to ask what is so special about blond hair

[pocpocpoc]

My husband is white and English, I am not white and foreign. I have dark hair and my genetics pretty much guarantee that my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren are almost 100% likely to have dark hair too.

DH's brother is married to a white English woman and their daughter is the same age as DD. She is taller than DD and has blond hair. Both are nice young ladies, reasonably attractive, but in different ways.

Something that bothered me for a long time, but I could only put a finger on recently, is how MIL (and others in the family) talk about DD's cousin's blond hair and height, almost as a counter-point to anything DD does that is of mention. For instance: "Well done for getting 12 A* GCSEs (saving a child from fire, winning Olympics, getting a Nobel prize), so proud of you being so academic/brave/athletic/hard-working and also of your cousin, who is a tall blond". I find it strange that DD is typically praised for something she has done and worked hard for, while her cousin is praised only for her looks.

Where it is getting ridiculous is that I noticed DH's sister doing the same thing, this time with our boys. Not long ago she said to me "aren't you lucky that your son has such a good friend to play with, with his beautiful head of blond hair" - the sentence really didn't make sense to me. Thinking back I realised that the blond hair has been brought up every time we met in the last couple of years.

In my culture we don't attribute any special value to blond hair. It is very rare, usually means that the blond person is of another ethnicity. Some people get their hair bleached, but it does not confer any superiority or praise. So help me to understand: what is so special about blond hair? AIBU to be bothered? AIBU to detect a hint of racism?

My kids have golden brown hair and hazel and turquoise eyes which are more unusual looking than brown or blue eyes and they get more fuss than the blonde kids. They qre also olive skinned which gets a lot of compliments. In a different scenario your DD would be the one to stand out. I think it's a MIL thing where she wants them to look like her. Mine is always going on about how they look like her and her family members.
Statistically blue eyes are the most common colour here now.
From observation, if a child is stunning ot gets picked up regardless of colouring, it is just a "thing" blond hair blue eyes in children where they will inevitably grow out of being blonde and people cling to is as you only see that white blond in children

I think their reaction is odd. IME, men prefer (glossy) brunettes/auburn hair and I prefer those hair colours on men.

I find white blonde children a bit creepy and I don’t know why.

My biracial boy came out with very blond, corkscrew curls and blue eyes. No-one thought I was his mother.

To be honest, I sort of understood the fascination with his bright blond hair as it was so unusual, but still found it weird and vaguely creepy.

He’s a hairy 14 yr old teenager now, still blond in parts and still with his striking blue eyes and curls. He really dislikes how noticeable he is, but he’s pretty much hit the genetic lottery so he’s had to get used to strangers openly staring at him.

@Comedycook

It baffles me too. As a child in the 1980s I remember being made to feel vastly inferior next to the blonde girls in my class. The teachers and parents would fawn all over them and they'd get special treatment. Vomit!

Oh god yes! Totally the same experience. Plus all the blonde girls got to do things like be the angels in the Christmas nativity. I was a chubby, brunette Inn Keeper

I think it’s a hair thing in general. My dd is not blonde but has amazing hair and about as much as the average adult by around 6/7. She was cooed over a lot as a small child for her hair - thick, undulating curls all the way down her back before she was 3, which is a rarity. Due to this, she was often presumed to be a lot older.

@Novelusername

If it's any consolation, I have naturally blonde hair and as a child it was really light. It's all anyone ever commented on and not being a 'girly girl' anyway I absolutely hated it. I think it made me become a feminist from a young age, because I felt so objectified, I wished people would ask me about what books I was reading rather than going on about my physical appearance, being shy anyway it made me feel even more self-conscious. I also have a hard time from men in general, street harassment etc, and it's worse when trying to travel abroad. I've tried dying it, but it doesn't really suit me other colours because of my skin tone. I've also always hated how the mean, bitchy dumb girls in every teen movie have blonde hair - don't know how they get away with it, actually, and it's not like it reflects real life, bitchy females come in all different colourings. People can just be really funny about blonde hair, going on about whether it's 'real' or not. They ask me if I dye it, and then don't believe me when I say I don't , as though if I did that would make me some sort of a slag/bimbo etc. You get this kind of attitude from women as well as men. It would be nice if someone took your relatives aside and told them that they aren't doing the granddaughter whose looks they're gushing about any favours.

I get you. I am sorry for your experience. Nobody deserves to be objectified. I wouldn't wish this on DD. Sadly, she is not immune to objectification and harassment either. Certain races get objectified in a different way and, unfortunately, she had to experience some of it at a very young age. It is sometimes so hard just to be a woman.

It’s completely racist and reeks of white supremacy!

Lots of blonde and fair hair woth blue eyes iny family, when my babies came out dark i was desperate for it to stay but they're getting fair (more mousey than blonde and weirdly ginger in the sun) whilst DS, 6, is still v blonde. Everyone comments on their blue eyes, but they came from DH

Yes @Foreverbaffled I was also a chubby brunette...I had to be the narrator

@Comedycook

Yes *@Foreverbaffled* I was also a chubby brunette...I had to be the narrator

Ahh.. bet you were bloody great!

Thanks ..

