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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn’t ok?

93 replies

Babyfairy0923 · 30/07/2021 06:51

My MIL took my 3 children out for the day & my daughter has just told me that she left them in the car while she went in the shop for a few groceries.
Apparently she told them not to talk to anyone.
They would have been out of sight.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Fairfeather · 30/07/2021 06:52

How old are your kids and how long were they left for?

TooBigForMyBoots · 30/07/2021 06:54

Probably.

Sparklingbrook · 30/07/2021 06:54

Depends on the age of the children.

Hollyhead · 30/07/2021 06:54

Depends on how old, how long and if it was hot and sunny. I’ve been leaving my oldest DS in the car since about 8 for 10-15 mins because he’s rather sit and read.

girlmom21 · 30/07/2021 06:55

Depends on their age and length of time.

Sirzy · 30/07/2021 06:55

If they are all toddlers yes it’s wrong. If they are teens it’s fine! Age is key here

Original poster
Babyfairy0923 · 30/07/2021 06:56

8, 6 and 3

OP posts:
JustATypo · 30/07/2021 06:56

How old? If they were all about 6 and under, no. If 6, 8 and 10 it’s no big deal, many kids would walk as a sibling group to school alone at those ages.

SuddenArborealStop · 30/07/2021 06:57

I'd be fine with that 8 is old enough to raise an alert and watch two buckled in kids

TheQueef · 30/07/2021 06:58

How long? Nipped in to coop or monthly Costco?

Sparklingbrook · 30/07/2021 06:59

So we have the ages of the DC , how long was she in the shop. (Bearing in mind you would only have a child’s estimate of this.)

Fairfeather · 30/07/2021 06:59

@Babyfairy0923

8, 6 and 3
...and how long were they left?

If 10ish mins I don't see a problem. But if you do, then just tell your MIL not to do that again.

MistyFrequencies · 30/07/2021 07:00

I would be ok with 8 and 6 but not the 3 year old. I wouldn't want the 8 or 6 year old to feel responsible if something happened to the 3 year old. And my 3 year old can unbuckle himself and open doors, so it's not outside the realms of possibility that he would escape the car.

Original poster
Babyfairy0923 · 30/07/2021 07:01

They said 5-10 minutes. She had a small list & apparently there was a queue. Thanks everyone, it’s good to get other’s opinions. Maybe it’s just because it’s something I don’t do myself.

OP posts:
OldTinHat · 30/07/2021 07:01

YABU

Original poster
Babyfairy0923 · 30/07/2021 07:02

@MistyFrequencies

I would be ok with 8 and 6 but not the 3 year old. I wouldn't want the 8 or 6 year old to feel responsible if something happened to the 3 year old. And my 3 year old can unbuckle himself and open doors, so it's not outside the realms of possibility that he would escape the car.
My 3 year old can also unbuckle himself.
OP posts:
girlmom21 · 30/07/2021 07:02

I don't think it's a massive issue but if you're uncomfortable with it ask MIL not to do it again.

Sparklingbrook · 30/07/2021 07:03

I think 5-10 minutes is ok. Does the car have child locks on the rear doors?

TheQueef · 30/07/2021 07:04

10 minutes is ok.
Perhaps not advisable and not recommended but it isn't reckless.

Mention (gently) to MiL that you don't like it/ trust them alone and give it chance to filter in.

Fairfeather · 30/07/2021 07:06

@Babyfairy0923

They said 5-10 minutes. She had a small list & apparently there was a queue. Thanks everyone, it’s good to get other’s opinions. Maybe it’s just because it’s something I don’t do myself.
It really wouldn't be a big deal to me, it just wouldn't be on my radar to be bothered about, but understand your pov if it's something you wouldn't do. Neither of you are unreasonable really.

Do you have other issues with MIL that are perhaps putting a negative spin on it?

Hothammock · 30/07/2021 07:06

I think you are being unreasonable. You can't monitor every single move when other people are looking after your children. Perhaps the 3 year old was having a nap, or she felt it wasn't safe in the shop due the covid or she couldn't manage carrying the groceries and arguing with your 8 year over sweets and chocolate etc.
If generally she makes good judgements I wouldn't get in a sweat about this.
If it's too much for her to take all 3 on a day out then that's something to agree between you and it's for you to manage the disappointment of whichever child is left behind with you.
Neither my parent or Inlaws have ever taken my kids out for the day. Be more grateful.

grey12 · 30/07/2021 07:07

With the 3 year old I wouldn't like it. The other kids aren't old enough to take care of a toddler barely child.

I have left my smaller kids in the car to pick up a prescription in the pharmacy but the car was parked outside the glass window and I was by the door all the time. (Too much hassle to unclip 3 kids)

BigPyjamas · 30/07/2021 07:09

I leave mine in the car sometimes if I'm popping in to get milk and bread, or post something. They often ask to be left and if take them in if they didn't want to stay in the car.

I've done it since the youngest was around 3.

So I wouldn't think this was a big deal.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 30/07/2021 07:11

YANBU. I wouldn't leave my 8 year old on his own.

Camomila · 30/07/2021 07:17

I wouldn't like that, I'd be ok with the 8 and 6 year old but it's not fair to leave them 'in charge' of the 3 year old.

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