to ask what is so special about blond hair

[pocpocpoc]

My husband is white and English, I am not white and foreign. I have dark hair and my genetics pretty much guarantee that my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren are almost 100% likely to have dark hair too.

DH's brother is married to a white English woman and their daughter is the same age as DD. She is taller than DD and has blond hair. Both are nice young ladies, reasonably attractive, but in different ways.

Something that bothered me for a long time, but I could only put a finger on recently, is how MIL (and others in the family) talk about DD's cousin's blond hair and height, almost as a counter-point to anything DD does that is of mention. For instance: "Well done for getting 12 A* GCSEs (saving a child from fire, winning Olympics, getting a Nobel prize), so proud of you being so academic/brave/athletic/hard-working and also of your cousin, who is a tall blond". I find it strange that DD is typically praised for something she has done and worked hard for, while her cousin is praised only for her looks.

Where it is getting ridiculous is that I noticed DH's sister doing the same thing, this time with our boys. Not long ago she said to me "aren't you lucky that your son has such a good friend to play with, with his beautiful head of blond hair" - the sentence really didn't make sense to me. Thinking back I realised that the blond hair has been brought up every time we met in the last couple of years.

In my culture we don't attribute any special value to blond hair. It is very rare, usually means that the blond person is of another ethnicity. Some people get their hair bleached, but it does not confer any superiority or praise. So help me to understand: what is so special about blond hair? AIBU to be bothered? AIBU to detect a hint of racism?

I have two daughters. When they were younger they both had long waist-length hair. One was (and still is) blonde and one was a brunette, with beautiful chestnutty highlights.

It always saddened me that even as children the blonde one used to attract far more compliments than her sister.

It's a sexist categorising of women that we should try to get away from. Women are referred to as 'blondes', 'brunettes' or 'redheads' and these are categories men have decided code meanings about our characters. You'd never refer to a man as 'a blonde', and surmise from that he's a bit stupid and frivolous, and it's only when you do is it apparent how ridiculously objectifying it is. Unfortunately, a lot of women are either happy to go along with this, or have just blindly accepted it. There's a social media personality who was interviewing her sister who's recently dyed her hair blonde, and she was making lots of comments asking how her personality has changed now she's 'a blonde' . Jack White famously has three versions of the same guitar in different types of wood, with engravings of different actresses on the back, one blonde, one redhead, one brunette. Can you imagine a woman doing that? She'd be ridiculed for being superficial about men's looks. I'm sure most women couldn't care less that I have blonde hair, but some act funny with me about it. I they were the ones who were probably made to feel inferior for not being blonde when they were younger. None of this does any women any good. My ex was always going on about how he normally preferred dark women, so would make me feel inferior, then left me for a dark woman. Male or female, best to give these superficial types a swerve, whatever their preference.

Oh my youngest has beautiful light blonde hair and it is always commented on! It's constant whenever we go anywhere, probs cos my husband is dark, I'm ginger and eldest is dark haired too!

Always get asked "where does he get it from?" as if we couldn't have possibly created a blonde child!

It's one of those things I see as being quite old fashioned. My grandmother used to be obsessed with my curly hair (I'm not blonde) and my dm and mil comment on my children's hair/eye colour each claiming credit from 'their side of thr family', I actually find it all quite tedious a bit like people that can't shut up about the weather. I mean who cares what colour hair/eyes you have, they need to get a hobby!

Your MIL does sound like an absolute idiot. Her preference isn’t the issue, IMO, it’s the fact she’s making a fuss over one child’s appearance, as if that’s her gold standard for perceived attractiveness. It’s obviously not everyone’s.

Having a preference of coloured hair initself isn’t a problem - hell, the majority of women colour their hair so they certainly have a preference, so should that not be allowed?

I don’t like the way she’s acting but in general I don’t think it’s racist at all to have a preference

You've told us that back home in your country, your hair is considered beautiful and blondes are considered meh.

Is your country racist?

I have 2 DDs, they look very alike just in different shades of hair colour. I have a platinum blond child with waist length, silky hair and a red head with long, thick, shiny hair - people comment constantly on both of them, telling them that they have gorgeous hair and telling me what beautiful children i have. I wish they wouldn’t. I am raising my girls to value themselves for their uniqueness, not how they look and a received view of beauty. I can also say not all blond hair darkens with age, mine is still very light and ashy (and heading for grey )

I was always envious of blonde hair when I was growing up. I imagined children with blonde hair were more confident and just ... better. I had black hair, pale skin and dark blue eyes, which was commented on all the time. But it didn't feel positive, more that I was a curiosity. DS1 looks similar to me and draws a lot of positive comments. I wonder if that's because he's a boy. I wish people would keep their opinions to themselves though. I suppose it's just something to say a lot of the time.

Only last night DM and I were looking at photos of DD first and last days of school. DM commented on how beautiful her blonde hair was and how much darker it has grown.

