are meeting friends too. Outside doesn't help if someone you met ends up testing positive.
I’ve met one friend outside on the park. We sat on separate benches and I plan on doing the same once next week. Minimal risk but I agree not no risk.

The risk outdoors is much lower than indoors.

He is meeting a group of 9 friends and going round packed pubs with poor ventilation! Completely different to my one person outside!

OP posts:
lughnasadh · 30/07/2021 08:45

If it's a UK holiday, just don't test. Don't use the app.

The night out is no more risky than the actual holiday, or working, or shopping.

Why look for problems?

AlternativePerspective · 30/07/2021 08:46

Tbh you’r only trying to minimise when you catch it as opposed to if you catch it.

Ultimately you can catch it anywhere, but if you’re thinking of places with higher numbers of people then you’re just as likely to catch it on holiday as on a night out. So what you have to ask yourself is what you’re most concerned about. Catching it altogether? Or missing your holiday`/ Because if it’s the latter then no amount of precaution is going to stop you catching it.

If you’re concerned about catching it altogether then going on holiday is a bad idea anyway. Of the people I know who have been diagnosed with COVID lately, the majority have been diagnosed after or during a holiday.

Persephonesgrove · 30/07/2021 08:47

Op you were pro everything opening up and 'learning to live with it' weren't you?

Is this what people meant by learning to live with it. Have everything open, but create your own restrictions? And call people selfish for not doing as you believe they should?

Doesn't really feel like learning to live with it.

Original poster
Santastealer · 30/07/2021 08:48

@SquashMinusIsShit

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, I know loads. Of people who were/are limiting their activity in the run up to a holiday so they don't risk missing it.

Re: risk of catching it at work, surely it also depends on what he does. If I was going into the office it is spaced out, good ventilation, masks in busy areas. Very very different to a drunken night in the pub (or multiple pubs)

His work is office based, masks worn. But even if it was really high risk I still wouldn’t think adding to that risk with a night out would be sensible.
OP posts:
Original poster
Santastealer · 30/07/2021 08:50

@Persephonesgrove

Op you were pro everything opening up and 'learning to live with it' weren't you?

Is this what people meant by learning to live with it. Have everything open, but create your own restrictions? And call people selfish for not doing as you believe they should?

Doesn't really feel like learning to live with it.

I am absolutely pro everything opening and people making their own decisions.

“Learning to live with it” is exactly this. It’s making your own sensible decisions to minimise your risk. It’s not going out and doing everything possible just because you legally can.

I do think it’s selfish to put his night out before our family holiday.

As I’ve said I can’t stop him going. He is his own person and will do as he pleases. I will just cross everything possible that he doesn’t catch anything!

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 30/07/2021 08:51

If it's a UK holiday, just don't test. Don't use the app. so you’re suggesting that if any of them get symptoms they don’t test?

Also not using the app only means that if you’re in contact with an unknown who tests positive, then you won’t know, anyone who tests positive and doesn’t tell those they know they were in contact with is grossly irresponsible. There are more ways than the app of knowing you’ve been in contact with COVID fgs.

It’s little wonder that the figures are so high when people suggest such idiotic measures to not miss a holiday.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 30/07/2021 08:51

I’ve met one friend outside on the park. We sat on separate benches and I plan on doing the same once next week. Minimal risk but I agree not no risk.

So me and the kids are still going out, but we are only meeting friends outside. The kids are going to parks instead of soft play etc.

You might want to decide which is it next time so no one has to be confuasd why you can be meeting friends and he can't

Lefthousewithpooinhair · 30/07/2021 08:55

This is unreasonable, you should voice your concern to him, which it sounds like you have, and then let him choose what he thinks is the right thing.
If you make him not go, he will likely resent you. This night out with him friends might be important to him. Could even be as important as your family holiday is to you.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 30/07/2021 08:56

Yanbu.

This thread is frustrating me. Its been proven that outside of schools, pubs and nightclubs are places where the disease is spreading thr highest. He has to go to work. You will have to go to the shops sometime. But I do know people who have had holidays ruined because of covid, holidays especially at the moment are expensive and hard to rearrange so surely it's completely sensible to try and reduce the chances of your holiday being ruined, where you can? Missing one night out, to maximise the chances of your holiday happening, seems sensible and not that big a sacrifice.
We have both said no to nights out that are in the week before our holiday as they are in city centres, will involve public transport which we dont normally get etc, its increasing our risk and I'd be absolutely gutted if I couldnt go on holiday for thr sake of a night out which I can rearrange for when I'm back.

