'Unrefined' words / phrases

[brideyb]

I'm a little... rough around the edges

But I want to be seen as more sophisticated and grown up at work (prof services) and socially. I catch myself saying things that my colleagues never do and want to train myself out of it in order to progress and be seen as a shit together adult. My vocab seems to be stuck in my teenage years, I can't think of the words right now but I know I do it - things like ' cool' and ending a call with see yaaaa laterrrr'

Middleclass Mumsnet and senior professional woman - what phrases do I need to cut out?

@whistlers

My original point was about private education

But you seem to be confusing the privately educated, the ‘moneyed classes’ and the UC, and now you’re bringing in medics! The education on offer in the UK is a disgrace in that it’s part of the machine perpetuating the class system.

[quote brideyb]@MagicSummer I would NEVER announce I'm going for a wee / poo

I usually just say 'I'm off to leak my rat' [/quote]
😂

This is an interesting thread.

There is no black and white here.
As I have interpreted it, the OP has asked for advice on how she may come across as being more 'professional' in her professional role. I didn't see it as her wanting to reject her origins or values; simply, that she is curious as to how she could embrace new ways of speaking/communication and question her conditioned, current mode, in the context of her work.
This doesn't seem to me, to be a particular problem. We all learn by curiosity, whether it's by reading AIBU or scrutinising an academic article. We change, evolve, adapt.
Staying true to your core values hopefully of warmth, empathy and respect, however it is conveyed, should be always observed.
But it need not be mutually exclusive to trying new ways and applying appropriate communication skills/language.
Where it becomes a problem is when people try to adopt sentiments and language that appear to be at absolute odds with their core values; that's when people smell a rat and, in this situation, the word 'pretentious' and 'grandlioqience' can arise sometimes.
Basic values of decency, respect, democracy usually give rise to equal respect from colleagues. Balance, moderation and curiosity.
OP, you sound grand. No harm at all in adopting/modelling ways of communication you respect. We do this in behaviour, we learn and adapt. Challenging oneself is not necessarily bad.
The same could be said of challenging yourself to 'play down ' your language and affect. We need to adapt to our environment and for someone to demean others by using communication which is difficult to understand is as distasteful as one who is 'pretentious '.
Rigid thinking is behind most problems, I believe.
Good luck OP.
Change, learn, adapt, if that is what you want. But keep your values of decency, warmth, balance and tolerance. I can't think you'll go far wrong.

Speak slowly and take your time, people who do this always sound wiser and more in control than they probably are

someone said to me years ago that confident people speak slowly because they know people will listen to them (or assume they will) whereas the less confident speak quickly to get what they want to say out before people get bored and move on.

I think there's a lot of truth in that.

I catch myself doing this sometimes and cringe afterwards- some interesting tips

@DrDetriment

Don't ever use the term 'my bad '. Instantly marks someone down in my book as it's very 'street'.

Wow...

...anyone else's dog going mad all of a sudden?

...anyone else's dog going mad all of a sudden?

Is your dog doing some unrefined barking or something?

Volume is important. One of my children had a brief stint at private education and indoor voices were the thing and no "ums" or "ers". (It was brief because they thought their classmates tended to the ghastly and maths was taught badly.) Also say "absolutely" rather than "definitely".

Google how to pronounce "seague". It does not rhymne with "league".

I have found that as people get more senior they are more relaxed about talking about working class origins because they don't think it defines them as much. I'd be happy talking about it now but when I was younger I ruthlessly concealed it and modified my accent. When some chap asked me about the pony he assumed I had when growing up I thought maybe I'd gone a bit too far. I am now in my fifties though and the professions then were hard to break into for women and the right accent helped.

@stillcrazyafterall well really! What an exaggeration! You can say ‘ow be on? instead

Anyway. I say “my bad”, innit and all sorts of things this thread says I shouldn’t. It really really doesn’t matter - I’m a director in a massive professional services firm and just made the partner track. They care more about your work and the money you make than your vocabulary and accent.

If Eliza Doolittle billed 2000 hours a year no one would care what she sounded like.

I thought of another one.
Learn the difference between less abs fewer.
I don’t care about anyone’s accent but people who know this stand out for the right reasons

@therocinante
What’s wrong with your dog?

@Comtesse
Yes, I think confidence covers a multitude.
All the advice on here needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Oh, come on, it’s perfectly clear what @therocinante meant, surely!

@Oneearringlost

This is an interesting thread.

