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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - Mornings with toddler and newborn

99 replies

GirlsGirlsEverywhere · 29/07/2021 09:12

I have an almost 4 yr old DD and 2nd DD is due next month by c-section.
I walk DD to nursery, takes about 50 mins round trip. DD in a buggy usually as she’s so tired after, plus on the way there we don’t have time for dawdling if she’s on foot.

We have a car but DH takes it to work. He Can cycle but prefers to drive, and refuses to cycle in bad weather. He leaves early so not much help with morning routine for DD.

What I’m struggling to imagine is getting a newborn and toddler ready to leave the house by 8am, then doing a 50 min round trip walk to get DD4 to nursery. I can’t imagine doing that walk in whatever winter weather comes up, rain, snow, extreme cold. I will get a buggy board for the pram but it sounds hard work, and this would start two weeks after c section when DH goes back to work.

AIBU?
Yes - you’re lazy and this is what everyone does
No - time to think about a second car or second husband 😉

OP posts:

Katiebee008 · 29/07/2021 09:15

YANBU, your husband needs to let you have the car for at least the first couple of months whilst you get used to it.

Garman · 29/07/2021 09:17

You won't be able to do that walk daily/consistently from 2 weeks after csection without a lot of pain.

Bonnie90x · 29/07/2021 09:17

Could you manage to hold off on her return to nursery to give you a bit more time to recover and feel stronger to do the trip? I don't drive and remember the long walk to nursery on the cold rainy mornings and I hated it so I feel you. We've since moved to a very rural location and have had another DC so I'm stuck at home with the toddler and the newborn. Fun times. YANBU. xx

Datingandnoideahowto · 29/07/2021 09:17

For the longer term I would get a good double buggy rather than a buggy board because a buggy board wrecked my back.

First few weeks you need to have the car or see if DH can at least drop off.

Cocomade · 29/07/2021 09:17

YANBU
You need to have the car some days or yes even better a second car!

Giving you won't be able to drive for first 6 weeks do you have any family around to take DD1 for you until you settle with new baby?

Bonnie90x · 29/07/2021 09:18

And yes to the car!!

Ohpulltheotherone · 29/07/2021 09:18

You can do it with a double buggy although at 4 you won’t get much use out of it for long so might be a better idea to get a buggy board or go second hand.

I have a double and it’s been great, dont use it as much now as DC1 is at that age where walking isn’t an issue but on longer walks it’s handy.

Or you can try a sling but not during newborn stage really, once baby is a little bigger it’s a good option for those first few months before they get heavier.

I know lots of friends who have walked the nursery and school runs and they cope, it’s doable but personally no fucking way. I’d get a car.

We walk a lot in our family time, we have dogs, we’re always outside and we both work full time and have a lot on so I absolutely refuse to feel guilty that I use my car to take my kids 10 mins up the road to nursery.

In the summer sure it could be nice but in the poor weather or winter months? No it’s not nice, it’s painful. Get a second car or agree that DH won’t be leaving quite as early so that he can do the nursery run on his way to work.

This isn’t your issue to resolve alone and the answer can’t just be “sorry you’ll have to get on with it” - the kids have two parents so you need to find a solution between you.

SeeYouInFive · 29/07/2021 09:22

Don’t fuck around with a c section scar. One of my friends opened her scar back up from walking too much too early. It’s summer, the weather is not that bad, your husband will have to cycle for the next 6 weeks until you’re fully healed and can push a buggy + buggy board.

If he moans about it, tell him to go and have major abdominal surgery and then push two children in a buggy for 50 mins if that’s the option he’d prefer. Then tell him to fuck off.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 29/07/2021 09:22

Your husband would rather his children walk in poor weather than himself cycling? I think I'd pose that question to him directly so he actually thinks about it.
YANBU I couldn't walk that far after a c section, not even close

Deloresabernathy · 29/07/2021 09:24

@Garman

You won't be able to do that walk daily/consistently from 2 weeks after csection without a lot of pain.

This.

You need to get your DH to take an extra two weeks annual leave off. This is what I did post csection (with a two year old !).

Or can you get someone else to help with the nursery run?

234Pepperplant · 29/07/2021 09:25

In the longer term you can walk, just get decent waterproof and warm stuff. Though if you can get a second car I probably would, not just for the nursery run but if you want to go anywhere mid week.

But immediately post section you won’t be physically able to walk that far (and definitely not pushing a four year old and a baby), nor can you drive. So your DH is going to have to step up, DD misses nursery for a few weeks or you’re going to need a different plan.

Original poster

GirlsGirlsEverywhere · 29/07/2021 09:26

Thank you all, I genuinely wasn’t sure if was being a princess or not. Didn’t know about not being able to drive for 6 weeks after c section, yikes 😳
And recovery from c section, I’m guessing two weeks is not all it takes…

This is where mumsnet is very useful. I need mums who’ve lived this, not my DH who doesn’t know what it’s like and is worried about his own commute, nor unsympathetic MIL who seem to remember carrying multiple children up mountains in minus 20 whilst breastfeeding despite having only one son and living in Norfolk

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 29/07/2021 09:26

DH should take DC1 to nursery in the mornings, at least for the first month or so (while you're recovering from your c section) and preferably longer, assuming you'll be doing most of the night wakings with baby and will appreciate a lie in or at least a lazy morning.