The people saying 'you have to work and shop so what's the difference'...going out is an additional risk, plus pubs and clubs are higher risks. Just because you tske some lower scale unavoidable risks doesnt mean you should just say fuck it and take any higher risk as well

SquashMinusIsShit · 30/07/2021 08:59

you can be meeting friends and he can't

there's a big difference between meeting one person in a park and a pub crawl with 9 others Confused

AlternativePerspective · 30/07/2021 09:00

Is this what people meant by learning to live with it. Have everything open, but create your own restrictions? And call people selfish for not doing as you believe they should? of course you create your own restrictions/take your own precautions. Opening up doesn’t mean throwing your hands in the air and shouting “no more COVID” and doing whatever you like with no consideration for the consequences. If people took more sensible precautions then maybe we could avoid a future lockdown.

Just because e.g. the government say that we can go to nightclubs or mix unrestricted doesn’t mean it has become mandatory. But people here feel they should live in a nanny state where the government has to control their every move. So if the government opens nightclubs they apparently have to rush out to one.

OP I do know how you feel but all you can do is tell him how you feel. If he does catch COVID it’s unlikely that you’ll know where he caught it unless someone he’s been in contact with catches it first and tells him.

My DP is currently self isolating because one of his housemates caught COVID after going to a Sikh wedding which went on for days and where a huge amount of people came down with COVID. He’s currently waiting for a Prc test.

However, even after the self isolation rules for the double jabbed are lifted, if he catches it he won’t be coming near me for two weeks as I am vulnerable and double jabbed or not, I still don’t want to catch it, even mildly.

IMO it’s likely that most of us are going to catch it at some point, but I think that we can still all take precautions to avoid doing so where possible.

Original poster
Santastealer · 30/07/2021 09:00

@DrinkFeckArseBrick thank you! Someone who can see that it’s about minimising non essential risk!

OP posts:
Persephonesgrove · 30/07/2021 09:00

making their own decisions.

“Learning to live with it” is exactly this. It’s making your own sensible decisions to minimise your risk. It’s not going out and doing everything possible just because you legally can

But he is making his own decision. That's my point. Who said doing everything possible?

It appears learning to live with it, in your family, is you making the decisions.

Lunariagal · 30/07/2021 09:01

I usually attend a club night event which, pre covid is held every couple of months.

The first one is scheduled for next month, exactly a week before our holiday.

I know what this event is like. We're all packed in like sardines. No issue with this this pre covid, but there's no way I would do it a week before my holiday. I dont know what they could do to mitigate the situation either, other than significantly reduce numbers.

I dont think you are being unreasonable.

Original poster
Santastealer · 30/07/2021 09:01

@lughnasadh

If it's a UK holiday, just don't test. Don't use the app.

The night out is no more risky than the actual holiday, or working, or shopping.

Why look for problems?

We are going away with family. No chance I’m being irresponsible and taking covid with us to pass on to them.
OP posts:
LuaDipa · 30/07/2021 09:02

I don’t think he should go. And I definitely don’t agree that going to work or meeting friends in a park outdoors constitutes the same level of risk as going to a packed pub filled with drunk people. It just isn’t the same.

We have recently been abroad and the only concern I had was that one of us may catch Covid before we went. Not because of the money - we had insurance but wouldn’t have booked if we couldn’t afford the loss - but because we all so desperately needed the break. Yanbu op. He can go out as much as he likes when you get back.

INeedNewShoes · 30/07/2021 09:04

Yanbu. Everyone I know has been trying to reduce their chances of being instructed to isolated ahead of going on holiday.

Even aside from holidays, most people I know are still choosing to socialise mostly outside or in restaurants where there’s some sort of spacing rather than in pubs/clubs where you’re going to come into close contact with others.

pigglepot · 30/07/2021 09:09

I'm in the same position- we are going on holiday next weekend. We are similarly limiting our contact although carrying on a bit as usual. I'm going for lunch with friends on Saturday for example but we will be sitting outside and ive already warned everyone I'm not doing hugs!

I don't think you're being unreasonable in the slightest. I'm surprised he is being so selfish by expecting to go on a "normal" night out given the risks. If he desperately wants to go then ask him to go only for a few hours before things get rowdy and make sure he sits outside only perhaps?

NotYourNachos · 30/07/2021 09:12

You sound like hard work

Perhaps he’d rather catch covid than go on holiday with you?

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