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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Guest

88 replies

GreenFly56 · 27/07/2021 13:11

COVID bride here! 2020 wedding was decimated by coronavirus restrictions and didn't go ahead. At short notice (3 weeks ish), DH and I decided we were going to have a very small wedding as we didn't know when the situation would improve. We chose somewhere remote to have our ceremony and only invited v close family and friends on the basis of the restrictions but also being aware of the remoteness - ie. you would need a day either side to travel. My sibling did not attend as was busy at work and felt their manager would not approve the time off. I was disappointed because I find it hard to believe that with over 2 weeks notice, an employer would not be able to grant 3 days leave during a time when most people had work holidays stacked up for a wedding and if the situation was reversed, there is no way I would have missed siblings wedding however, the day went ahead and DH+I had a great time.

When we planned the ceremony last year, DH+I had planned to have a blessing at our local church where we had originally planned to marry and then a reception, once things had improved. We had loosely scheduled this in for October and sent out invites a while back. Sibling now lives France and requested confirmation nearer the time that the day would go ahead. I contacted recently to confirm that it would be. Sibling advised that October is a very busy month at work, and there are meetings booked that cannot be missed (sibling works from home full time so if it wasn't for the meetings, they could have worked from home here). If quarantine is still in place for Europeans visiting UK, they will not be able to attend as it would mean missing the meetings.

The restrictions are out with siblings control and I appreciate it is not a 'proper wedding' however, I wouldn't dream of missing siblings wedding - particularly under the circumstances and that I would have missed the first one. I am very hurt by their whole attitude towards the situation. AIBU to be upset?! I feel like saying that although things are going ahead, we are still restricted on numbers due to social distancing and the size of the venue so if that is their attitude I would rather give their invite to someone who actually wants to come.

OP posts:
pleasedonttextmyman · 27/07/2021 13:16

I find it hard to believe that with over 2 weeks notice, an employer would not be able to grant 3 days leave

I sympathise, but YABU, you clearly don't have a clue about the real world.

pleasedonttextmyman · 27/07/2021 13:18

Also YABU to show so little understanding at how difficult it is for someone to risk missing work, meetings, and being stuck in various quarantines and restrictions. Rules are changing all the time.

I get it's hurtful that your wedding is not the highest priority on siblings life, but you are unreasonable.

Saggybaggyaggy · 27/07/2021 13:20

If you really cared about your sibling being there you would take them into account in the planning. And yes three days off at short notice isn't always possible! Yabu

AnyOldLion · 27/07/2021 13:23

I find it hard to believe that with over 2 weeks notice, an employer would not be able to grant 3 days leave

It's completely believable. Many places require at least a months notice. Some workplaces don't allow holiday during certain months of the year.

YABU.

WeWantAMackerelNotASprat · 27/07/2021 13:24

Neither myself or dh would have been able to have had time off at that short notice!
YABU

girlmom21 · 27/07/2021 13:26

If you want specific people there take them into account when booking rather than expecting them to travel to remote locations, spend excessive amounts of money etc at short notice.

If you want your sibling at the ceremony, wait until next year when things are more certain.

Micemakingclothes · 27/07/2021 13:27

First you only gave sibling 2 weeks notice and they needed to take 3 days of leave. Now you are expecting sibling to cross a border that has ever changing rules at a time when it’s simply bad to leave work.

Yea Most people would try very hard to attend a siblings wedding.

Most siblings would also check the dates and locations with those siblings BEFORE scheduling the events. You make sure your nearest and dearest are actually available.

maddening · 27/07/2021 13:27

October is not short notice! Is your blessing on a weekend.

myrtleWilson · 27/07/2021 13:29

Three days at short notice unless for a bereavement would not always be possible...

Mayra1367 · 27/07/2021 13:29

2 weeks notice is not enough time to get time off approved in most jobs . You are unreasonable.

parietal · 27/07/2021 13:30

If sibling's work is busy in October and it is impossible for him/her to travel then, there is not much that can be done about it.