If he wants to take the car to work, he can drive DC1 to nursery.

You could consider getting a second car or, depending on where you live, a cargo bike. I live in a city where bikes are everywhere and I'm getting a cargo bike, I don't want a second car and it will be perfect for all the journeys we do which take ages to walk but are too short to take the car (and cycling is actually quicker because of avoiding traffic).

FWIW my DH has done nearly all the nursery drop-offs in the morning since DC2 was born (she's 10 months old now!) and I do the pick-ups.

Sally872 · 29/07/2021 09:28

I had a very straight forward recovery from c section but a 50min walk with pram and toddler would be too much. Is there anyone who can help with nursery run for first 3-4 weeks after dh gets back to work? Or save some money for taxis.

Longer term yes second car if affordable if not dh has to look at cycling more. At least 50% of the time and more in the bad weather I would say.

MyMabel · 29/07/2021 09:29

You’re setting yourself up for prolonged bleeding, poor healing and infection if you’re doing that sort of strenuous walk every day 2 weeks after your section.

Waspsarearseholes · 29/07/2021 09:30

Does your husband give you a reason why you, after having had major surgery, a newborn and a toddler should walk all that way instead of him using his bike? I would really push him on this and get him to explain really clearly why he thinks this is fair. Don't let him off the hook with this. What a selfish man.

Ivyr0se · 29/07/2021 09:30

Check with your doctor but I wasnt àllowed to drive for 6 weeks after a c section.
Even then I waited because I felt I couldn't safely do the emergency stop.

Start allowing your 4 year old to walk. Even is she is slow she won't get any faster if you keep her in the pram.

NameChange30 · 29/07/2021 09:31

Just reading the comments... you really don't need a double buggy for a 4 year old! My 4 year old has been cycling to and from nursery on his bike since he was 3. I see lots of his classmates going on bikes or scooters (if not being taken in car on on bike by parents). Is that not an option? It makes it so much faster and he can usually manage it even when he's tired, because he enjoys it.

Onedaysomedaynowadays · 29/07/2021 09:32

I think the c section recovery time varies. I heard horror stories before I had mine but I felt back to normal v quickly and was back running 7 weeks later. That said I was v cautious in the first month, kept the wound really clean, didn't do any lifting etc. I appreciate all of that was easier because it was my first and my DH took the first 6 weeks off as parental leave so was around the whole time

NameChange30 · 29/07/2021 09:32

@Waspsarearseholes

Also this

MyMabel · 29/07/2021 09:33

I had a very straightforward recovery from my c-section however even at 2 weeks I was still very sore and even a wander around the house just drained me. I think I eventually went for a really short walk at about 4 week post surgery and when we got back I could feel my incision aching and bleeding was heavier for the rest of the day so I shouldn’t have done it really.

However that said, for weeks you just think the soreness will never end and you’ll be left hobbling in pain for the rest of your life.. then one morning you wake up and it’s like someone either given you a shot of forever lasting morphine. It’s just instantly better very quickly from a certain point.

jerometheturnipking · 29/07/2021 09:34

Longer term the walk will be ok, and probably a very good thing for you and the baby in the winter months when the weather isn't completely shocking because it forces you outside. But 2 weeks after a section - nah.

Your DH needs to start figuring out how he can get your DD to nursery for those first 4 weeks when he's back at work and you're recovering from major abdominal surgery.

EssentialHummus · 29/07/2021 09:38

Yeah, that fucker needs to get on his bike.

Sciurus83 · 29/07/2021 09:38

You really need to discuss c section recovery with your midwife. You can't drive for 6 weeks, you won't be able to do that walk after 2 weeks it will be very painful and you'll risk opening the wound. It is major abdominal surgery, all your core muscles are cut. I know a poster above said they were running at 7 weeks but that's really not usual. Your DH should be taking toddler to nursery in the car for at least the first 6 weeks. Read through your notes with him this evening there will be a bit on c section recovery, you both need to get a better idea of what you'll be dealing with.

R3ALLY · 29/07/2021 09:39

Your husband has to do the drop offs for the first while. His work will have to live with it. You are having major surgery. I wouldn't be too hung up on the 6 weeks driving thing - I drove before 6 weeks because I had to. I think it was around 3.5? As long as you are safe to do an emergency stop without hurting the scar you can drive. But tbh the 50 minute walk would be more difficult than the driving. Either way you shouldn't be up and out at two weeks for that length of time. I've had both types of birth and found the C section recovery much longer. Not wanting to alarm you at all! Just to say that you have to be minded. Would your DH push a buggy for 50 mins after having his appendix out?

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