AIBU to feel a bit upset by this?

[clartymare]

DS is just 19 months and not really talking. He has a few words like hiya and pees for please but doesn't always use them in context. He also repeats his name and knows it means him, and is trying to repeat lots of words at the moment, but weirdly mainly difficult ones - he's constantly trying to say 'amazing' if I say it, and failing obviously! His understanding is really good, but he's in the whiny frustrated phase where he wants to communicate with us and gets cross or frustrated when he can't and won't try to use words when he's in that mood.

I was out with a friend yesterday for coffee and the park and I praised him when he tried to say 'amazing' - she commented that he doesn't really talk. I agreed and said that I'd contact the health visitor if he got nearer to 2 with no real progress and she told me it's because I'm not doing enough to nuture the skill.

I know I've got to get a thicker skin for this kind of criticism but it's really bothered me. I try a lot of things with him, the tv he watches is a talking for babies video which he loves, I try to repeat words when I'm giving him things ie do you want a banana? Mummy get you a banana, here's your banana...etc but it's struck a chord with me, maybe because I'm a bit sensitive about it anyway and know it's an area he's a bit behind in.

I think it was the way she outlined everything she has done and how her DD is his age and has 'Over 50 words' and that I just need to try a bit harder with him. It's made me feel like I'm failing him in some way!

I had the same. Mine had problems with speech and language which were possibly indicative of a wider issue. It's is not your fault and your friend is ignorant to suggest that and possibly unkind, too

Teacher of the deaf here. Don't rule out getting his hearing checked - a small loss can impact speech.
And definitely go for baby signing. There are some lovely books out there - check out the My First Signs series. Usborne I think.

Not sure what she expects from a 19 month old.......

You'll find he can do thjngs her child can't - they grow at different phases in physical and mental milestones.

My DD literally said shoe and a few other words at 2 years 3 months when my HV checked her, she told me she was fine and by 2.5 years she would be fine - she wasn't quite, but by 3 I couldn't shut her up lol - she's 12 now and you'd never know.
One of my beat friends children didn't even walk til he was 23 months old - he's 16 and also perfect
Your friend is playing mummy Olympics - ignore her

Thank you for all the advice, very very helpful.
With the hearing check - I didn't think it was necessary because he clearly hears so well? Is it easy to miss? He responds to a lot of questions, does actions to songs (ie if you're happy and you know it) even if we aren't doing them...
The fact he hears me through two doors coming down the stairs has reassured me as well, but would it still be worth getting him checked?

With baby signing, I've got some books but I'm not sure on how to start with him, when I do the signs and say the words he watches intently then laughs but doesn't make any effort to try and mimic the sign, if you see what I mean.

He tends to repeat words more than he uses them independently aside from one that he uses a lot and generally in context, and definitely independently. He also makes noises for certain things even though they aren't words and would generally be random jabber to most people. Not to mention the squawking noise (not my favourite) which means pick me up or I want to get out

I think I'm putting up with it a bit because I don't have hardly any friends here as I said, but I'm hoping to do groups and things soon so will potentially meet more people - I do find it hard though! He's at an age where he's constantly zipping around so there isn't much time to strike up a conversation

I've just had a thought - he still has a dummy but only for naptime and nighttime (and most of the time he uses it to soothe himself to sleep then spits it out while asleep) and still has a bottle at bedtime because he point blank refuses any other kind of cup at bedtime, could this be slowing him down?
I'm trying to wean him off the bottle at the moment so am trying different types of cup for bedtime milk - he's contrary as he will use them during the day but not for bedtime milk!

My ds had a sort of gutteral low groan (for want of a better description) that (between he and I) meant big/fat.
I was in the supermarket with him in the kiddy seat of the trolley, when we went past an obese man doing his shopping. DS sees him, the man was unusually large, he does his groan. Unfortunately, our route up and down the aisles kept coinciding with this man, and so ds kept saying in his unique way 'that man is big!'. I had never been so glad for DS's delayed language development as I was that day, because I was the only person who knew that he was basically saying 'fat man'! 😳🤭
So, you know, this will all just be a funny story one day. Keep going and ignore your friend, some people just have to feel superior sadly.

