Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

DS (10) wants to stay back a year in school

123 replies

Lima1 · 28/07/2021 11:19

My DS was 10 at end of March. He is going into 5th class (we are in Ireland, I think it is Year 6 in UK) in September. He is tiny for his age, only 128 cm and very slim. He is the smallest in his class and always has been. We are a family of small people and he will never be big. Both my other DS (almost 12) and DD (13) are also very small for their age.
His height has been the cause of a lot of slagging from his classmates. It ranges from meaner stuff like the bigger boys (cowards) challenging him to fights, to comments about his height. He plays sports and while he is quite good, he is finding the physicality of it more difficult. For example he says when he jostles someone, they barely mover, but when he is jostled, he is sent flying.

He is one of the youngest in the class, most have turned or are soon turning 11. He plays in a football team with his classmates but struggles because of his height. He plays in a football and hurling team with the younger class and he loves it as they are physically more suited.

He doesnt want me to mention any of the boy's names to the school for fear of backlash.
He has friends in his class (mainly the other small boys) but they are all starting to get taller and he that is bothering him. He has loads of friends in the younger class as he plays two sports with them.

I really dont know what to do. The likelihood is no matter what class he is in, he will be the smallest or one of the smallest. I am worried about comments from both classes about why he is staying back and that could be worse than what he is facing now.

I am not even sure if the school would agree to keeping him back, I am due to meet the principal tomorrow to discuss.

Has anyone experience with this?

Thanks

OP posts:

junebirthdaygirl · 01/08/2021 09:11

You need to understand the lrish school system to grasp the immaturity bit. Most children are either 5 starting or turn five pretty soon after entering Primary. Children have two free years in preschool prior to that. This lad only turned 5 the March after starting so likely to be a full year younger than some of his classmates. In 6th they will be entering puberty so be ahead of him in many ways that are not academic. He will feel more at home with the year behind where he will be one of the oldest but not months ahead of most.

qualitygirl · 01/08/2021 09:17

@a8mint they won't all be younger. There's every possibility that some could actually still be older.

Coronawireless · 01/08/2021 09:23

I would move him. He is one of the very youngest and many March children are in the class below. The height thing is huge for boys especially if he loves sports. He will do better sports-wise in the class below. He is being bullied in the current class but has friends below and has ASKED to move. I would move him without hesitation and I think the school would agree.

EmeraldShamrock · 01/08/2021 11:00

My DS born was 5yr 7 months starting.
I kept him back in playschool his emotional immaturity was awful. I was worried he'd look ridiculous starting late he is 99 centile too.
However there is probably 15 his age in the classroom they all play nicely.

Coronawireless · 01/08/2021 11:24

Lots of very short players on international teams. Height needn’t hold him back ultimately. What will hold him back is loss of confidence through being bullied and pitted too early against older and stronger boys. Your DS sounds like he knows what he needs and has thought it through. Listen to him.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 01/08/2021 11:49

@a8mint - Yeah surely putting him with a younger cohort is not going to help his immaturity one bit!

I don't know why you keep posting nasty comments on a topic you obviously don't understand. The Irish system is, surprise, surprise, not the same as the English one. A child starting school at 4 with a March birthday is likely to have children more than a year older than him in his class. My ds23 started school at 4 with a February birthday. He was the second youngest boy, 4th youngest overall. He repeated 5th class and, while he was at the older end of the class, he was still not the oldest.

A child with a march birthday who started school at 5 (which would be where the op's ds would fall if he repeats) is likely to be in the oldest quarter of the class but it's highly unlikely to be the oldest.

user1471554720 · 01/08/2021 11:52

a8mint
Honestly, you are asking why is he so immature?? Maybe you should ask yourself why you expect him to have the same level of maturity as a child who is between 6 months ans a year older?

RTFT

user1471554720 · 01/08/2021 11:53

and a year older

a8mint · 01/08/2021 14:15

His problem is not his height, it is the bullying.

Emmelina · 01/08/2021 14:22

As someone who was always the shortest, had a brief growth spurt at 13 then stopped entirely at 5’ and was overtaken by everyone else again, I would say you can’t hold him back for something that is beyond his control. It’s genetics, that’s all. What would be more useful would be the school dealing with the little twerps poking at him just for not being as tall as he is!

OchonAgusOchonOh · 01/08/2021 14:25

@a8mint - His problem is not his height, it is the bullying.

I don't think anyone has suggested otherwise. However, the fact he is one of the youngest (and with a march birthday, quite likely the youngest) in his class, with his oldest classmates probably at least 15 months older than him, suggests that he might fit better from a physical and maturity perspective in a class where he will be one of the older students (and is still unlikely to be the oldest).

