AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

[clartymare]

DS is just 19 months and not really talking. He has a few words like hiya and pees for please but doesn't always use them in context. He also repeats his name and knows it means him, and is trying to repeat lots of words at the moment, but weirdly mainly difficult ones - he's constantly trying to say 'amazing' if I say it, and failing obviously! His understanding is really good, but he's in the whiny frustrated phase where he wants to communicate with us and gets cross or frustrated when he can't and won't try to use words when he's in that mood.

I was out with a friend yesterday for coffee and the park and I praised him when he tried to say 'amazing' - she commented that he doesn't really talk. I agreed and said that I'd contact the health visitor if he got nearer to 2 with no real progress and she told me it's because I'm not doing enough to nuture the skill.

I know I've got to get a thicker skin for this kind of criticism but it's really bothered me. I try a lot of things with him, the tv he watches is a talking for babies video which he loves, I try to repeat words when I'm giving him things ie do you want a banana? Mummy get you a banana, here's your banana...etc but it's struck a chord with me, maybe because I'm a bit sensitive about it anyway and know it's an area he's a bit behind in.

I think it was the way she outlined everything she has done and how her DD is his age and has 'Over 50 words' and that I just need to try a bit harder with him. It's made me feel like I'm failing him in some way!

Shes not a friend.

That's pretty rude, but if she's a good friend, I can't imagine she meant it to make you feel bad. She's probably just one of those people that's less self-aware and feels she's being helpful. But clearly, her child isn't your child, so there's absolutely zero frame of reference for comparison.

But Either way, if you're worried, proactively seek more professional knowledge about your son's situation. Its easy to say "don't worry about it" and I'm sure that's 90 percent solid advice, but you don't want to be in that 10 percent that ignores it and wonders why they didn't do something sooner. Perhaps just speaking to the GP for a referral to SALT or an pediatric audiology unit to check his hearing/adenoids is all you need for now.
In the same way that we shouldn't jump to conclusions every time something goes wrong with our children, we shouldn't brush off perceived anomolies in their behaviour - you're the mother and so you have to go with your own gut. There are so many non-invasive programs and treatments available for children these days - and to be honest, its not going to do harm.

She's being a ridiculous bitch, and it's fine to tell her she I upsetting you and she's got a long way to go as a parent if she thinks it's all what she's doing and nothing to do with the child.

Unsolicited advice alert: if you WANT to get him going AND think he's ready from knowing your own child, giving one word instead of a sentence might help. E.g. "Banana? Banana. Yum, Banana!" That may be why he is trying to say words like "amazing" which you say on their own. That said, he'll get there in his own time whether you do that or not. It was helpful with mine when on the cusps of saying single words.

My niece hardly said any words by the time she was two and was really hard to understand until she was 3+. She is now in her 5th year of medical school! It certainly didn't hold her back!

We have a very close friend who' little girl is 2.5 and she barely says a word. She did have hearing problems and grommets were looked into but the experts have said it's now not necessary

Yesterday they came over and we would never dream of mentioning the fact she barely speaks. Our little one is four months younger and says a lot of words and I often think how hard it must be for them all

YABU - to give this daft woman the time of day. Unless you are literally locking him in the under stairs cupboard 8 hours a day, his speech development (which sounds fine btw) is nothing to do with you. If you are locking him in the cupboard, let him out.

He's still very young, neither of mine bothered till they were around 2. One of my friends youngest was nearer 3. If he's frustrated some people have found sign language like makaton can help. It worked for my eldest for things like food, drink, tired, sad etc. Children develop so differently, try to just enjoy and not spend time with the friend.

I’ve worked with kids for years, plus have 4 of my own - some speak lots by 2, some say only a few words. By preschool you can’t tell which ones were which.

Your friend sounds rude. I always find milestone bragging a bit pathetic.

she told me it's because I'm not doing enough to nuture the skill.

I'm sorry, that made me laugh out loud.

Yeah, right.

