Page 4 | AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

Flamingnorahs · 26/07/2021 17:40

I know its hard, but please try not to be upset. Sounds like you and your son are doing just grand. Your "friend" is a dick.

TooOldandTired · 26/07/2021 17:41

Your friend sounds horrible and smug - I wouldn't be bothering with her again.
Your DS is absolutely fine - the amount of BS around what you need to do with kids this age is ridiculous, talk to him and play with him (which I'm sure you do) and he will develop fine.
What your smug friends doesn't realise is all the crap she did probably made little difference to how her DD developed.

mummypie17 · 26/07/2021 17:46

My ds was the same at 19 months. He wasn't saying much (and I got similar comments from relatives). He's now 3 years old and actually advanced in language (according to nursery, his verbal skills are exceed 5 years old) so they do eventually catch up! The important thing is not let what others say get you down and not to compare

Metallicalover · 26/07/2021 17:47

Get a better friend! She sounds like a right cow!
I have a few friends from work with children around the same age just a few months between them. They've all done things at different ages! Walking varied a lot for example ! They're all coming along fab!
My daughter is a good talker, I don't believe I'm doing anything different to them, it's just that she's a good talker.
I find that boys in general don't babble that much and then all of a sudden they talk in full paragraphs!
One episode in particular I saw my friends 3 year old one week I couldn't really understand what he was saying, then the next week he was talking very clearly asking me to play with his trains etc!

gamerchick · 26/07/2021 17:59

She's a dick.

Maybe try makaton with him if he's frustrated. He'll catch up eventually.

Ravenclawsome · 26/07/2021 18:01

Lockdown has really affected some kids.

My DS is 3.5 and barely talks (we're having it investigated currently) but they're not overly worried as loads of kids are in the same boat.
One boy in our swim class is bilingual and actually talked before he walked but his speech went backward in lockdown.

Immunetypegoblin · 26/07/2021 18:05

Well she can fuck off for a start! My DS had 10 words at best aged 2.5 and blathers for England now. He just took a while to get going, and it wasn't even in a pandemic.

Ignore her and keep on with what you are doing. She is a judgemental cow.

HighNetGirth · 26/07/2021 18:34

I was a late talker, but when I did start talking, it was in full sentences! Perhaps your DS will be like me?

Your friend is being pretty unfeeling. Not everything is about what parents are doing or not doing.

And nowadays because everyone knows the age at which children generally do things, lots of them have forgotten there is enormous variety in when and how development happens in individuals.

YouokHun · 26/07/2021 18:35

I think many of us can remember the parent of a baby or very small child who mistook natural development in one area as a sign of genius or their very special parenting ability. Most of us who now have older children (adults in my case) can tell you that most of these random measures of genius have little or no correlation with later ability, character, happiness etc and these expert parents would do better to button it until their children are about 30 just in case their 50 word genius baby turns out to be a crack addicted car jacker and your child of fewer words ends up an Oxford don.

In the meantime I’d swerve her because her competitive streak is clearly not helping you and causing you upset when she is talking out of her arse. Find some non-judgemental friends who have a more open mind and a more generous spirit @clartymare

YouokHun · 26/07/2021 18:42

@Snowwhite83

Shes a cow , ignore her I hope her next child has speech delay so she can wake up to herself. A bit of a generalisation but my son is much slower with his speech than my daughter was. If you have any concerns I would still ask him to be referred. We have been waiting 18 months now for Nhs salt. Your son does sound fine though.

Yes, that’s the other point, it’s only when you have subsequent children you realise they are all so different that actually “parental input” while important, has little influence over who they essentially are and when they do things. Your friend will have cause to revisit her assumptions about child development if she has another child.

notthemum · 26/07/2021 18:45

Jesus H Christ.
Op this 'friend" of yours is not a "friend"at all. For some reason she has decided to take her frustration out on you. Maybe she wishes shè had the inclination and patience to do what you are doing with your little one. Maybe, she is being pressured by her family. Don't get into an argument over it. I certainly wouldn't engage with this, just smile and say thats great Sue at this age I often think that child led is the way to go. We need to remèmbèŕ
, All children are different !! (Every time she says it. ) Some children are good at some things and some at others. (By the way, I was a minder for nèàrly 20 years, a nanny for a few and a sitter, TA and carer for around 10.
Ýou are doing a sterling job OP. Keep going. 💐

Original poster

clartymare · 26/07/2021 18:56

oh wow thank you, I had a hectic afternoon and didn't expect to come back to many replies!

Just to answer a few posters, I read to him a lot, he loves books, so he comes into our bed in the morning and we read a few books before breakfast, usually before naptime and again before bed at night. He does watch a bit of TV but I try to limit it and it's usually max half an hour to forty minutes a day on the bad days (like when it's absolutely chucking it down or I've been unwell).

I worry sometimes I'm just talking at him rather than modelling words but will try simplifying it a bit as suggested, thank you.

I don't think he has any problem hearing (apart from the standard toddler selected hearing) as he responds to lots of different instructions or questions - like where is a specific toy, where's mummy, where's daddy etc, points to different things if we ask about them, can hear me coming down the stairs through the living room door even if I'm trying to be quiet!

I haven't known the friend for very long, I've struggled to make friends as I moved before lockdown and didn't get a chance to meet many mums. She prides herself on having a very aspirational lifestyle, is always immaculate, perfect house etc etc so there probably is an element of showing off. I don't have many people to meet during the week so I suppose I've maybe been more tolerant than I previously would have done.