How bizarre of your in laws to comment on your dn's hair and height. Sounds a bit obsessive and horribly objectifying, your poor niece. Slight stealth boast there OP but well done to your dd on the those amazing GCSEs. Being academic is much more enviable than being blonde and tall. You lucked out.

Lovely brown hair like the Duchess of Cambridge is enviable. I'm not really into blonde, red or jet black hair. I'd never comment on it though.

I am very blonde and hated it as a child as was teased a lot at school and I felt like there was something deeply wrong and abnormal with me. I still flinch inwardly when people mention my hair colour. Also I'd prefer to be dark anyway. Would love to have the ability to take a nice tan instead of freckle.

I have just seen your update. I am sorry being around people, who show a preference to blondes, especially your mil has made you feel this way. Is there anything you can do so your dcs don’t also feel this way too? Have you tried to confront your mil?

I live in a predominantly white area but it is still pretty multicultural. It has never occurred to me people would be made to feel or feel this way.

Hmm. I married a very blonde, blue eyed northerner. I am naturally mousey brown, brown eyed and tan easily. I have Germanic/Eastern European antecedents and have that build. My father's mother was Spanish/Portuguese and I have some of that colouring without dark hair.

My children are blonde, blue eyed and teutonically built. When DS was 7 he broke his arm badly and we had to go to the consultant orthopaedic surgeon.

As we entered he beamed and said "I see I am welcoming the Arian Master Race."

My father was Jewish. Go figure how cross that made me.

But I always liked rather foppish, blonde men This lady preferred blondes!

Oh, should say that dd is blonde and has an Oxbridge first and being blonde hasn't held her back or made her less feisty.

I think that there are many forms of beauty, and colouring is a feature which really stands out. At school, I had a friend who had mixed heritage: she had very light blue eyes and darker skin and hair. Her great grandmother had been German and she had inherited her eye colour, she told me. People often commented on her striking appearance, or wanted to take photos of her.

However, there are other types of beauty, such as elegance, a softness, a healthy glow. They may make their impression felt less immediately, but have an enduring appeal, for those who take an interest in superficial physical looks.

If I were talking to kids who felt overlooked for a certain type of hair, I'd reassure them that attracts notice instantly, isn't more attractive per se.

Luckily, whether grandparents admire our colouring has very little impact on anything.

@RosesAndHellebores

Hmm. I married a very blonde, blue eyed northerner. I am naturally mousey brown, brown eyed and tan easily. I have Germanic/Eastern European antecedents and have that build. My father's mother was Spanish/Portuguese and I have some of that colouring without dark hair.

My children are blonde, blue eyed and teutonically built. When DS was 7 he broke his arm badly and we had to go to the consultant orthopaedic surgeon.

As we entered he beamed and said "I see I am welcoming the Arian Master Race."

My father was Jewish. Go figure how cross that made me.

But I always liked rather foppish, blonde men This lady preferred blondes!

When was that? Completely unacceptable comment. Really unacceptable.

@RosesAndHellebores

Oh, should say that dd is blonde and has an Oxbridge first and being blonde hasn't held her back or made her less feisty.

And well done to her! I hope she was praised for her exceptional achievements rather than her hair!

YaNBU I have four children. One is blonde. When this child was born I knew straight away they would look different to the others (all dark) and said to a friend I thought they would be blonde with blue eyes. She laughed and said I would be lucky. I was a bit surprised because it was a statement not a desire, but she genuinely felt/feels blonde and blue eyes is superior. Actually in her eyes I was lucky as child is blue eyed and blonde but it means nothing to me, in fact I would rather they had looked like the others for photo symmetry 😁

To be honest I have never really come across it! My ex and my Fiance have a preference for brunettes as do many men I have known.

It's crackers OP. And I say that as a dark-haired mum of 3 blondes. You will notice that in school nativity plays, it is a requirement to have blonde hair and blue eyes to play Mary in the Nativity.

Because Mary of Nazareth was blonde and blue-eyed of course.

Yeah I also don't get this, especially in the UK where half the kids are blond. I was raised abroad where blonde hair is less common, me and brother have dark hair and my sister was blond as a child. She thinks everyone adored her and thought that she was beautiful because of her blond hair (I don't remember this but it's possible) and still talks about it almost every time I see her, which I think is bizzare. Especially as she's not even blonde anymore! My DS is blond and she keeps saying how I should take him back home because everyone will fawn over his blonde hair.

Where I live now blonde hair is very common, never had a comment about DS's hair. My friend has strangers comment on her daughter's beautiful dark curly hair every time I'm out with her, though.

@Mummyoflittledragon

I have just seen your update. I am sorry being around people, who show a preference to blondes, especially your mil has made you feel this way. Is there anything you can do so your dcs don’t also feel this way too? Have you tried to confront your mil?

I live in a predominantly white area but it is still pretty multicultural. It has never occurred to me people would be made to feel or feel this way.

I may confront her, but she is quite old, so I will most likely leave it. I will confront SIL though as I can't allow her to talk like that around DS.

We have had a conversation with DD and DS. They know that DH finds me very attractive. And that he likes my thick black hair. We do teach them that Western standards of beauty are not the only ones.