How do I get out of niece/nephew duty?

[Pedalpushers]

My issue goes like this:

I'm an only child, husband has a brother and a sister. DH and I have no kids, BIL and SIL have between them 2 nieces and a nephew. They range from 2 to 4 years old.

Whenever I go to their family events, my MIL is constantly encouraging the children to tag onto me. Telling them 'get Pedal to read you a story' 'ask Pedal to play' 'Pedal will take you outside for a walk' etc etc.

Thing is, nothing personal to the children who are perfectly nice, but I really don't much like kids, enjoy being around them or have any nurturing instinct. There is a reason I have none of my own after nearly a decade with my husband and frankly it irritates me that my MIL is pushing her grandchildren on me so heavily and their parents don't seem to notice or care. I do it, because I'm not heartless and wouldn't tell an excitable 2 year old bringing over their book to go away, but it just means I don't enjoy going around to my in laws.

The other thing, which my DH is aware of and actually mentioned to his mum, is that she doesn't do it to him, their biological uncle. Only me, the woman. He had a word with her in as lighthearted a way as possible but it backfired as she just laughed it off and insisted it was 'good practice'. She isn't the sort to change her behaviour.

AIBU? Are you expected to suck it up and look after inlaws kids at family events? I'm the youngest in my family so I'm not sure whether this is normal and I'm being precious and mean.

Op I'd just say to Mil,

I think you have the wrong end of the stick with me, I am not actually keen on dc nor want them, can you stop asking them to come to me, they are adorable and sweet but you don't do it to bil please don't do it to me

@GoldBar has a good way of putting it, least likely to cause offence.

I'd read them one story then ask dh to join in so I could slip away.
One day these children will be adults and if you want any sort of relationship with them then,be nice,they will remember the aunty/uncle who didn't like them/want to spend any time with them.
Families are families,they stick together and muck in together.(mostly,not always for sure).

@ScribblingPixie

It's a compliment in a way. She probably thinks you'd make a great mother & that you just need a nudge in the right direction. Maybe your DH needs to intervene and be a fun uncle at parties while also setting his mother straight a bit more firmly on the quiet.

personally I'd rather be ignored and insulted :)

Could be a (doomed to fail) long term plan to cause your clock to tick, OP, with a back up plan of securing the inheritance for DN and DN.

It's awkward as many DM and DGM think everyone must think DC are enchanting. If you neither want to tolerate this nor rock the bock then I'd pointedly call your DP to sit down with you, give him a significant look when he sits next to you and the DNs then let him take over. If anyone asks either of you what's going on then you can tell them DP had a chat with his DM and she's ignored him.

Good luck.

YANBU at all, and there are lots of good diversionary tactics advised on here - particularly liking the large glass of wine one.
But just playing devil's advocate for a moment - it is just possible that MIL does this to make you feel included in the family, particularly as you do not have a crowd of nephews and nieces on your own side. She might be misguidedly being kind?

Presumably family events don't happen that often.

Does MIL know you dont want children? If her aim is for you to get "practice" perhaps if she knows you dont need the practice because you will never be using those skills with your own kids she may back off.

I was left in charge of the toddlers at an event once. My faint: I'm not very good at this, was ignored. Happily started some colouring when someone shouted VERY loudly right in my ear: Put that down! Having dropped my pencil, I looked up to see one of the toddlers about to give another toddler a haircut or something. With sharp scissors - I mean, where did those scissors even come from? I was never asked again.

You need to not give in when she sends dc your way. Say you're tired and send them to DH. And then when MIL isn't falling over you, and only if you want to, have a chat with DC.

MIL needs to learn you will engage with the DC on your own terms, not hers.

@Maggiesfarm

Presumably family events don't happen that often.

Irrelevant.

"Go ask Granny where she keeps the fireworks, I know I've got some matches here somewhere..."

"Granny's got some lovely furniture. Do you know how to play the lava game, children?"

Haha, MIL, this IS starting to get embarrassing! We've told you we don't want DCs but you will keep on trying to change our minds! Come on, now, do we have to tell you again? Do we need to get you to the memory clinic?

@Morred

Get your DH more onside by roping him in every single time. “Oh yes, DH and I love stories, don’t we! Why don’t you sit on him while I —drink this wine— look at the book.”

This. 'Oh, Uncle Partner's Name would love to read you a story / take you for a walk!' Pass child to him. He may feel more motivated to help you battle this when the burden falls on him.

Take up smoking

Oh that would really annoy me. My MIL actually does this with my BIL and my kids and it irritates me. I don't want him playing uncle if he has no interest.

Hmmm, I don't think your DH has actually told her that you aren't interested in having a family at all...........................I would do a one to one with her and make sure she's fully aware.

Teach them to say "fuckity bye!" as a farewell greeting

Does your dh want children? Could this be a way of signalling that he's changed his mind? Something to consider, he is entitled to do a u turn but you don't have to.

I love kids and have lots of them but if anyone pushed them on me I'd choose to say "sorry kids, not today, auntie Zing is just not up for it. go ask uncle Zing or your grandma ok?"

in fact I had done this many times with no agenda. the kids accepted it and moved on.
if your MIL tries to manipulate you with the kids you have to fight fire with fire.
you are in no way obliged to play with nephews & nieces and if you say no they will probably not give a chewed on teddy bear's dangling eye.

I am a bit confused by your comment that you are an only child but the youngest in the family? The solution is simple - every time you get asked say your Uncle X (ie your hubby) would love to read you a story / take you for a walk etc. If questioned make up excuses my eyes are tired today, my leg hurts etc etc.
I think your m'n'law is trying to encourage you to have kids.

That would be so annoying! Get your husband to have another word and be explicit. It’s not good practice as we’re never EVER having kids.

OMG, I could have written this. My DH’s Family have many younger children in the family. When ever we get together, the men go off into the other room to watch footy and the women get to sit at the kitchen table helping the kids with colouring etc. When I say women I mean me as nanny and mother have to get on with all the cooking. I hate it! I’ve had my children, they are grown up and left home. I have no interest in other peoples children what so ever. They are lovely we’ll behaved kids so I’m not going to tell them to go away. They don’t deserve that. I don’t know what the answer is OP, I’m reading with interest!

@Smackthepony why do you out up with it? Give the men jobs.

@Tulips15

She clearly hopes by doing what she is, It will make you ' want' your own DC.

I would straight up tell her ' I am not the designated babysitter at this event'.
I would also ask her to stop asking tbh.

Exactly this. That's what the "it's good practice" comment shows. And it won't stop until you or your DH are very blunt with her about stopping it.