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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

126 replies

clartymare · 26/07/2021 15:08

DS is just 19 months and not really talking. He has a few words like hiya and pees for please but doesn't always use them in context. He also repeats his name and knows it means him, and is trying to repeat lots of words at the moment, but weirdly mainly difficult ones - he's constantly trying to say 'amazing' if I say it, and failing obviously! His understanding is really good, but he's in the whiny frustrated phase where he wants to communicate with us and gets cross or frustrated when he can't and won't try to use words when he's in that mood.

I was out with a friend yesterday for coffee and the park and I praised him when he tried to say 'amazing' - she commented that he doesn't really talk. I agreed and said that I'd contact the health visitor if he got nearer to 2 with no real progress and she told me it's because I'm not doing enough to nuture the skill.

I know I've got to get a thicker skin for this kind of criticism but it's really bothered me. I try a lot of things with him, the tv he watches is a talking for babies video which he loves, I try to repeat words when I'm giving him things ie do you want a banana? Mummy get you a banana, here's your banana...etc but it's struck a chord with me, maybe because I'm a bit sensitive about it anyway and know it's an area he's a bit behind in.

I think it was the way she outlined everything she has done and how her DD is his age and has 'Over 50 words' and that I just need to try a bit harder with him. It's made me feel like I'm failing him in some way!

OP posts:

tallduckandhandsome · 26/07/2021 15:11

YANBU, I would either ditch her or respond to her each time saying she is upsetting you and explaining why. Don't pretend you're fine with her behaviour.

Pinkflipflop85 · 26/07/2021 15:14

She is not your friend. She is a dick.

Neondisco · 26/07/2021 15:17

That's really shitty of her.
Mile stones a great for spotting development issue if a baby is way behind or missing lots. But I feel like on the whole they just stress people out!

You know this is an issue and are talking to him lots so it's not like he's not speaking through neglect! Kids really do all develop differently. His understanding is good so that's a good sign. It's not like he's 5 and not speaking so really try not to worry they learn in their own time.

In the meantime get more supportive friends. As this is just not kind from her.

ohfourfoxache · 26/07/2021 15:17

She’s an absolute twat

If she was having an off day then consider staying friends but from a distance

If she has form then ditch her

It’s not you at all - her twattishness is all on her

MissingEveryoneSoMuch · 26/07/2021 15:18

Of course you’re not failing him OP!! Just keep talking normally. Children learn 90% of their language from incidental listening, so unless you’re all silent around him, he is picking it all up this way.

Neondisco · 26/07/2021 15:18

@tallduckandhandsome

YANBU, I would either ditch her or respond to her each time saying she is upsetting you and explaining why. Don't pretend you're fine with her behaviour.

Actually this is a really good point. Why should she get to upset you? If you can handle the confrontation I'd tell her it's shitty behaviour.

Bassetlover · 26/07/2021 15:18

She's an unsupportive bitch. My DB didn't utter a word until he was almost 3 then started speaking in sentences and was very bright. Please don't worry. Some kids just take more time.

Bigfathairyones · 26/07/2021 15:20

Is this her first child? Just wait until she gets to the one/s that draw on walls, say nothing or (horrors) can't read by the time they start school. She'll just be glad that they're vaguely clean and not playing in the traffic by the time the rest come along. Having said that, if this is her fourth perfect child, you don't need friends like that!!

gardeninggirl68 · 26/07/2021 15:21

She's obviously hit a nerve though

I'd ditch the tv/videos.... with all 5 of mine it was simple books that got their interest. We could sit for long periods with picture books just repeating names of everything

Daily

He will get there

PieceOfString · 26/07/2021 15:22

He'll be developing another skill. My ds had 5 words he could say at 24 months. We were seen by a speech and language therapist who recommended modelling the next step for him. So if he has no words, show him how to use one word (like pass an apple and say apple), if he could say one word model using two (like more+please). Then it was just wait and see, if he was still lacking language at 3 further investigation would be done. Meanwhile just go away and model language.
Then at 28 months he had a vocabulary explosion, acquired 50 words in one month and then I stopped counting.
Now his nickname at school is the Living Dictionary.
Kids often develop a skill at a time it's just not languages turn yet.
Meanwhile help his frustration by use of gestures etc. .
Don't worry, he's got plenty of time yet.

ChittyChittyBangBangChicken · 26/07/2021 15:24

YANBU to be upset. I agree that you shouldn't pretend you're okay with her "advice". Yes, you could have a thicker skin, but she could also learn to bite her tongue and not give voice to her every thought!

Next time she does this, I'd let her know it was bothering me, either by sighing (maybe give a quick eyeroll, too) and changing the subject abruptly or just telling her you're doing all you can and that conversation is stressing you.

TurquoiseDragon · 26/07/2021 15:26

@Bassetlover

She's an unsupportive bitch. My DB didn't utter a word until he was almost 3 then started speaking in sentences and was very bright. Please don't worry. Some kids just take more time.

