Parents and property

[Fedduup32]

Please be kind I’m not in a good place at the moment mentally.

In my early 20’s my parents put a rental property in my name. Not all as good as it sounds. I’m in my 40’s now and because of this property was unable to get first time buyers mortgage when I was looking for my own place so didn’t get a good deal that I could have.

Over the years whenever I bring up any conversation it ends in my mum screaming at me and threatening to put the property in one of my siblings name instead. I’m really upset as I came to visit my mum with kids and mentioned our flat is too small and I would love to get a bigger place and asked her if i sold the property how much would I get so could use as a deposit so I can get a nicer place. She got unreasonable again which resulted in me screaming at her too, not a nice thing to be honest. In the end I managed to get info from her that the rental gets £70 profit a month so in 20 years of this I asked her if I can have my money and she starts screaming at me.

After a lot of shouting today I finally learnt truth from her that she only made me buy the property as her accountant told her it will make more sense money wise to put in one of the kids name as they would have to pay tax etc. I feel really used by her but also guilty that she’s my mum but I feel sad that she never thinks about me or any repercussions it has had in my future finances and opportunities.

She doesn’t even clearly talk to me about anything to do with the property. I don’t even know if it was hers first then she put in my name for tax or first time buyers rate. I just get made to feel unreasonable if I ask any questions. My siblings were there today as well and they made me feel I am causing trouble but also admitted they glad she didn’t put in their name as they would have missed out on first time buyers with their property. I just wa t answers from her but she threatens all sorts.

I’m lying here feeling bad I brought up the topic but why can’t she just have a conversation with me about it. I don’t know what she’s hiding as she gets defensive.

See a solicitor, turn up with anything you know about the house situation, don't worry if it's very little.

Sell the property, keep the full amount of the sell, don't give any to your parents

If it forces then to go no contact then that's a benefit in my opinion

Time to stand up for yourself and live your life OP. They won't like it. You won't like it. You've been conditioned to do as they say and never question, that's how coercion works. You're in your 40's now, not a teenager who needs parental guidance.

Stand up and take what's yours x

I can't quite believe what I'm reading OP, they sound absolutely horrendous!

You can get copied of the title and plan here on the official land registry website (think it's 3 quid each) that will tell you if they have registered any claim on the property or if it's entirely yours.
eservices.landregistry.gov.uk/eservices/FindAProperty/view/QuickEnquiryInit.do?_ga=2.214529232.673653439.1627455991-41914136.1615961960

In addition to PP excellent advice re the letting agents, I'd also be into the bank recinding permission for them to access your account, including resetting all 'your' Internet banking passwords.

If this ends with your awful parents never speaking to you again, I'd take that as a bonus!

This can be sorted easily. Everything is in your name! Pay a fee for access to the deed, go to the bank and tell them you have misplaced the details, just take id. Then sell it when lease is up or with tenants in situ if local regs allow it (our local regs vary on this). If your siblings go on about it do the tinkly laugh and tell them it’s okay, it will take so much stress off your parents not having to manage this.

Hi, sorry you’re having to deal with controlling parents.
My parents also bought a property nearly 20 years ago in my name, it was for me to live in as a student and then have an investment / deposit for larger property when I needed it. I sold it a few years ago and required absolutely no input from them whatsoever in order to do that and was able to put the proceeds of the sale towards the new property without any issue. If I were you I would contact the mortgage company and ask that they update the address to your current address so latest statements are coming to you. I would then engage a solicitor to discuss the process for selling, again, if it’s in your name in the same way that mine was then they won’t even be informed. (This is assuming you’re renting at the moment and haven’t bought somewhere)

The business account in your name that they control is another issue, I’d speak to your solicitor about it (and don’t use the same one as your parents do). I would also question if this is classed as financial abuse and perhaps give a charity like women’s aid a call ? Your parents clearly don’t want to cooperate and their reaction makes it sound like maybe even they don’t fully understand what they’re doing, so get yourself in a good position to understand your options.

So both the mortgage and the house are in your name?

It’s yours, you are entitled to any rental income.

Your dp also won’t have the deeds as they are held by the bank until the charge on the mortgage is released.

The real question here is how much do you value your relationship with your family?

Option A: take complete ownership of the house yourself, live in it, sell it, profit from it. Result you get a house, but NC with your family is inevitable.

Option B: stand up to your DP insist they ‘buy’ the house back from you and put it in another siblings name. result, you’ve escaped from the current scenario, relationships will be strained for a while but will probably recover.

Option C: you put up and shut up, result, things will carry on as they are, you are financially disadvantaged until DP die, then your siblings have no claim on the house as part of the estate as it’s yours, but your resentment will increase and maybe blow up and destroy any relationship you have anyway.

Ps good luck, this is a horrible situation to be in 💐

@Fedduup32

Yes definitely in my name as the paperwork for new tent ants always has my name as landlord and and then bank details are in my name which I have no access to as they made me sign a letter that gives them authority to operate my account (it’s a business account) on my behalf.

You really need to see a solicitor about this. I know it's scary but please do it. It's not right that your parents are controlling your finances like this.

If the property is in your name then it's legally yours and your parents should have no control over it.

Don't listen to anything your parents say on this topic and don't sign anything else that they put in front of you without your own solicitor present.

You also need to take back control of your finances and don't let them operate the bank account on your behalf. Go into the bank in person and tell them you want it signing back over to you.

I also agree with the person whosuggested seeing a counsellor/ therapist (if you can afford it) as this must be very upsetting for you.

