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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you share?

76 replies

Shouldhavepreppedsooner · 27/07/2021 12:27

So after a very difficult 18 months of covid, home schooling, elderly parent etc both myself and my husband were told that we would be made redundant from our jobs. I managed to find a perfect part time job that fits around child care but my start date meant that I wouldn't receive redundancy as it was too early. I took it as I wanted security and to ensure at least one of us was earning, and we can just about cover the mortgage with the wage. My husband didn't look for jobs and didn't apply for any that I sent him. He has now found one and will receive his redundancy. AIBU to expect him to share his redundancy payment with me or should I have waited longer to find a new job?

OP posts:
Original poster
Shouldhavepreppedsooner · 27/07/2021 13:23

We have earned different amounts and different times and always supported each other whoever earned the most so that's why I assumed this would be the same situation

OP posts:
Youseethethingis · 27/07/2021 13:31

What would he say if you asked him to share it with the children and put money in their ISAs?
That would placate me a little while I seriously reflected on whether my husband had any love or respect for me and whether I would be better off without.

FamBae · 27/07/2021 13:37

@Shouldhavepreppedsooner

We share all finances, we have a joint account that all bills come out of then seperate accounts for spending money that is all equal.
Well it's clearly not equal is it. I'm afraid you have a very selfish husband op.
Saoirse82 · 27/07/2021 13:38

What a stingy bastard! I'm not sure I'd want to spend the next 20 years with him now my eyes had been opened to this selfish behaviour.

TalkingOutYerArse · 27/07/2021 13:49

Family money. He is being an ass.

Sunflowers095 · 27/07/2021 13:50

@Shouldhavepreppedsooner

Yes I feel as though because I took the job, he could afford to be more picky with what he applied for as there was 'less' pressure for him to just find anything and he ended up with something really good
It he didn't find a job and his redundancy money would run out, would he expect you to cover all expenses?

Your husband sounds like an awful selfish man.

Redwinestillfine · 27/07/2021 13:51

If you're married surely half is yours?

chesirecat99 · 27/07/2021 14:01

Personally, I think all finances should be shared in a marriage.

I managed to find a perfect part time job that fits around child care but my start date meant that I wouldn't receive redundancy as it was too early.

If you have been made redundant and leave early to take up a new job, you are still entitled to a redundancy payout. Did you take advice at the time?

BrilliantBetty · 27/07/2021 14:03

If he hadn't found a job in time and was unemployed for a few months after redundancy you with your new job would be supporting his ass so yes he should share!! He got lucky but you planned ahead and played it safe for the both of you

chunderwunder · 27/07/2021 14:21

I can't ever imagine having money and not wanting to share it with the person I love most in the world Confused

All that suggests is that some people love money and things more than they love their families. Nasty.

Tibtab · 27/07/2021 14:26

He needs to pay a salary’s worth into the joint account every month.

LadyCatStark · 27/07/2021 14:27

Ahhh… he’s a cyclist… what do you expect, they’re inherently selfish.

Yes he should share with you and your children.

LittleOwl153 · 27/07/2021 14:33

I think he's being unfair. It sounds as though you are on the kind of budget were there is treat money - but this is an amount beyond what you could choose to spend on yourselves.

What would happen if you said you would keep all your wages for the period he has not worked then - or he would need to pay you back for his share of the bills in that time - as that time is what has given him the luxury of finding the right job and getting his redunandcy...

Roomonb · 27/07/2021 14:38

Jesus thats shitty. The question of “sharing” wouldn’t even come up in my house. It’s not on. You may as well get a job with the hours you want if it’s like that, he can split childcare with you. So selfish.

mrsm43s · 27/07/2021 14:51

I would expect redundancy money to go into longer term family savings or to be spend on something to benefit the family as a whole if it wasn't needed to cover bills whilst out of work.

I find the idea of either of you trying to grab a lump sum to spend on your own selves a bit grabby tbh. There's many things that the family as a whole would benefit from - not least some savings for additional security if nothing else is needed.

I would absolutely not expect to hand over half of any redundancy I received to my partner for them to spend on themselves. I would however make sure it was saved or sensibly spent on something that the family either wanted or needed, and I would include my partner is discussions as to what that was. My last redundancy payment paid for a much needed new bathroom.

VladmirsPoutine · 27/07/2021 14:53

Of course he should share but how much are we talking ball park figure? In the thousands or in the hundreds?

Divebar2021 · 27/07/2021 14:58

I would invoice him for your additional expenses while he was out of work and if he questions it say of course you need paying back and assume he would know that. ( if that’s how he chooses to play it)

starrynight87 · 27/07/2021 15:00

Surely all money is shared?

FunMcCool · 27/07/2021 15:17

As you’d both just lost your jobs in a pandemic I would be livid if he spent it and didn’t put it into savings for a rainy day.

AryaStarkWolf · 27/07/2021 15:22

Of course he should share, what kind of "partner" wouldn't?

Nerfelite · 27/07/2021 15:26

@bluebeck

He sounds like a total arsehole.
Yes.

If he hadn't had found a job he would have needed to spend this money on household bills etc. So of course he should bloody share. Selfish git.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/07/2021 15:33

Are you planning on staying part time and does he have to work full time to balance the family bills? If so, I can see why he wants to use the money for himself as he loses out time wise and has to pick up more daily costs.

Original poster
Shouldhavepreppedsooner · 27/07/2021 15:37

I think I'm going to have another conversation with him bringing up all of your excellent points. He talks over me and talks so quickly sometimes I find myself agreeing with him without even realising. Thanks so much for your in put

OP posts:
bakingdemon · 27/07/2021 15:39

I would say he should treat himself to one thing using a proportion of the money you agree, and the rest goes in the pot. I have been made redundant twice and both times the cash has gone into the general pot and been spent on renovations and childcare.

lljkk · 27/07/2021 15:40

I very much do not want to have a go at OP.

But I'm bursing to exclaim ffs, why do people get married if they still end up with "his" and "her" money? omg. Do women get married just to get a "Mrs" title, wear a posh frock, or choose the colour scheme? What is the point.

Anyway, for married couples, any major expenditure should be discussed regardless of where the money came from and who will benefit from it. "Major" threshold could start at £5 or £500, but probably > £100 in most households.

You should start cycling OP & then you can benefit from the £900 wheelset, too.

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