I have work that is intermittently v busy (e.g. a conference where i'm giving a talk / hosting) or fairly flexible (writing from anywhere). both my siblings consulted me on their wedding dates before they booked to pick a date I could do.

cookiesandcreamm · 27/07/2021 13:30

YABU

Russell19 · 27/07/2021 13:30

You should have planned it for a weekend

Neondisco · 27/07/2021 13:33

@pleasedonttextmyman

I find it hard to believe that with over 2 weeks notice, an employer would not be able to grant 3 days leave

I sympathise, but YABU, you clearly don't have a clue about the real world.

This. Both myself and my partner would really struggle to manage our workload if we had 3 days off with this notice.

YABU and a bit entitled / bratty tbh

greyspottedgoose · 27/07/2021 13:33

My work place won't even entertain a holiday with less than 4 weeks notice

PickleAF · 27/07/2021 13:33

I have to give a months notice for annual leave - 2 weeks notice for three days wouldn't fly at my work either! I can see where you sibling is coming from.

October wedding - if they're in France and it is suddenly put on a no travel list, or the rules change they could face a 10 or more day quarantine, if they've got important meetings booked for work it's a big risk to take! I'd personally re arrange the blessing for a time when covid restrictions aren't a thing if you want them to attend (since you're already married and this is a blessing) - perhaps next year?

WoodPell · 27/07/2021 13:34

YANBU to be upset not to have them there but using work excuses twice suggests to me that they really aren't bothered about missing it, unfortunately.

If it were me I'd at least lie and say I'd been refused rather than saying they "didn't think" leave would be granted.

Scout2016 · 27/07/2021 13:36

Sorry OP, YABU. Your proper do was very short notice, especially given the travel involved. 1 day out maybe but 3 is a big ask.

And your second one isn't an actual wedding, is there a proper do afterwards? Are you expecting some people to go to both, after the first one took up 3 days, or is the second one for those who couldn't make the first?

We got married at short notice and a sibling already had something on and missed it. That's the chance we took. I have also had to take time off, travel and spend a fair amount to attend a wedding that wasn't a wedding and I was pissed off about it to be honest.

stellaisabella · 27/07/2021 13:37

@pleasedonttextmyman

I find it hard to believe that with over 2 weeks notice, an employer would not be able to grant 3 days leave

I sympathise, but YABU, you clearly don't have a clue about the real world.

You are being so unreasonable here it's comical. I have my own small business, but my DH employer requires a months notice, and even then can be told no. 2 weeks notice is nothing.
HotToddyColdSauvignon · 27/07/2021 13:39

YABU op.

For all the reasons above. Your wedding is only important to you

MargotHeggerty · 27/07/2021 13:40

Why have your wedding at such a remote place that required people to travel there and back and use 3 days holiday if you cared so much about them being there.
Yabu. If you cared so much about people attending then it should have been a more local or easy to attend venue.

If my sibling choose to get married in an inconvenient time or place if wish them all the best but if i couldn't come (4 week notice for leave is in my employee handbook) then I couldnt come!

Also im sure you dont want to hear this but your already married whats the point in the oct thing will people be made to go to that who attended your actual wedding too? Hope they get a free bar!

iklboo · 27/07/2021 13:40

I hope this is a reverse because otherwise YABU.

You & DH chose somewhere remote at short notice. Not your siblings' fault.

Short notice meant getting leave was unlikely. This absolutely happens. Some companies expect leave to be booked quite a way in advance. Not your siblings' fault.

Your sibling has work meetings booked they cannot miss. Not their fault.

Surely to don't expect their employer to say 'oh a wedding? Well of course you must go, even though your role here is important, we're very busy and these client meetings are vital. Off you pop, bring us back some wedding cake'?

Never mind the risk of border changes and them potentially getting stuck over here, or having to self isolate for 10+ days on their return.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/07/2021 13:43

Leave her to it. They could be more honest with you, I expect. But you have done what was best for you, they are doing the same.

Keep them in the loop, don't stop talking to them. But don't expect a change. For whatever reasons they aren't interested!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/07/2021 13:43

Her? Them!! Sorry.

PrincessNutella · 27/07/2021 13:44

Bridezilla: Not a myth.

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