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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents and property

237 replies

Fedduup32 · 28/07/2021 00:29

Please be kind I’m not in a good place at the moment mentally.

In my early 20’s my parents put a rental property in my name. Not all as good as it sounds. I’m in my 40’s now and because of this property was unable to get first time buyers mortgage when I was looking for my own place so didn’t get a good deal that I could have.

Over the years whenever I bring up any conversation it ends in my mum screaming at me and threatening to put the property in one of my siblings name instead. I’m really upset as I came to visit my mum with kids and mentioned our flat is too small and I would love to get a bigger place and asked her if i sold the property how much would I get so could use as a deposit so I can get a nicer place. She got unreasonable again which resulted in me screaming at her too, not a nice thing to be honest. In the end I managed to get info from her that the rental gets £70 profit a month so in 20 years of this I asked her if I can have my money and she starts screaming at me.

After a lot of shouting today I finally learnt truth from her that she only made me buy the property as her accountant told her it will make more sense money wise to put in one of the kids name as they would have to pay tax etc. I feel really used by her but also guilty that she’s my mum but I feel sad that she never thinks about me or any repercussions it has had in my future finances and opportunities.

She doesn’t even clearly talk to me about anything to do with the property. I don’t even know if it was hers first then she put in my name for tax or first time buyers rate. I just get made to feel unreasonable if I ask any questions. My siblings were there today as well and they made me feel I am causing trouble but also admitted they glad she didn’t put in their name as they would have missed out on first time buyers with their property. I just wa t answers from her but she threatens all sorts.

I’m lying here feeling bad I brought up the topic but why can’t she just have a conversation with me about it. I don’t know what she’s hiding as she gets defensive.

OP posts:
midgemagneto · 28/07/2021 07:35

I think you need proper legal advice

Either it's yours, so you can sell it and use the sake money towards your own house

Or you have been taken advantage of, bullied and forced to sign things , for a major tax fraud

You need real legal advice in case it's the latter when your inability to get a fib mortgage would be irrelevant

Essentialironingwater · 28/07/2021 07:35

How can she just 'put it in another siblings name' without your signature? I think you need to seek legal advice and think about reducing contact with your toxic parents.

DinosaurDiana · 28/07/2021 07:36

I’d see a solicitor about selling it as it’s yours.

EssentialHummus · 28/07/2021 07:36

They have the deeds I don’t, there’s paperwork every so often I sign when new tenants come but when I question them I get screamed at and questioned why I don’t trust them.

The deeds are available online unless the transfer was many decades ago.

The above is dangerous for you OP. If the property doesn’t comply with gas safe, electric, tax, hmo (?), any licencing requirements you will be on the hook, and the penalties can be severe. Get the Land Reg docs (PM me if you need help doing this, I’m an ex lawyer and can walk you through it), find out the situation and then I’m afraid you’ll need to stand up to your parents, screaming or no screaming.

Original poster
Fedduup32 · 28/07/2021 07:38

I feel scared seeing shy solicitor as I have no idea about any figures. All paperwork goes to their address.

My siblings said to me yesterday I’m a troublemaker and my dad will have a stroke because of me

OP posts:
Original poster
Fedduup32 · 28/07/2021 07:38

*any

OP posts:
Fairfeather · 28/07/2021 07:39

It sounds like they're using you for tax evasion if they're not declaring 1) the income 2) the asset.

Are they in receipt of any benefits, OP?

Original poster
Fedduup32 · 28/07/2021 07:39

@EssentialHummus thank you so much. So kind.

OP posts:
WeAreTheHeroes · 28/07/2021 07:40

You don't need the deeds - presumably they bought the place within the last 20 years meaning it will be registered and you can download the title register from the gov.uk Land Registry website for £3. You must have signed documents in order for their to be a mortgage on the place in your name. Get legal advice from someone independent of your parents' lawyers and advisers. It would make sense from a capital gains perspective to move into the house yourself for a period rather than just selling it. Standing up for yourself is probably going to end your relationship with your parents. Having said that, do you want one with people who seem to have controlled and manipulated you in this way?

Original poster
Fedduup32 · 28/07/2021 07:40

I know I must sound naive but yes I’m my head it’s clear now by reading comments it was for tax reasons and not my benefit as I thought.

Makes sense why conversations go nowhere. I’m really upset I have parents like this

OP posts:
WeAreTheHeroes · 28/07/2021 07:41

Actually your parents make have faked your signature if they are as bad as they sound.

