How do I get out of niece/nephew duty?

[Pedalpushers]

My issue goes like this:

I'm an only child, husband has a brother and a sister. DH and I have no kids, BIL and SIL have between them 2 nieces and a nephew. They range from 2 to 4 years old.

Whenever I go to their family events, my MIL is constantly encouraging the children to tag onto me. Telling them 'get Pedal to read you a story' 'ask Pedal to play' 'Pedal will take you outside for a walk' etc etc.

Thing is, nothing personal to the children who are perfectly nice, but I really don't much like kids, enjoy being around them or have any nurturing instinct. There is a reason I have none of my own after nearly a decade with my husband and frankly it irritates me that my MIL is pushing her grandchildren on me so heavily and their parents don't seem to notice or care. I do it, because I'm not heartless and wouldn't tell an excitable 2 year old bringing over their book to go away, but it just means I don't enjoy going around to my in laws.

The other thing, which my DH is aware of and actually mentioned to his mum, is that she doesn't do it to him, their biological uncle. Only me, the woman. He had a word with her in as lighthearted a way as possible but it backfired as she just laughed it off and insisted it was 'good practice'. She isn't the sort to change her behaviour.

AIBU? Are you expected to suck it up and look after inlaws kids at family events? I'm the youngest in my family so I'm not sure whether this is normal and I'm being precious and mean.

No advice but yanbu in the slightest and that's coming from someone who absolutely loves children! Hopefully someone will be along soon with some useful suggestions on what to do.

Bat them back. “Go and play with granny”.

I would be sweet to the kids but ensure I had a glass of wine or whatever in my hand and be busy…

“Oh I’m sorry I’m busy right now”
“Sorry I don’t have my reading glasses with me, why don’t you ask grandma to read it?”
“Oh sorry I don’t feel like a walk”

Or just be blunt and make a joke out of it saying “Am i the designated babysitter or something? No thanks, I’ll leave that to mum & dad!”

"oh, you'd much prefer to go and play with Granny Nutcase, wouldn't you?" and send them straight back, whilst grabbing a large glass of

Just for context I have 2 children & 2 SCs ranging in age from 6-16 years old… my brother tries to pull this shit with me with my nephews…
“Oh what’s one more to look after tonight, you’ve already got 4!”
Or “Me & wife are tired, yours are older can you look after baby whilst we eat?”

I just laugh and tell him to fuck off 😂😂

“Good practice”

Stupid cow, you’re child free because you choose to be. She can fuck off.

YANBU.

My mum used to do this as a passive aggressive way of trying to get me to have children. It really really irritated me.

I would palm this back on your DH or MIL.

I'd say to DH that he needs to stick to me like glue, and everytime MiL suggest the children come to you, he interject and takes them instead. They are biologically his family, he needs to lead the way here.

You have a voice, op. Use it. "Sorry, I'm not able to read a story now, I'm off to enjoy a glass of wine." Keep saying no, every single time. You are under no obligation to be their babysitter, I sure as hell wouldn't be.

I was the eldest cousin (8 of us) as a kid and 'Couldhave is in charge' used to really piss me off.

I agree - return to granny/dh with a 'sorry dn but I've got a headache/forgotten my glasses/uncle would love to instead'

You have a dh problem. He needs to tell his mother to get over her sexist bs with a firm explanation that kids just aren't on your radar, or you will in no uncertain terms.

I think she’s probably hoping that spending time with them will make you feel maternal and want your own. So your best bet is to say to her something along lines of : gosh seeing how hard work it is having kids really makes me happy with our decision not to … (but I’d give my SILs a heads up first, so they don’t feel like you’re judging their children).

Also, enough of the lighthearted, kid gloves approach with your obnoxious MIL. Tell her clearly and firmly to knock it off.

Always respond with granny has sweets if she says no she's just playing hard to get.

Is MIL giving you a heavy-handed subliminal message about babies here?! It's quite rude of her whatever her reasons and I'd be tempted to be a bit more upfront and message her next time you're expected and say that you'll give it a miss as you've been a bit headachey all week and being expected to entertain the children might make it worse.

Get your DH more onside by roping him in every single time. “Oh yes, DH and I love stories, don’t we! Why don’t you sit on him while I —drink this wine— look at the book.”

YANBU in the slightest!

I'm quite petty and would take the book and child give the book to her say to dn granny will read it to you and walk off.

You just need to say no really op.

call her bluff and say you can read it as I'm enjoying x and x.

I'm glad I'm not being a big meanie.

Deflection seems to be key here. I'm keen to rock the boat as little as possible because they're a lovely close family, and generally MIL is quite progressive which makes her behaviour in this regard a bit unusual.

I have secondary aged DCs, but quite honestly would not want it assumed that I would be desperate to entertain other young DC.

The way your MIL foists this on you and not her son is making me silently rage.

To break this everytime she says it say "no uncle ... wants to do it", have an agreement that he will do it.

Do something really dangerous and weird so that nobody will trust you to look after the kids

This happens in my family a little but I guess for different reasons. I end up being defaulted to watch the kids because I don't have any yet and the parents want a break. Sometimes I don't mind but the last time I really wanted to relax myself so I just started directing the kids back to their parents/grandparents, and if anyone asked me "where is X child?" I would just shrug.

Your DH just needs to tell her more firmly.

'I know you laughed it off last time, but seriously mother- stop sending the kids to Pedal'

It sounds like a passive aggressive way of commenting on your childlessness for sure.

My sister is very passive aggressive with me about my niece but its a very different set of circumstances to this, but my sympathies to you

Deflect with PERHAPS UNCLE DAVID MIGHT LIKE A WALK

or

I KNOW UNCLE DAVID HAS NEVER HEARD THIS STORY

or even

AUNTIE SUZI CANT PLAY TODAY ITS HER DAY OFF GRANNY CAN TAKE YOU OUTSIDE

Be more assertive.

She clearly hopes by doing what she is, It will make you ' want' your own DC.

I would straight up tell her ' I am not the designated babysitter at this event'.
I would also ask her to stop asking tbh.

@chickenninja best answer yet I think? Now what could that be...

If she says about "good practice" again, ask her "good practice for what? We are choosing not to have children" and see what she says. I'm assuming she knows this and isn't waiting for an announcement any day? Again though, this is really a DH job.