My brother was the same in the early 70s. He got to the age of three then just never shut up afterwards.

Theblacksheepandme · 26/07/2021 15:29

She was not being helpful and her behaviour was shitty. I think you should tell her that you were upset by what she said. The only thing is, from personal experience she may not like to be told this and end up not speaking to you. You are doing great and nobody wants to be around someone that makes them feel like they are doing a shit job as a Mum. She only seems interested in telling you how amazing she is as a Mum.

MargaretThursday · 26/07/2021 15:30

He sounds with normal limits for his age (at 18 months it's 6 appropriate sounds), but 50 isn't really anything to boast (I've known children who are fully in 5 or 6 word sentences at that age) so I wonder if she's trying (rather nastily) to make herself feel better by knocking him down.

Also most children by the age of about 4yo you can't tell who spoke in sentences at 15 months and who had one word at 18. So don't worry.

What I might say is that it sounds like you're talking lots to him, but you may be better using single words at times or the same sentence? So rather than, as you put "do you want a banana, mummy get you a banana, here's your banana..." He may be struggling to pick out which word to say from that, so after asking him if he wants a banana, just saying "banana" when you give it to him, may encourage him to repeat it to you.

Cheeseandlobster · 26/07/2021 15:31

She is an arsehole. Is she with you all the time to make that judgement? She is no friend

Blippibloppi · 26/07/2021 15:31

He's only 19 months - he's got loads of time.
Your "friend" on the other hand sounds like a right cow, I'd bin her off and enjoy your little boy.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 26/07/2021 15:31

What an absolute bitch. Unless she is a speech and language therapist or similar, what the hell makes her think a. She is qualified to give any advice, b. Anything she has done is any more than luck or Gene's and c. Anyone is interested in her patronising unsolicited advice.

It's not you, you dont have to get a thicker skin, you have to get nicer friends who arent into competitive parenting and trying to make their friends feel like their child is in some way behind so that they feel superior.

Also I thought util they were a fair bit older, when you're counting words that a child says its not how accurate they are it's any worse that they use consistently in the same situation. So if they say 'oof' meaning woof meaning dog, this is a word.

Sarahlou252 · 26/07/2021 15:32

A good friend would be supportive and not compare at all. All children grow and develop differently, my ds hardly said a word until he was three, to the point where he was referred for speech therapy, but in the time it took for his referral to come, he just suddenly took off.
Honestly, just try and provide a language rich environment, no need to go over the top or it becomes just 'noise' Comment, ask questions, wait for his responses, involve him in conversation. Let him see others in conversation.
And it will come. In its own time.

YukoandHiro · 26/07/2021 15:37

She's a prick. Distance yourself.

Waspsarearseholes · 26/07/2021 15:39

Oh she's obnoxiously smug isn't she? Must be nice to be her, the perfect mother. People like her have no business giving 'advice' to friends as she appears to be doing it from her superior position rather than as a supportive friend.
If it's any reassurance for you, my daughter was very late to speak and we were worried, informed the health visitor/speech and language therapist, etc. Before we had an appointment through for the S&L therapist she suddenly and spontaneously started speaking very clearly in two to three word sentences, using more complex words she'd heard from books, etc. Like your son, her understanding was also good and I bet you anything that this time in about nine months time you'll be wishing for five minutes' peace from the non-stop chatter! Honestly, please don't worry about your son yet. Keep an eye out of course and continue what you are already doing but don't let worry spoil your time with him at the moment. I'd find it really difficult to see your friend again though, sanctimonious cow. She just got lucky to have an early talker, it really means nothing.

EKGEMS · 26/07/2021 15:40

As a Mom of a 21-year old SN child you can tell her to take her sanctimony elsewhere! Children develop at their own pace-yes you need to stimulate them ie: reading and talking to them but any normal parent will tell you these milestones can't be sped up or forced,so relax. I don't take advice from anyone who hasn't gotten any child through the teenage years tbh

TheCrowening · 26/07/2021 15:41

He’s 19 months. All children develop at different rates and most late talkers catch up. She’s being extremely unhelpful at best. I’d take a step back from that friendship.

chunderwunder · 26/07/2021 15:44

Your boy sounds fine. Very similar to how my bright, curious son was at the same age.

How dare your friend a) decide he has a problem and) tell you it's your fault.

You just don't do that.

thetaleunfolds · 26/07/2021 15:44

People like that really are something else. She’s rude. You are surely doing a great job. Your son is no doubt fine - mine was the same and barely spoke at all at his 27 month check and now a year on can talk for Britain 😣

Arepeoplereallycoolaboutthis · 26/07/2021 15:45

Your "friend" is ignorant and insensitive with it. If you want to carry on with this friendship you need to pull her up on it.

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