The house must have a lot of equity in it. Can't you use this as a deposit against a larger family home?
If it's in your name and you pay the mortgage then it's yours. Speak to a specialist mortgage broker and don't tell them.
I'm also a bit confused about first time buyer rates. I understand your affordability criteria is affected and there's capital gains tax to consider but there are also ways to use this asset to your advantage which you seem to have ignored.
Don't talk to their accountant. Get independent advice

When you’re controlled you often don’t know up from down. You’re doing very well to have recognised the situation you’re in and see through the screaming rages as a control tactic.

Get a solicitor to unravel who owns what, any second charges etc (I’d be surprised if mum hasn’t put a second charge on the property - that would stop you selling it without permission). It is worth spending a few hundred on getting properly advised here. Information is power. It’d be great if you could sell it, or keep it as an investment to draw a rental income. Be ready for that not to be an option, or for an ongoing good relationship with family not to be possible.

Fuck parents who financially abuse their own children. :/ not even in the same ballpark but mine opened bank accounts in my name to avoid taxes, back when tax on savings interest was a thing. Caused me real problems as I wasn’t allowed to touch it (on pain of losing family), had no money to live on when out of work & couldn’t claim benefits because I ‘had savings’.

Sell it and spilt it between the siblings.
She is trying to control you. Unfortunately it sounds like you will always be seen as the black sheep of the family and so I’d sell it and let them be annoyed with you as it sounds like you can’t do anything right anyway.

It all sounds horribly abusive to you.

I think you need to have a think through with a solicitor about your next moves.....

Of course your parents won't like it, if you take the money and run...as you'll be standing up to their abuse if you. Abusers don't like when their abuse comes out into the light..

But I think you need to ask yourself - can you cope if your family cuts you off?

And if you can't cope with family estrangement, can you cope with their continuing abuse of you? Because that is what it is.

I'd really recommend sitting down with a registered counsellor /psychologists

Thank you everyone. I agree I think I might need councelling before I decide to do anything. I just feel really upset and alone. She kept saying to me yesterday she made a mistake having me as I always cause trouble. She should have stopped at her 2nd child and not had me.

All my life I’ve felt I’m the “naughty” and bad one in family.

@Calmdown14

The house must have a lot of equity in it. Can't you use this as a deposit against a larger family home? If it's in your name and you pay the mortgage then it's yours. Speak to a specialist mortgage broker and don't tell them. I'm also a bit confused about first time buyer rates. I understand your affordability criteria is affected and there's capital gains tax to consider but there are also ways to use this asset to your advantage which you seem to have ignored. Don't talk to their accountant. Get independent advice

So they are paying the mortgage?

Your parents sound bloody awful. Did they not offer to help you get on the property ladder when it came time, to make up for the fact they had made it more expensive for you?

Sell the place from under them.

Everything is in your name. You're the legal owner. You need the money. Sell it.

Is the house suitable for you to live in? I think it will significantly reduce your capital gains liability if you live in for a while.
I would speak to the bank and regain control of the bank account, speak to the letting agents and tell them to deal directly with you. Change your details with HMRC so only you or your own accountant can access your online tax records/self assessment.
I would speak to a solicitor or financial advisor before you ring HMRC

@RainingYetAgain

From what you say, its yours to sell, so just do it. I'm more concerned about the rental income and the tax you should have paid. You'll have to pay capital gains as well I would have thought. I know you are not in a good place but you need some legal advice I think.

Even though legally it’s mine in reality they think it’s their property

Well they're wrong, it's 100% your property if it's in your name and you should be able to sell it to move on.

You could also get info from their solicitor, who has done this dodgy set up. Make an appointment, go with DH.
Tell him to explain exactly. Get copies of all documents & tell him to send the bill to parents

Have you posted about this before? I have read this exact scenario on here. Identical advice was given then.

I’d sell the house in a heartbeat - what a pair is shits your parents are! Take the money and move away from the lot of them. Good luck OP!

If you are scared to see the soliciter because you don't have the paperwork, that's why you should

They are using you in very dubious activity
They have bullied you about this for years
You are the victim not the culprit
So see a lawyer

If you delay once you are aware something is off , then you become party to it

Get legal advise

@HollowTalk not this first time I’m posting. Do you have link so I could read please?

It’s tax fraud.
It needs a solicitor to untangle it.
You must have signed documents for the mortgage etc, so are implicated. I assume you are getting mortgage statements in your name? I assume tenancy agreements are in your name?

I’d suggest taking everything you know or have about the property to a solicitor and/or accountant and getting it sorted out. They might not like that, but you cannot know and not do anything about it.

Who pays the mortgage? Them? If so and it’s in your name, you could profit quite nicely if you sell it from under them. Nothing less than they deserve 😬

So they are paying the mortgage?

From what OP has said, on paper the mortgage is in OPs name, the tenants are renting from OP, the rent being paid covers the mortgage and everything else, leaving £70pcm.

So on paper OP is paying the mortgage - she's just not seeing any of the £70 profit. For 20 years!!

So firstly you need to realise that you can access the bank account, the tax returns etc as they are in your name. All you need is the account number - or even just to know which bank it is with and go along with your ID. You should be able to do this without revoking your parents access initially.

Where you want to go with this as others say depends on where you want family relations to go in the future. That is your big decision.

It sounds to.me as though you are in a bad place due to your parents (and your siblings who sound as bad) and that resolving this would probably make things better for you - but only you can know that.

Good luck. And remember this not your fault but you do have the power to resolve!