If his dummy is only for sleep I wouldn't think it would make any difference, it's kids who never have it out of their mouths who are affected by that. Honestly he is within the bounds of perfectly normal and you read to him, limit his screen time so he can interact with you, so you're doing everything you need to, it's just not languages turn for that explosive development for him just yet.

Don't forget that language is split into two distinct camps - received language and production. My ds who didn't talk in sentences until he was 2.5yo is to this day an excellent listener. He was taking it all in, just not saying much himself. Now, aged 11 he is such a good listener, he pays great attention, is lovely to talk to and takes information in by listening so well. Compare that to some children who are great at production, chatter endlessly, but are completely awful at listening, never pay attention to anything said unless you really make them stop in their tracks to take it in and have terrible verbal reasoning skills. So, language isn't just talking, it goes the other way too, and good listeners are far rarer and of great value I find

Agree with othets, that woman is a PITA, so be very wary.
Use her until you have more friends, then ditch.
But don't pay an ounce of attention to her, she hasn't a clue.

19 months is very young.
4 children here and they all had speech therapy🙄to varing degrees.

After the first we we advised to get a packet of plastic farm animals, as many as you can and several times a day go through the different sounds with him to practice.

Takes a few minutes, is lots of fun and mine loved it.
So cat,dog,chicken,duck,cow, horse,sheep,donkey, geese etc. and any others you can find.

They sounds are the ground work of speaking.

All of mine are absolutely fine now.

For the signing just keep doing it. When you want to use a word you have a sign for just say the word as you would normally then also do the sign. That way he will eventually have the sign himself if he wants to use the word without saying it.

Hearing is quite complex and not flat. I have children with significant hearing loss whose parents insisted at first they didn't have a loss because they always turned to their name or heard a packet of crisps being opened in the next room.
He could have a high frequency loss for example, which would mean he could hear the shape of words but be missing some specific sounds. So it's worth a check.

Of course having said that, his hearing might be fine. Worth asking that GP about a referral though.

My sister didn't say a word until she was 3 (and not til 5 to strangers).
She immediately started speaking in complete and correct sentences.

A dummy is nothing to worry about for that amount of time.

Re the hearing for my ds I didn't realise he had a problem till a hearing test was required for something else. Felt terrible. As an eg, if the tv is on, and you are not facing each other and you talk normally is there a response consistently?

She probably means well but is unfortunately very rude! Some people can’t help but show how wonderful they are when another person is struggling.

My first dc walked and talked late. I spent every day with him tying and trying. My second walked and talked very early no did. I did much with him because I had two to care for.

They’re all different and get there in their own time. It will happen just give him time. I also wouldn’t confide if your “friend” if she make you feel bad

She said it to upset you and make herself feel smug.
Ridiculous, hurtful and ignorant comment.
Keep up what you're doing and don't take advice seriously from another mother who has no idea what she's talking about

Is she a linguistic specialist?

She's an arse.

Some kids actually develop full sentences mentally before actually using them and speaking.
It's a personality type.
One of mine didn't say a single word before she was 3! She hasn't been quiet since!
She went straight to full, complex sentences but even if she hadn't, it is not an issue. I've studied this stuff.

Your friend was trying to upset you on some level and being an arse. Ditch her.

What a load of crap. All she's shown is that she's a show off, insensitive and knows naff all about child development. Children all learn to speak at different rates and your son sounds like he's doing fine! My eldest spoke in full sentences by 2, but my third is 26 months and only says a few single words. Your friend is a dick.