LIZS · 28/07/2021 07:44

Why do you need any figures? You can see how much was paid and assess its current value on Rightmove and you could download the Land Registry documents as a start, it will show whose name/s the property is registered in and any charges. What was the original purpose of having your name put on there - tax avoidance(income, cgt and iht), to give them a investment/pension income, to give you an asset for future? Are you sure it is in your sole name? It would be unusual for them to have a mortgage on a property not registered in the same name.

Original poster
Fedduup32 · 28/07/2021 07:47

Yes definitely in my name as the paperwork for new tent ants always has my name as landlord and and then bank details are in my name which I have no access to as they made me sign a letter that gives them authority to operate my account (it’s a business account) on my behalf.

OP posts:
DinosaurDiana · 28/07/2021 07:50

@Fedduup32

Yes definitely in my name as the paperwork for new tent ants always has my name as landlord and and then bank details are in my name which I have no access to as they made me sign a letter that gives them authority to operate my account (it’s a business account) on my behalf.
My god, you need to see a solicitor. This is disgusting.
Thehouseofmarvels · 28/07/2021 07:50

If you sold it and kept the money would they go no contact with you ?

LetItGoHome · 28/07/2021 07:50

I think you need to say no more to your parents for the time being and seek legal advice. Your relationship with them will be over but that is for the best as they sound dangerous and wicked.
How terrible for you 😔 xx

PinkyPunkyHairdoo · 28/07/2021 07:52

First thing you need to accept is this is probably not going to end well. So you need to decide what you can live with. How do you feel about going non contact with your family? because it seems to me its going to come down to you or them. They will continue to emotionally and financially abuse you if you let them. That isn't going to change. So in your shoes I'd start seeing a counsellor and start working on how you deal with these family dynamics going forward.

You can get a copy of the deeds from the Land registry for yourself. Costs £100 and they will send it to your home address. You just need to apply online.

Once you have the deeds contact the letting agent and confirm you are the legal owner of the property and want all correspondence to come to you. Give them the new bank details for the rent to be paid. If they get funny about it then tell them you wish to end the agreement with them and engage a new lettings company to take over when their existing contract expires.

Get yourself a new accountant and instruct them to take over your tax returns. They can liaise directly with the existing accountant to put this into place.

Once you have control of the property you can then decide if you want to sell it, reimburse your parent's deposit and keep the remaining equity.

PotteringAlong · 28/07/2021 07:53

And stop signing paperwork that you know nothing about!

Crazycrazylady · 28/07/2021 07:56

Honestly Op
As you haven't put any money into this property I would just let it go for now and it will be yours automatically when they die. ( which won't be a bad deal)

Esspee · 28/07/2021 08:01

@Thehouseofmarvels

If you sold it and kept the money would they go no contact with you ?
Sounds like a bonus to me!
DingleyDel · 28/07/2021 08:02

It’s your property! Cut you parents off and sell it. They sound completely toxic and have used your naivety to profit. It doesn’t sound like they have your best interests at heart at all. Some parents.

ColumboOnTheCase · 28/07/2021 08:03

OP you are finally sticking up for yourself. I have been there with controlling parents into adulthood who took advantage of me without thinking of the repercussions on my future. @EssentialHummus advice sounds good. I found the courage to stand up to my parents when I had children, as what happens in my life affects them too.

You are an adult, it’s crazy they don’t want to give you information about a property in your name as you would be liable for taxes and would surely have legal responsibility as a landlord.

KD99 · 28/07/2021 08:03

See a solicitor, sell up, take some money, give them the rest and then never contact them again. They are using you and slowly destroying you in the process. This is not how normal parents treat their kids - get out of this arrangement asap

C8H10N4O2 · 28/07/2021 08:04

They have the deeds I don’t, there’s paperwork every so often I sign when new tenants come but when I question them I get screamed at and questioned why I don’t trust them

If its still mortgaged how do they have the deeds?

I would say you need:

  • consider a therapist/counselor to help through the relationship and historic issues of coercion and control
  • a solicitor (assuming UK) to work through the legal implications for you and parents

After the solicitor and depending on their advice:

  • speak to the bank holding the account in your name to get control over the financial transactions for which you are liable
  • HMRC to understand any tax exposures you may have
  • your parents to recover lost value/income due to their tax fraud
C8H10N4O2 · 28/07/2021 08:07

Incidentally this kind of tax fraud is not uncommon. Any solicitor, HMRC inspector or bank manager will be familiar with it and have experience of dealing with it.