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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you share?

76 replies

Shouldhavepreppedsooner · 27/07/2021 12:27

So after a very difficult 18 months of covid, home schooling, elderly parent etc both myself and my husband were told that we would be made redundant from our jobs. I managed to find a perfect part time job that fits around child care but my start date meant that I wouldn't receive redundancy as it was too early. I took it as I wanted security and to ensure at least one of us was earning, and we can just about cover the mortgage with the wage. My husband didn't look for jobs and didn't apply for any that I sent him. He has now found one and will receive his redundancy. AIBU to expect him to share his redundancy payment with me or should I have waited longer to find a new job?

OP posts:
MrsN100 · 27/07/2021 12:29

Yanbu, really showing his true colors isn't he

coodawoodashooda · 27/07/2021 12:30

If i even had to ask i wouldn't respect him again.

pinkcircustop · 27/07/2021 12:30

You’re married, you should be sharing finances else you end up with issues like this.

I never understand why people want to share their lives together but won’t fully commit to each other and have their own money Confused

PyjamaFan · 27/07/2021 12:31

If you're married with children then surely it's joint money?

Aprilx · 27/07/2021 12:31

It is just family money.

canigooutyet · 27/07/2021 12:35

Depends. If he was working there for 10 years and only been with you for 2 years type of thing, then no I would just put into the joint account whatever I would normally but in and a bit more.

Dizzy1234 · 27/07/2021 12:35

Is he planning on keeping his redundancy money for himself or put it in the family pot?
If he's keeping it to spend then yanbu, he's a greedy pig and doesn't deserve you 💐

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/07/2021 12:39

I’d hope the money would go in savings for a future rainy day and would certainly use it to clear any debts from when not working if any.

As for if it should be shared surely depends on how you do finances as a couple.

Original poster
Shouldhavepreppedsooner · 27/07/2021 12:57

His view is that I could have waited to get a new job and got my own redundancy money. It would have been around the same amount, and if I had waited then he wouldn't have to share. He has mentally already spent it and now I won't get any it's unfair that he has to share his

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Original poster
Shouldhavepreppedsooner · 27/07/2021 12:59

We have been together 20 years

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Original poster
Shouldhavepreppedsooner · 27/07/2021 13:01

We share all finances, we have a joint account that all bills come out of then seperate accounts for spending money that is all equal.

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Shizen · 27/07/2021 13:02

There should be no concept of his money and your money. Especially when you’ve shared your life for 20 years, and you made a decision that protected the financial solvency of your family rather than behave like a selfish pig, as he is

bluebeck · 27/07/2021 13:02

Surely whoever gets redundancy it's family money?

What is he spending it on? If it's a family holiday/home improvements/new family car, YABU.

If it's a motorbike/season ticket/lads holiday, YANBU

IonaLeg · 27/07/2021 13:03

You’re married - it should all be shared. If he’s suggesting otherwise he’s being awful.

PeonyTime · 27/07/2021 13:03

It would all go into the shared pot here. You took the hit of not getting redundancy to secure an ongoing income for the family.
What has he earmarked it for?

spotcheck · 27/07/2021 13:08

Your husband is being incredibly selfish.

He had the luxury of hanging on to his job because you were now employed and could cover bills. You provided a safety net, but now he wants to keep the reward?
Incredibly selfish.

Original poster
Shouldhavepreppedsooner · 27/07/2021 13:12

Yes I feel like I have taken a job that fits well around childcare but it not what I really want to do, in order to protect our home and ensure we are safe even if it means giving up on luxuries. He thinks that I should have waited to get my own redundancy and a job that I really want to do.. just like he has. He has just landed on his feet and doesn't understand how risky that might have been, especially because of covid.

He has earmarked it for things just for him. As he has worked so hard he deserves a treat. The hobby is a particular mumsnet favourite.. and also other bits and pieces that me and the kids would not benefit from

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Original poster
Shouldhavepreppedsooner · 27/07/2021 13:14

Yes I feel as though because I took the job, he could afford to be more picky with what he applied for as there was 'less' pressure for him to just find anything and he ended up with something really good

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bluebeck · 27/07/2021 13:14

He sounds like a total arsehole.

girlmom21 · 27/07/2021 13:15

Surely you'd have had this conversation at the time if you taking your job? I wouldn't expect him to "share". If you'd contributed more to bills etc while he was looking for work I'd expect him to replace that.

NotYourNachos · 27/07/2021 13:16

Is he as delightful as you’ve said in other aspects of your relationship?
If not don’t waste another 20years with him

Unless you both agreed to keep your redundancy’s and not share before but even so he sounds like a complete prat

PattyPan · 27/07/2021 13:16

It should absolutely be family money. He can’t merrily accept your wages to cover his living costs and then say money from his job is just for him. It doesn’t work like that.

coodawoodashooda · 27/07/2021 13:16

If you divorce him youll get half, and the opportunity to meet someone who actually cares for you. Please do that.

Oysterbabe · 27/07/2021 13:18

Did you ask your new job if you could delay your start? I pushed my start back by a month in a job I took so that I could be made redundant first.

Original poster
Shouldhavepreppedsooner · 27/07/2021 13:21

We should have spoken about it at the time I accepted the job, but it was all very chaotic and stressful, I thought we were a team and kind of assumed it would be shared so didn't think to mention it. That's my mistake. He assumed I would have known he wouldn't share

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