DD was in the room at the time and replied saying she was sad it had gone darker. Years of being told how lovely her blonde hair was I guess.

I love ginger hair personally

Yes, red hair is gorgeous! The way it immediately stands out and there are so many different tones (from the darker, to the more fiery, to the strawberry blonde). It's beautiful

Mousy hair in men looks great also

@Ritascornershop

A friend of mine and his wife were divorcing and he told us that her relatives were amazed. I said “well, no-one really knows what goes on in a marriage”, and he said “no, it’s not that, it’s because of her long blonde hair.”

I beg your pardon?!

He said that they all thought (him included) that if you had blonde hair your life was blessed because you had the best of all possible hairs. Even he was surprised they were miserable, because as she was blonde, how could he not adore her?

I’m dark haired, pale skinned. I was both baffled & mildly insulted.

I don’t get the fixation either.

That must be one of the most superficial things I have ever heard!

My mother and I have dark hair in a family full of blondes. My daughters are blonde and I totally agree OP, the fuss made over their hair is 1.ridiculous 2. a bit creepy 3.yes I think almost racist. One random stranger congratulated me on my 'ariyan' children. Chilling. They both dyed their hair dark brown for a few teenage years. My blonde grandmother was distraught. Ffs...

I love red hair too. Mine started out blonde but quickly darkened to chestnut, which I wish it had stayed at as it was beautiful. Then continued to darken until I was a brunette at 21. When I started to go grey I experimented with blonde and highlights but it really didn’t suit my skin tone. I have fair cool skin with pinky undertones - typical Celt really.

One random stranger congratulated me on my 'ariyan' children.

Bloody hell. Bloody bloody hell.

@sashh

If blonde hair is so popular because it's so rare, why dosent the same apply to red heads which IMO are much more striking and unusual

Antisemitism.

In the UK / Ireland we are quite used to seeing redheads but in most of the world red heads are typically Jewish.

This is total rubbish !

Scotland and Ireland have the highest percentage of redheads 13% . It was actually antisemitism that spread the myth that Jewish people were redheads as they were workers of the Devil . Please don't spread such myths .

forward.com/culture/434304/on-national-redhead-day-explore-the-history-of-ginger-jews/

Redheads arent teased so much for the redness of their hair I dont think, I reckon it's more about the paleness, which is a kind of racism I guess.

It was actually antisemitism that spread the myth that Jewish people were redheads as they were workers of the Devil . Please don't spread such myths .

Er I think that's what I said.

I wouldn't worry too much OP. Whenever theres a characteristic that is seen as desirable, particularly by men, theres a stampede to demonstrate why it's actually a bit rubbish. It's common, its creepy (?!) it's fake, men prefer other colours, we just don't get it..etc etc. I'm sure this is an effective counter balance should anyone with blonde hair start to feel too positive about themselves.

@sashh

It was actually antisemitism that spread the myth that Jewish people were redheads as they were workers of the Devil . Please don't spread such myths .

Er I think that's what I said.

No, you said that “redheads ARE typically Jewish”. What @MrsMaizel said is that this is a false myth spread by anti semites.

TheWashingMachine

When I was a child some friends of ours went to China (1980s) they travelled somewhere rural and apparently people came up in the street and pulled out stands of their hair because they were fascinated because they had never seen it before. Apparently they got quite upset“

First time in Japan over 30 years ago I was stopped in the street by complete strangers on more than one occasion and photographed! Blonde and a good head taller than everyone else I guess I did stand out a bit

I was with a friend, her blond son and my kids at an event once. Bit random, some English kids and hundreds of Chinese teenagers. All the Chinese kids were trying to touch my friends kid's hair and were giving him presents. He basically ran away in the end.

@sashh

It was actually antisemitism that spread the myth that Jewish people were redheads as they were workers of the Devil . Please don't spread such myths .

Er I think that's what I said.

NO you said In the UK / Ireland we are quite used to seeing redheads but in most of the world red heads are typically Jewish

The % in the Jewish population is no higher than in any other community except Scots and Irish.

@5128gap

I wouldn't worry too much OP. Whenever theres a characteristic that is seen as desirable, particularly by men, theres a stampede to demonstrate why it's actually a bit rubbish. It's common, its creepy (?!) it's fake, men prefer other colours, we just don't get it..etc etc. I'm sure this is an effective counter balance should anyone with blonde hair start to feel too positive about themselves.

I'm certainly not trying to make anyone feel bad about having blonde hair, but I'd rather we concentrate on any woman's character and not define women's abilities, morals etc according to a sexist lens of unrelated genetic factors that are out of her control.

A very scientific study that I did indicated that eligible bachelors marry brunettes. This is based on George Clooney, Prince William, Prince Harry and me.
I know one true blond and she is divorced.
So I think we can safely say blonds can not comit to anything and one if our daughters is red and is is as bright as a button. So we can safely say red heads are the mist intelligent, brunettes the most attractive and blonds are a risky unreliable propersition.
Hope this helps.