I had a neighbour like that. My eldest dd was around two when she said “she doesn’t talk much, at that age mine were talking much more”. She said it with a toss of her head as if it was my fault. I remember being quite upset by her remark and the way she said it. If it’s any comfort my dd soon acquired the normal expected speech behaviour and grew up to be the most academic person in the family acquiring degrees and masters as well as other qualifications. So relax. Just talk to her and she will absorb it like a sponge. Children develop at different speeds and in different ways. Along with speech is a gradual understanding of the world around them and the gaining of concepts of the words and their context. You are doing a grand job and in the right way.

Don't apologise for being sensitive! It's a lovely trait and will mean you never say crap like that to other mums! Every child is different, don't let her get you down mama! xx

YANBU. Your friend sounds silly. My DD is the same age and sounds pretty similar to your son. It isn’t a race to get your child talking or walking at the earliest age possible. I’d just keep on as you are. Personally I’ve decided I’m not getting involved in this type of competitive parenting.

I love that he wants to say ‘amazing’.

He is well within the normal limits OP. They all have spurts in different kinds of development at different times. Boys often hang back a bit more on speech.

I had a ridiculously early talker. People used to do a double take. By 4 there was no difference whatsoever between those that spoke in complex sentences at 18m (mine) and ones that left words until they were 2.

Thank you! I didn't realise people were still posting on this thread, sorry I've not been back to it for a while. I've ditched the 'friend' now. I've got another thread asking about weight as DS was recently having some tests done and got weighed - consultant said he was a great sturdy boy, checked his height as well and didn't comment on anything to do with his weight, neither did the doctor or nurse we saw. I plotted it on the chart when we got back just to see and he's heavier than he 'should be' and higher in percentiles for weight than height, stupidly told the same friend and she told me he's greedy and that I'm feeding him crap (I cook homemade, I've checked portion sizes online and that's what I'm giving him, so I don't think that part is true) and that the reason her DC is 'perfect range' is because she is very careful about what he eats and doesn't let him eat too much even when he wants to. All in a smug tone. I realised that actually, I might not have mum friends apart from her and one other but I can do without if that's what it's going to be like.

It made me really really worry about his weight (13.2kg) so I phoned my GP because his height is only average and he basically told me he's fine and probably due to shoot up any moment.

DH pointed out that every time I see said friend I come home upset about something so it seemed the best thing to do...

My DS was barely talking in October. He was 20 months old then and had always been very communicative in other ways. He just seemed to not want to talk.

Since around February he has not stopped talking. Health visitor said it's very common since lockdown. Many, many children of this age aren't where they should be for speech but are catching up ok eventually.

It's nothing to do with how much time we're spending with them, and I don't know exactly what the cause is because in our case DS has 2 older siblings, we've had a support bubble and childcare bubble, and people popping by to chat from the end of the garden path. I work full time, so probably wouldn't have been out and about at toddler sessions etc anyway. Who knows.

But yes, you're not alone and I doubt you're doing anything wrong. Just give it a bit more time.

My older children also shoot up before they fill out, so they were often flagged as being underweight. Then obviously a month or 2 later they were fine again... Sounds like your DS has been developing physically, will shoot up, and then he'll probably crack on with developing speech. One step at a time, they can't do it all at once.

Your friend is comparing because she's insecure in her own parenting. Start lowering contact. You just don't need that vibe and negativity in your life, trust me. Next it will be competitive potty training, reading levels, how popular they are at school etc etc. SNORE.

Thank you @ShinyBeans I felt truly terrible about his weight until DH pointed out that if a consultant, nurse and doctor hadn't raised a concern with me, then why was I listening to my friend? He's heavy, don't get me wrong, and a squish, but not fat by any means. His Dad is 6 foot 2 so even though he's average height at the moment I think everyone is expecting him to shoot up at some point!

The speech is already evolving - lots of new sounds, lots of constant babbling now mixed in with trying his hands at words. He's also working on the actions to some nursery rhymes and started imaginary play so I think he has a lot going on at the moment!

Your friend sounds insufferable!