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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS and his bank account

81 replies

flyingnight12 · 28/07/2021 17:26

Ds 19 will be going in to his second year at university this September, DS lives at home, his whole first year at uni has been online and he will be commuting to uni when things become face to face again.

DS bank account and Cash ISA is still linked with mine and DH’s account. DS wants to unlink both accounts but DH thinks as long as he’s living at home and not paying board his account should be linked with ours.

What are others peoples opinions on this

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 28/07/2021 17:27

He’s an adult so can unlink his accounts if he likes. No idea what not paying board has to do with it as he’s a student and lots of parents support their children through their studies and don’t all make them pay once they turn 16.

Marmite27 · 28/07/2021 17:29

100% he should have financial privacy.

I’m aghast that at 19 his account is still linked to his parents. You’re inching towards financial abuse IMO.

Failingbettereverytime · 28/07/2021 17:30

He is an adult. What your husband is doing is not just controlling but borderline abusive. How are you expecting him to become an autonomous adult if you infantilise him this way?

DuncinToffee · 28/07/2021 17:31

Ofcourse his account should be unlinked, he is 19!

Floralnomad · 28/07/2021 17:31

Our son lived at home and commuted to uni , had a pt job in retail from 16 to end of uni and never paid board and he never had a bank account that was linked to myself or my husband .

ToastieSnowy · 28/07/2021 17:32

DS should unlink his account, he’s an adult and should have financial independence. Doesn’t matter where he’s living. Your DH needs to cut the apron string he’s desperately clinging onto.

HilaryBriss · 28/07/2021 17:33

I didn't even know that accounts could be linked, how does that work? He should definitely be in charge of his own accounts without them being linked to anyone, he is an adult!

If I was your DS and your DH still said no, I would open my own student bank account with an unrelated bank and use that.

rainbowunicorn · 28/07/2021 17:33

How ridiculous. You should have nothing to do with his bank account. My kids got their own accounts at the age of 12. I would not dream of asking this of an adult.

GreyhoundG1rl · 28/07/2021 17:33

He's an adult, of course his accounts shouldn't be linked to yours. What's the advantage to you to have it so in the first place?

MattHancocksSexTape · 28/07/2021 17:34

What benefits does linking DS bank account does your DH get? Or is it just a power play…

ssd · 28/07/2021 17:34

Shocking you should have to ask a bunch of strangers online about this. Your poor boy.

TimeForTeaAndG · 28/07/2021 17:35

Don't accounts get taken out of parent's names at like 14?!

He is an adult. He can go and open all the bank accounts he wants in his own name, get some credit cards, buy a house...how is unlinking them even a question?!

JustMarriedBecca · 28/07/2021 17:35

He can get other accounts without your permission if you are worried about debt.

TidyDancer · 28/07/2021 17:35

What motivation does your DH have for this? Is there a reason other than control?

Londonnight · 28/07/2021 17:36

My son has had his own bank account since he was around 12. He has never had it linked to mine. There is no way as an adult that your sons account should carry on being linked to yours.

chunderwunder · 28/07/2021 17:37

I didn't even know you could link bank accounts. Parents aren't allowed to withdraw money from a child's account. How does this even work?

jay55 · 28/07/2021 17:39

Surely when his JISA became an ISA it would have been unlinked.

WhatisanODP · 28/07/2021 17:40

That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard!

Yes! Unlink it! Is your husband usually so controlling?

ApolloandDaphne · 28/07/2021 17:41

He should have his own bank accounts not ones linked to yours. That is just bizarre and somewhat controlling.

2bazookas · 28/07/2021 17:42

I had my own bank account long before I went to university. Our kids all had a bank account before they entered university. None of them were linked to a third party account.

He needs to take responsibility for his own finances , don't hold him back from normal adult development.

GetTaeFuck · 28/07/2021 17:42

This reply has been deleted

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LubaLuca · 28/07/2021 17:43

What do you mean by 'linked'? Are you and your husband joint account holders on his accounts?

GreyhoundG1rl · 28/07/2021 17:43

Does he have any issues that would make him having financial autonomy a bad thing?

It's quite passive of him to not just open a new account in his own name when your dh is being so controlling 🤔

LubaLuca · 28/07/2021 17:44

@LubaLuca

What do you mean by 'linked'? Are you and your husband joint account holders on his accounts?
Reading again, you can't be on the ISA, so I really can't figure out what you mean by 'linked'.
lunar1 · 28/07/2021 17:46

You can't control another adults finances, I can't believe what I read on here sometimes!