OchonAgusOchonOh · 01/08/2021 14:27

@Lima1 - you might be better posting on craicnet. At least there the respondents are more likely to be responding from a position where they actually understand the school system.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 01/08/2021 19:25

Is this a joke? Should my dwarf friend have stayed in nursery 😳

OchonAgusOchonOh · 01/08/2021 20:28

@DeflatedGinDrinker - Is this a joke? Should my dwarf friend have stayed in nursery 😳

Don't be ridiculous. The op's ds is also considerably younger than his classmates.

rantymcrantface66 · 01/08/2021 20:54

I don't know about the Irish school system but here in Scotland deferral is common before starting nursery. As far as I know it doesn't happen later before starting secondary (and I work in a primary school) I wish I'd deferred dd2 for similar reasons but I didn't (actually due to her birth month I wouldn't have been able to at the time although I would now) l deferred dd2 and will never regret it but I'm sure she'd have managed in the year above too. If the same I doubt there is anything you can do, but once he gets to high school and mixes with dc from different schools I'm sure there will be other smaller boys too

DDMAC · 01/08/2021 21:04

Agree with JuneBirthdayGirl. We’re in Ireland also and in same situation as yourself OP.
My dd is 10 and school have agreed to keep her back in 4th class next year. Academically she isn’t terribly far behind, maths needs lot of work, but she’s very immature and has been diagnosed with sensory problems and dyspraxia so the last 2years have been torture for her with bullying, it’s to the point now that no one bothers to even say hello when she goes in. I wanted to remove her from the school but husband wouldn’t agree and principal was saying it was a bad idea. They looked at her drumcondra tests and made sure they could prove to the department that it was in her best interests and agreed to keep her back.
Dd is extremely tall, one of the tallest in class so will stick out I’m sure but maturity wise I believe it’s for the best. She seems to connect more with younger girls, her cousin is 8 and they really connect so I think from that point of view it will work.

My son was kept back in senior infants and it really was the making of him! Do what you feel is best for your son, you know him better than anyone, follow your heart.

Minimamame · 01/08/2021 21:13

As a primary teacher in Ireland I would definitely think it’s worth keeping him back but it’s really not easy as the Dept of Ed have to sanction it. But if the principal is on board with it then you might be allowed to do it. Your son is very young going into 5th class. My own ds is 9 going into 3rd this year. The fact that your son wants to repeat would be enough for me as a parent to push for it. He’ll know he has your support and that means a heck of a lot. Best of luck.

Mistyplanet · 02/08/2021 06:47

I think its a good idea. If your head agrees I'd go with it and not overthink it. Your son is not happy and has come up with a solution. My ds3 will be starting in the cohort below his age as hes august born (UK) and I know how hard it is for them being the youngest. Another year could mean better academic results too. They've missed schooling due to covid too so maybe the head will take that into account.

junebirthdaygirl · 02/08/2021 21:16

Department don't sanction each individual repeat situation. In my experience schools keep all the records/ plans etc and if ever asked eg during an inspection they are presented. I have never been asked and working a long time. There are specific guidelines to follow but unless the school are making a habit of it to keep numbers up or something there is usually no issue.

museumum · 02/08/2021 21:25

I don’t think school year matters so much if he’s intellectually and emotionally mature he should stay where he is.
For sports it is an issue. I know. I am short as is my ds. My secondary school specialized in basketball ffs!!!
My ds goes to football that’s skills based rather than competition/ team based as I know he’d be too small to keep up. He also does mountain biking and skiing where size is less important than skill. He also enjoys swimming but we know he’ll never be fast when it gets serious.
I did judo as a student which is weight categorised and there’s no real height advantage (unlike say tkd where reach matters).

So my advice is not to keep him. Back at school but to be very careful in selecting sports and other extra curriculars where he can excel on skill.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 02/08/2021 21:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 02/08/2021 21:32

@museumum - I don’t think school year matters so much if he’s intellectually and emotionally mature he should stay where he is.

Except in this case, he is considerably younger than most of the children in his class. That does matter. With a march birthday, he is likely to be at least 15 months younger than the oldest in the class and is definitely at the very young end of the class.

boringcreation · 02/08/2021 22:15

@Lima1

My experience in Ireland is that if they are going to be kept back it is done within the first year or two of school, I dont think the school will readily agree to keeping a child back for non-academic reasons later on.

There is a boy in his class a full year older than him and most are 8/9 months older. I could have kept him from starting for another year but didnt, I am starting to regret that decision now.

I don't think you'll have an issue holding him back. I'm Irish and know lots of cases where people in 4th or 5th class were held back as they were younger or more immature than the rest of the class. For my primary it was up to the parents what happened. If your son knows kids in the class below and gets on with them, then you should let him stay back. It's the same situation in my opinion as letting a child do transition year, the extra year will give him the confidence he is lacking now especially when he doesn't have to worry about school work.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5