OP posts:

Original poster

clartymare · 26/07/2021 18:58

I didn't know if it was too late to try makaton but I'll give it a try - he's very frustrated when he wants something so seems less inclined to try anything if that makes sense. He tends to just come out with things or try to show me what he wants if he can - like taking me to the door and banging on it if he wants to go outside or bringing me his shoes if we aren't near the door.

OP posts:

Santastealer · 26/07/2021 19:01

My now 2 year old DD has an enormous vocabulary and speaks in full sentences with the correct tenses. She had about 20 words before her first birthday and was speaking in sentences by 18 months.

My DS didn’t say a single word till 24 months. Then it was every unclear and he was still only doing 2/3 words together till 2.5 years. By 3.5 he was completely caught up and in-line with peers.

I treated them both the same.

Kids all do things at their own rates. Don’t compare, just know he will do it in his own time. He is probably working on something else right now and speech will come later!

PizzaPiePizzaPie · 26/07/2021 19:05

DD was a late talker, she’s extremely articulate now.

Polkadots2021 · 26/07/2021 19:07

@clartymare

DS is just 19 months and not really talking. He has a few words like hiya and pees for please but doesn't always use them in context. He also repeats his name and knows it means him, and is trying to repeat lots of words at the moment, but weirdly mainly difficult ones - he's constantly trying to say 'amazing' if I say it, and failing obviously! His understanding is really good, but he's in the whiny frustrated phase where he wants to communicate with us and gets cross or frustrated when he can't and won't try to use words when he's in that mood.

I was out with a friend yesterday for coffee and the park and I praised him when he tried to say 'amazing' - she commented that he doesn't really talk. I agreed and said that I'd contact the health visitor if he got nearer to 2 with no real progress and she told me it's because I'm not doing enough to nuture the skill.

I know I've got to get a thicker skin for this kind of criticism but it's really bothered me. I try a lot of things with him, the tv he watches is a talking for babies video which he loves, I try to repeat words when I'm giving him things ie do you want a banana? Mummy get you a banana, here's your banana...etc but it's struck a chord with me, maybe because I'm a bit sensitive about it anyway and know it's an area he's a bit behind in.

I think it was the way she outlined everything she has done and how her DD is his age and has 'Over 50 words' and that I just need to try a bit harder with him. It's made me feel like I'm failing him in some way!

Your friend is ignorant and you need to make that very clear to her. Some kids can speak very late for no negative reason. Some very intelligent kids speak late (Einstein, for example, due to his remarkable intelligence, spoke very late-but your friend would have misread that, of course, and instead judged Einstein's mum based on her flawed logic).

People are different and kids are different. Doesn't stop people arrogantly dispensing out crap advice that makes them feel superior, though. You're a great mum, let your kiddo speak when he feels ready. He may or may not need a little speech therapy to help him along at some time and that's fine.

LoverOfAllThingsPurple · 26/07/2021 21:21

Please don’t panic or worry. Every single child is different and are all at their own pace. You are not failure. Don’t push your boy and he will do it in his own time!!

Kanaloa · 26/07/2021 21:27

Honestly your little boy sounds like he’s doing great - it’s good that he can understand when you ask him to do something.

It’s ironic that your friend prides herself on having an aspirational lifestyle when her attitude is something nobody should aspire to. If you can I’d dump her and find better friends. Now that groups are opening up maybe you could join one with your little boy? I find it’s easier to make friends when you have kids the same age in common.

Pickapicket · 26/07/2021 22:02

What an idiot she is. Kids learn different skills at different rates. My brother was mute until the age of three, totally skipped the ‘mama’, ‘dada’ phase, spoke in complete sentences and has never looked back since!

Hodan85 · 26/07/2021 22:14

YANBU - some people (quite a few people unfortunately), like to look for and comment on things they have no business commenting on. They all develop different skills and different speeds, until he's past important milestones, you keep doing what you're doing! Our DS didn't walk or sleep through the night until 16 months+, some people liked to highlight how much quicker their children developed, we just ignored them. You'll know when is right to seek assistance if he needs it in the future

Hyppogriff · 26/07/2021 22:18

She’s a dick

PerciphonePuma · 26/07/2021 22:52

Send her this thread then walk away from her completely

Jstsaying123 · 26/07/2021 23:01

She was rude and insensitive. Just because her child talks doesn't mean she has mastered parenting... He kid may take longer to reach som other mile stone then she will learn the hard way.... Sounds like you are doing everything right with your kid, they are smart and understand what's being said and going on around them. You are right to feel a type of way about her comments. But don't sink to her level. Keep being a great parent, maybe find less competitive, know-it-all so called friends.
In summary your right and she is wrong lol!

Pollypudding · 26/07/2021 23:15

@clartymare

I didn't know if it was too late to try makaton but I'll give it a try - he's very frustrated when he wants something so seems less inclined to try anything if that makes sense. He tends to just come out with things or try to show me what he wants if he can - like taking me to the door and banging on it if he wants to go outside or bringing me his shoes if we aren't near the door.

Communication is more than just speech and these behaviours are great communication- he is getting his message across. You sound like you are doing a great job with the reading and playing. The BBC have a great website called Tiny Happy People which gives you age appropriate activities for communication and I think will reassure you about his age and stage. Enjoy your little one and don’t worry about the competitive parents! Ask your HV for advice if you are worried www.bbc.co.uk/tiny-happy-people ICAN is also good for ages and stages ican.org.uk/i-cans-talking-point/parents/ages-and-stages/

NautaOcts · 26/07/2021 23:23

Like everyone else, my first thought was ‘some friend’.