How do I get out of niece/nephew duty?

[Pedalpushers]

My issue goes like this:

I'm an only child, husband has a brother and a sister. DH and I have no kids, BIL and SIL have between them 2 nieces and a nephew. They range from 2 to 4 years old.

Whenever I go to their family events, my MIL is constantly encouraging the children to tag onto me. Telling them 'get Pedal to read you a story' 'ask Pedal to play' 'Pedal will take you outside for a walk' etc etc.

Thing is, nothing personal to the children who are perfectly nice, but I really don't much like kids, enjoy being around them or have any nurturing instinct. There is a reason I have none of my own after nearly a decade with my husband and frankly it irritates me that my MIL is pushing her grandchildren on me so heavily and their parents don't seem to notice or care. I do it, because I'm not heartless and wouldn't tell an excitable 2 year old bringing over their book to go away, but it just means I don't enjoy going around to my in laws.

The other thing, which my DH is aware of and actually mentioned to his mum, is that she doesn't do it to him, their biological uncle. Only me, the woman. He had a word with her in as lighthearted a way as possible but it backfired as she just laughed it off and insisted it was 'good practice'. She isn't the sort to change her behaviour.

AIBU? Are you expected to suck it up and look after inlaws kids at family events? I'm the youngest in my family so I'm not sure whether this is normal and I'm being precious and mean.

YANBU. I don’t particularly like kids, if they are foisted on me against my will I simply wait a minute or two, then send them back to parents, grandparents etc

I think perhaps it’s time for a chat with mil along the lines of if I want to interact with the kids I will do, please don’t offer my services in the meantime. If she continues bat it back, ‘oh no mil you read the story,play, go for a walk, after all as their grandmother I am sure you want to so end as much time with them as you can
‘ and walk away

@SpongebobNoPants

Just for context I have 2 children & 2 SCs ranging in age from 6-16 years old… my brother tries to pull this shit with me with my nephews… “Oh what’s one more to look after tonight, you’ve already got 4!” Or “Me & wife are tired, yours are older can you look after baby whilst we eat?”

I just laugh and tell him to fuck off 😂😂

This reminds me of when I was an exhausted single parent to a 5 year old and newborn and my cousin who lives away was up for the week to see his then 6 year old daughter. He managed to palm her off on me for a few hours and when he came to pick her up said to me "you could keep her for me tonight and give me a break" . I was like the walking dead! She did not stay over night.

This would really annoy me and I can see why you don't enjoy going to family events.

She is trying to get you to think that children are wonderful and you can't possibly live without them. As far as she is concerned, her grandchildren are adorable and anyone who spends time with them will want a child of their own.

My MIL used to do the same with me. I'd literally get a baby thrust into my arms. I'd sit there awkwardly until the sprog cried and then immediately hand it back.

I actually have my own kids now, nothing to do with MLS's efforts, but I still don't like other people's children. Funnily enough, MIL shows very little interest in my kids. She just wanted the status that comes with being able to say I have "x" amount of kids I think.

Anyway, every time it happens I'd just kindly tell the child that you can't help right now and to ask someone else. Kids are resilient, they won't suffer any long term mental distress if you don't read to them.

"Oh yes let's do some drawing, I've got a sharpie here.

Shall we draw tattoos?

Oh bollocks thats gonna stain your arm."

Then let them sip from your wine glass (put water it in though!)

@SpongebobNoPants

Just for context I have 2 children & 2 SCs ranging in age from 6-16 years old… my brother tries to pull this shit with me with my nephews… “Oh what’s one more to look after tonight, you’ve already got 4!” Or “Me & wife are tired, yours are older can you look after baby whilst we eat?”

I just laugh and tell him to fuck off 😂😂

I try this with my brother all the time.

Never works 🤣

My Mum’s friend got out a collection of lighters when we were tiny and tried to teach us how they work. My parents never asked her to babysit again. I am now wondering if it was intentional.

I got this with my great nieces and nephews, and I'd more than done my duty with their parents. I tended to pick them up, find their parents, plonk them in their arms or laps, and say, 'I think this belongs to you' - and then return to my conversation and drink.

I fully understand how annoying it must be -I had the same issue years ago. Does she actually know you don't plan to have children? You might say it's none of her business but if she genuinely thinks her son is going to have a family maybe he should explain to her?

