Wedding Guest

[GreenFly56]

COVID bride here! 2020 wedding was decimated by coronavirus restrictions and didn't go ahead. At short notice (3 weeks ish), DH and I decided we were going to have a very small wedding as we didn't know when the situation would improve. We chose somewhere remote to have our ceremony and only invited v close family and friends on the basis of the restrictions but also being aware of the remoteness - ie. you would need a day either side to travel. My sibling did not attend as was busy at work and felt their manager would not approve the time off. I was disappointed because I find it hard to believe that with over 2 weeks notice, an employer would not be able to grant 3 days leave during a time when most people had work holidays stacked up for a wedding and if the situation was reversed, there is no way I would have missed siblings wedding however, the day went ahead and DH+I had a great time.

When we planned the ceremony last year, DH+I had planned to have a blessing at our local church where we had originally planned to marry and then a reception, once things had improved. We had loosely scheduled this in for October and sent out invites a while back. Sibling now lives France and requested confirmation nearer the time that the day would go ahead. I contacted recently to confirm that it would be. Sibling advised that October is a very busy month at work, and there are meetings booked that cannot be missed (sibling works from home full time so if it wasn't for the meetings, they could have worked from home here). If quarantine is still in place for Europeans visiting UK, they will not be able to attend as it would mean missing the meetings.

The restrictions are out with siblings control and I appreciate it is not a 'proper wedding' however, I wouldn't dream of missing siblings wedding - particularly under the circumstances and that I would have missed the first one. I am very hurt by their whole attitude towards the situation. AIBU to be upset?! I feel like saying that although things are going ahead, we are still restricted on numbers due to social distancing and the size of the venue so if that is their attitude I would rather give their invite to someone who actually wants to come.

Asking for 3 days leave (bereavement and ill health aside) is a definite no-no in most companies. YADBU.

You show no consideration for your siblings work obligations in very difficult and uncertain times - not sure why do you expect them to have consideration for your non-wedding.

I baptise you, Bridezilla, in the name of Mumsnet, common sense and self-awareness!

I couldn't take 3 days off for a wedding blessing, even for a sibling with short notice.

Re October - I couldn't risk the quarantine period from work, especially at a busy time. I'm currently unsure if I will be able to take up my prebooked holiday (booked months ago) as we have been told that quarantine is not an option, it would be unpaid and could lead to procedures at work unless it was very specific reasons.

I find it hard to believe that with over 2 weeks notice, an employer would not be able to grant 3 days leave during a time when most people had work holidays stacked up

Really????????

Do you have a job?

I think saying you’ve been married a while and it is just a party is unfair. I think a delayed wider celebration due to restrictions at the original time is special circumstances and for my friends, family or acquaintances I would treat it the same way I would a ‘proper’ wedding.

The point about some employers not giving leave at that notice is irrelevant if OP is saying this is not the case with her sister.

And her hurt is clearly compounded as this is the second brush off. That seems like a pattern.

I’d be hurt and YANBU.

YABU to expect people to take three days annual leave for your wedding, even if they had a decent amount of notice IMO. But with two weeks notice it's bordering on ridiculous, I don't know many people who would be able to do this. As for October, I don't blame anyone for not wanting to risk being caught up in last minute rule changes and quarantine to attend a party. This would cause problems at work for a lot of people, even if their employer is generally flexible.

I find it hard to believe that with over 2 weeks notice, an employer would not be able to grant 3 days leave

🤣🤣 have you ever had a job?

YABVU - you can’t expect people (even family) to travel from abroad for a party (not a wedding, you’re already married!) when travel restrictions are changing all the time and they may end up having to quarantine.

On this point:
It doesn't sounds like it but siblings work are actually very flexible and they regularly take time off at short notice. There is no requirement to give a months notice etc.

I am not required to give specific notice for leave. I’m expected to manage my own calendar and work load. I have no meetings on Friday and nothing due urgently, I could easily take this Friday off any nobody would bat an eye. However, my diary also fills up far in advance. I’ve got meetings that I can’t miss for September and October. I’m going on maternity leave in November and people are trying to put things in my diary for then, I’m already having to explain that we will have to do a meeting in Sept/Oct and then I can hand over to my replacement. I already have two weeks in September where I’m going to struggle to day a day of leave, let alone 3 days because of existing commitments (that are only going to increase between now and then).

If you told your sibling you had pencilled it in for October, and their response was "can you let me know when its confirmed because October is a really busy month for me" then it sounds like you don't want them there as you still organised it for September.

Although the event is on a weekend, you're expecting them to take 2 weeks leave in order to quarantine beforehand. That's totally unreasonable. Firstly, to expect them to use up loads of annual leave sitting in a hotel/airbnb in quarantine and secondly to expect them to miss important meetings when they already told you it wouldn't be a good time of year.

@BeenThruMoreThanALilBit

You’re already married. This is a party, basically. You’re expecting your sibling to take time off work, and travel from abroad, to come to a party. YABVU.

To be fair, if sibling had bothered to make the effort to attend the actual wedding there wouldn't really be a problem.

@Lagomtransplant

Asking for 3 days leave (bereavement and ill health aside) is a definite no-no in most companies. YADBU.

You show no consideration for your siblings work obligations in very difficult and uncertain times - not sure why do you expect them to have consideration for your non-wedding.

I baptise you, Bridezilla, in the name of Mumsnet, common sense and self-awareness!

Eh? Asking for leave is a no-no? That's what annual leave is for. To take it.

I also don’t know any workplace who would allow three days off at 2 weeks notice

Our workplace actually do holiday planning up to a year ahead - holidays have to be booked in to a computer system in a time windows etc.

Plus the October thing - is it just a church blessing - any event after it ? I think most people would be reluctant to do international travel for something like that ?

Eh? Asking for leave is a no-no? That's what annual leave is for. To take it.

'At short notice' I think that PP meant - but implicit since that's what the whole thread is about !

I used to work shifts in London & would literally have to give months notice to get time off. Not everyone has the flexibility to swan off at a moment's notice.