Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn’t ok?

93 replies

Babyfairy0923 · 30/07/2021 06:51

My MIL took my 3 children out for the day & my daughter has just told me that she left them in the car while she went in the shop for a few groceries.
Apparently she told them not to talk to anyone.
They would have been out of sight.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ohthatbloodycat · 01/08/2021 08:59

I don't think you can take the kids' word for it on how long she took!
It was more likely two minutes.

Original poster
Babyfairy0923 · 03/08/2021 20:51

@Rumplestrumpet

There's no way I'd be happy about the kids being left and out of sight for more than a few moments, so I'm with you there OP.

However, you said on an earlier post that you'd get DH to talk to her about it - is there a reason you didn't wait and said it yourself ? Given your previous experience with this I would say you're much better leaving these difficult conversations to your husband in future.

Sit down with your husband and calmly explain why you feel let down by the way he approached it. He's in a tough position but needs to show solidarity with you, it's the best way to get her to understand and respect your decisions.

It was playing on my mind so much & my husband was hesitant 🙄 I also decided that actually I am the children’s mother & I have a right to say what I’m not happy with. I need to be able to have conversations about the care of my children with whoever is looking after them.
OP posts:
Original poster
Babyfairy0923 · 03/08/2021 20:52

@ohthatbloodycat

I don't think you can take the kids' word for it on how long she took! It was more likely two minutes.
Hmm I’m not so sure.

She bought quite a few bits & then told them she had to wait a long time in the queue.

OP posts:
Original poster
Babyfairy0923 · 03/08/2021 21:00

Thank you everyone.

I have had a big talk with my husband & he said he fully understands my point of view.

I got quite emotional as I’ve had to put up with her behaviour for 12 years now - it got much worse after the children were born, she sulks every time we say it’s not convenient to see them, cries if we disagree with the slightest thing etc, she sees me as the enemy & I am constantly walking on eggshells although things had got so much better the last couple of years as I knew how to handle her.

My husband is going to speak with her & explain that sometimes I will need to talk to her about issues with the children as I’m their mother & I have a right to say if I’m not happy about something.

OP posts:
JackieQueen · 03/08/2021 21:28

Hope it works out for you op Flowers

Original poster
Babyfairy0923 · 04/08/2021 20:21

A quick update.

A postcard hand delivered through the door today from mil addressed to the children telling them how much she loves them and she can’t wait to take them out again soon.

Meanwhile I haven’t heard anything back from her.

OP posts:
BeaBeaBuzz · 04/08/2021 20:36

That postcard is so manipulative! Hope you intercepted and binned it

JackieQueen · 04/08/2021 20:48

Phew! She really is something isn't she! Angry

Original poster
Babyfairy0923 · 04/08/2021 21:17

I just feel so angry.

I wanted to bin it but I would just look awful if anyone found out.

I’m at a loss of what to do.
My husband said oh you know what she’s like 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
JackieQueen · 04/08/2021 21:23

You wouldn't look awful at all. It's very manipulative, I'm amazed your husband is so laid back about it. I'd be fuming if one of my parents had done this. I would tear it up and not let her drag your children into her silly games.

Original poster
Babyfairy0923 · 04/08/2021 21:34

This is why I’m feeling so upset with my husband. This isn’t normal behaviour and he should have my back ☹️

OP posts:
BeaBeaBuzz · 04/08/2021 21:59

He really, really should. I’d be very tempted to reduce contact for a while or let your DH facilitate it all. She has no respect for you.

Bagforlifeandthelifeafter · 04/08/2021 22:25

I wouldn’t leave a 3 year old with a 6 and 8 year old. It’s a lot of responsibility for the older child. I actually wouldn’t leave the 8 year old. Maybe I’m too protective looking at the comments. Each to their own though - I know my kids would have freaked out at that age.

Bagforlifeandthelifeafter · 04/08/2021 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Babyiskickingmyribs · 04/08/2021 22:42

She’s reacting like a toddler. What happens if you ignore the waterworks and drama completely? It’s totally irrelevant that you told her that you’re not comfortable with the kids being left unsupervised in the car rather than your husband. The message would have been the same. So she’s got the message now, and as long as she respects your (totally reasonable) request the issue is solved. If she doesn’t respect your wishes about child safety stuff then meetings with your kids will have to be supervised. I wouldn’t tell her if you need to do this, just start suggesting and accepting only outings and visits with your husband or yourself (or both) present.

Original poster
Babyfairy0923 · 05/08/2021 08:23

Yes, this is how she always reacts sadly.

It’s difficult to live with but I have learned how, hence why we usually get along but when it comes to my children I will say what I need to say.

My husband is going to chat with her & i’m going to take some time out from contact as it’s really got me down this time.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 05/08/2021 08:26

Unfair to leave the 8 year old to effectively watch over the others. Just ask her not to do it again.

JackieQueen · 05/08/2021 08:43
Flowers
New posts on this thread. Refresh page