Can you swear in a foreign language? Teach them.

@TheAwfuITruth

Your DH just needs to tell her more firmly.

'I know you laughed it off last time, but seriously mother- stop sending the kids to Pedal'

This.

Do they know you don’t want kids?

Next time the two year 9ld comes over with a book say you have a better idea and upend some saucepans and give them a wooden spoon or anything as annoying as fuck so that you quickly become the last person anyone asks.

"she just laughed it off and insisted it was 'good practice'"

Good practice? So she thinks (hopes) you're going to be having children? And probably even if you told her that you weren't, it wouldn't change anything; she'd just change the excuse to 'the parents need a break' or 'it takes a village' or 'it's faaaam-ly'.

I'd just redirect them to your husband or back to granny. If she ever had the guts to speak to you directly about it (I'm guessing she hasn't so far?) I'd be straight and tell her you find it very odd that she expects you to give a fuck tend to children when you have no interest in them and you'd like her to stop.

If you don

YANBU. Swearing in their company would probably be a good way to avoid them being placed anywhere near you. Otherwise just tell Dh to read the story/play and you walk to the other side of the room or go to the loo or take out your phone. A few times of Dh having the kids foisted on him and I'm sure he'll be very firm in telling his family to back off. You could always cut back on attending the family events too. No need for you to go unless you actually really want to.

My mil used to do this every time her family friend came over with her two kids. She saw it as a way of giving the family friend a break and showing me how great kids are in the hope it would encourage me to procreate, if anything it turned me off. My sil had a son by that point so she was exempt from taking care of them but I would get lumbered. My mil is a lovely women in most regards so I told her directly that I had no desire to babysit anyone else's children on a regular basis and if I did want to spend that much time with children I would have my own. I have two, expecting my 3rd and would never just dump my kids on someone else!

Oooooh...sounds like a serious case of Granny-Lust. You may have to have DH be very direct with Granny. He may have to be so direct as to say, "You know, we have decided not to have children, and forcing the issue with DW is only going to make this worse."

Oh I really feel for you, my Sister is very similar. At any family event she comes through the front door with her two kids under five and is hands off until they leave. It's awful, now as a family we start to leave the room the kids are in as no one wants to be responsible for them.
I tried the read a story and direct the kid back to the parents but the parents have skin thicker than a Rhino, so they produce another book or toy and send the kids off again. I don't want to go round when I know they will be there.

I'd laugh and say something like, "You know I'm not a kid fan MIL. Even Nephew/Niece, who I like better than most kids, I can only take for a couple of minutes max".

BIL does this to me every time. I've also had comments about making enough effort to comment on their WhatsApp group about aforementioned child. FYI saying if they want more attention from me they need to get a pet does not go down well. Nor does 'your daughter is cute but not puppy cute'.

Im a teacher, i never read the whole book at home. I read the first few words and if i can miss a ton of pages.

It's a compliment in a way. She probably thinks you'd make a great mother & that you just need a nudge in the right direction. Maybe your DH needs to intervene and be a fun uncle at parties while also setting his mother straight a bit more firmly on the quiet.

My brother gets out of this by firmly announcing every time we see him that he has a cold/upset stomach/Ebola and will therefore do everyone a favour by steering clear of the children for fear of passing it on.

In reality he just gets bored of kids really quickly.

How annoying OP, that would rally piss me off. You could get DH to have another word but more seriously this time. Or, if you are feeling brave just tell her you don’t want to.

My SiL does this To my children as they are older than their cousins. They were very kind about it most of the time but sometimes they really didn't want the babysit their cousins. So I gave them permission to say 'no' sometimes. SiL got very arsey onetime when my DD said she didn't want to play frozen, I told her that my children were not her unpaid babysitters, and they had given her children plenty of time, so someone else can entertain them. I think she was pissed off at first, but then seemed to take it on board, and would tell her children not to pester their cousins all the time.
I was a bit worried I had set up a situation from which there was no way back, but luckily that wasn't the case.

She's making it clear she expects you to produce grandchildren for her. I'd put her straight.

I'm really glad that I didn't grow up with aunts and uncles like this. It's bizarre to me, but I accept that I'm clearly in the minority.