Amazing how clever spectators can be. Expect its just like the people who complain about premiership footballers missing a kick or top seeds in tennis getting knocked out.

you are going great with your DC. Your friends, not so much.

Wow no one needs a smug ‘friend’ like that!! Most babies I know didn’t have many words at all until they turned 2.

She's an idiot.

My ds didn't talk much and now he's 5 and honestly doesn't shut up.

What a cow.

Your friend was being rude, everyone develops differently. My eldest son barely spoke until he was 2, and has barely shut up since, and he’s now 15! I used to get so stressed with milestones, and compare with everyone else, please don’t get too hung up on them.

She is a cow, not a friend.
My oldest by 19 months had full blown proper conversations, he’s top of his class for reading skills, mathematically gifted and hit all of his milestones at least 6 months early. For example he potty trained himself in 2 days by the time he was 18 months.
My second however, was proper lazy, couldn’t be arsed. He is now 3, can’t hold a pen properly, speaks with a lisp and only recently potty trained.
All children are different and develop at different rates, milestones are great for spotting if there’s issues, but they’re so general it’s impossible!
Ditch the friend and get some decent ones!

Not unreasonable to be upset. If you are talking around your son and modelling words then it's nothing to do with you that he's not talking much yet! Your friend should stop comparing and judging.

If it helps, my DS had just a couple of words at 2 years old. Now, at 2.5 he's got more and is copying more, but often just me and DH can understand him as it's not always the whole word etc.

Look into Makaton (or baby signing) and learn the signs for his favourite foods and common things in his world. It's great that even though my son can't say "toast", he can do the sign and I know what he wants! Stops him getting too frustrated.

Please ignore this woman's drivel.

She sounds very thoughtless (and he sounds fine!)

I have 2 sons. Ds1 barely said 3 words by the age of 2. His speech was always a good 6-9 months where it ought to be. I did everything I could to help improve it and I felt very upset and defensive when people would suggest I needed to talk to him more or read to him more. I spoke to him all day, narrated everything, read to him and did flash cards. I still felt bad.

Ds2 came along and I raised him in the same way. His speech has always been ridiculously advanced. He was talking in full sentences at 14 months. I did nothing differently. It was only then I realised I had very little to do with how their speech was. It was just how there were.

Id just reply 'comparison is the of Joy' and change the subject. If it continued, id just phase her out. With toddler speech there is a huge range of normal. My eldest didn't utter a word until 2.5 where he started speaking in sentences within a week. My other 2 slowly slowly began words before 1 and were speaking well by 2.

I hate people like that. Dtds didn’t speak until 2 but at 9 they are articulate and never shut up. Dd1 never did much speaking until suddenly she just started saying full sentences with long words (very strange but hilarious). They are all different. Your ds sounds on track so ignore the friend. Mil thinks dh was potty trained at 9 months… I’m dubious.

Our DS said his first 'proper' word around 18 months - he pointed to a book and said what the picture was of. Then they came thick and fast.

He was a bottom shuffler and didn't walk until he was 2 years old.

He had a reading age of 12 at 6 years old, was in the top 5 in his eleven plus at his school and is on track (at the moment) for 7, 8 and 9 in his O levels.

So spot the slow walker/talker in his crowd....

Tell her you won't be seeing her again.
You will be at home nurturing your ds...
She is a twat.

How nasty of her.

The competitive parenting of babies is so silly, it will make her cringe in hindsight

I had a fast talker, and a slow talker. Both did well at school

The slow talker did not speak more than 3words (ma! Da! No!) until he was 24 months

She needs to stop winding you up

She's unkind and your ds is so tiny.
Why would anyone brag about their own child after criticising yours and your parenting. Nope. I wouldn't meet again. Or have it out with her after a cooling off period.

He isn’t even behind in my book. My eldest was talking properly before 2 but my younger one didn’t talk in sentences or clearly until 3. Kids are different and he’s trying so it’s not like he’s not talking at all. Tell your friend to fuck off.