There is no black and white here.
As I have interpreted it, the OP has asked for advice on how she may come across as being more 'professional' in her professional role. I didn't see it as her wanting to reject her origins or values; simply, that she is curious as to how she could embrace new ways of speaking/communication and question her conditioned, current mode, in the context of her work.
This doesn't seem to me, to be a particular problem. We all learn by curiosity, whether it's by reading AIBU or scrutinising an academic article. We change, evolve, adapt.
Staying true to your core values hopefully of warmth, empathy and respect, however it is conveyed, should be always observed.
But it need not be mutually exclusive to trying new ways and applying appropriate communication skills/language.
Where it becomes a problem is when people try to adopt sentiments and language that appear to be at absolute odds with their core values; that's when people smell a rat and, in this situation, the word 'pretentious' and 'grandlioqience' can arise sometimes.
Basic values of decency, respect, democracy usually give rise to equal respect from colleagues. Balance, moderation and curiosity.
OP, you sound grand. No harm at all in adopting/modelling ways of communication you respect. We do this in behaviour, we learn and adapt. Challenging oneself is not necessarily bad.
The same could be said of challenging yourself to 'play down ' your language and affect. We need to adapt to our environment and for someone to demean others by using communication which is difficult to understand is as distasteful as one who is 'pretentious '.
Rigid thinking is behind most problems, I believe.
Good luck OP.
Change, learn, adapt, if that is what you want. But keep your values of decency, warmth, balance and tolerance. I can't think you'll go far wrong.

Very good post. The thread seems to have morphed into exactly the kind of thing I said upthread. A poster who has given no indication whatsoever that she doesn't use correct SPaG being told how to use "was" and "were" etc Things I have no doubt she knows already. And some of the outdated archaisms she's being told to use (how do you do etc) really would, as has been said, have people thinking she's Bridget Jones introducing Salman Rushdie at the publishing event.

@Snoopsnoggysnog

I thought of another one. Learn the difference between less abs fewer. I don’t care about anyone’s accent but people who know this stand out for the right reasons

How do you know the OP doesn't know the difference? Did you know the less/fewer thing is less clearcut than non -countable/ countable? Very long and interesting thread in Pedants' a few years ago on why "5 items or less" isn't wrong.

@AnotherMarvellousThing

Oh, come on, it’s perfectly clear what *@therocinante* meant, surely!

No, honestly. I’m thick. What does she mean?

@Geamhradh yes I do

I never said the OP didn’t know the difference. I was just posting something that occurred to me.

@EsoNoSeHace, she’s talking about dog-whistle racism, in response to a post that said not to say ‘my bad’ as it ‘marks someone down as very ‘street’.

Basically, don’t sound black.

(Though I think that poster is also completely wrong about ‘my bad’ sounding remotely ‘street’.)

@AnotherMarvellousThing
Oh well I can live with not having realised that. It doesn’t sound ‘street’ or ‘black’ to me either- just American.

First time I came across ‘my bad’ was on some American website about twenty years ago. The first English person I heard use it was an ex-public school boy called Hugo.
Yes, it’s all about confidence.

I love the sound of 'My bad' and have been trying to remember to include it in my conversations. It adds a touch of surprise to people's faces when I do remember and feels less subservient than "Oh no, I really am most terribly sorry" for very minor misunderstandings or errors.
language evolves.

Without actual examples of how rough around the edges we're talking it's hard to say. If we're talking just not being quite public school levels of vocabulary etc then my own advice would be to carry on as you are. I stand out hugely in my workplace, especially at my level where I am surrounded almost exclusively by public school men. I embrace what makes me different. I'm educated. I'm smart. I'm equal to them. Just because my accent or choices of phrases isn't the same as theirs doesn't make me any less qualified to be there or make their accents or choices of phrase better more correct than mine.

Good grief, I stopped worrying what my colleagues thought of the way I talk a long time ago. They know me and honestly, with my thick accent, trying to sound "respectable" would come off strange. However, if you saw my written work you wouldn't even think it was the same person. Emails to health professionals always very proper (because I do know the words, I just don't speak that way), perfect grammar and professional sounding. Then I send the email and tell my colleagues I'm going for a "wee wee" 😂 Another girl I used to work with used to say it too. Both of us spend our time working or with our kids and sometimes the worlds collide. I also say "cool beans" a lot. I'm 36.

Since when did 'street' mean black? Did I miss the memo ? I still think my bad makes someone sound a bit thick.

@Rangoon
Google how to pronounce "seague". It does not rhymne with "league".

Did you mean segue?