Mixing with deprived children?

[Thisneedsachange]

I’ve changed my name for this but long term mumsnetter. I had a very sheltered but working class background, but mum was a social worker so I was sent to holiday clubs where she was working - with children from very deprived backgrounds and on child protection plans. My life experiences changed when I got a scholarship to private school and it’s been a middle class bubble since then - but I think those early exposures to how tough life can be for some gas the making of me. It’s made me more compassionate, more politically aware and I’ve volunteered since a teen working with deprived children.
My own 5 year old daughter has a very sheltered existence and so I’m thinking of sending her to a free church holiday club at the church I grew up with for a week this summer. It’s free because it’s a very deprived ward. We do have one friend who will go so she will be fine. As a child some things I was exposed to in these schemes aimed at deprived children really shocked me - bad language, bad behaviour, unhappy families..but by my teens I understood what was going on.
Am I unwise to consider this?
I contribute to the funds (although we don’t worship there as not Christian) so not concerned about taking financial advantage, just wondering if I should wait until my daughter is older to have these experiences?

*In

Hahaha this is Mumsnet gold!!!!

@Thisneedsachange

Her school life is a very privileged bubble and whilst we have family friends from my working class background her experiences are so far removed from their children - I want her to see how privileged she is

If your child is at fee-paying school you're an almighty hypocrite.

No point in moaning about social injustices if you're just perpetuating them yourself.

@shouldistop It has made me feel that way too.

I would say don’t go out of your way to engineer this - it’s just downright bizarre although probably with good intentions - my own family is a mix of aristocracy and working class and we have always lived in social housing - I dgaf who my kids mix with as long as they are decent and respectful - I would never actively seek out specific groups - ffs - my daughter’s boyfriend’s Dad went to Radley and his Mum grew up in care - they are of the same opinion - this country is so wound up in class bullshit :/

What the fuck is wrong with people. This is like the tours the middle class Victorian’s did round the slums.

Her school life is a very privileged bubble

Why not send her to a less 'privileged' (does that mean private?) school then, if you're so keen for her to see life outside of that bubble? For senior school, too?

It's all he said above, but this is so patronising

@Glitteryone

Hahaha this is Mumsnet gold!!!!

MN BS more like 😂

"we have family friends from my working class background her experiences are so far removed from their children - I want her to see how privileged she is"

Sorry to quote you but that's so ridiculous. Working class does not equal poor. I'm working class, fair enough, went to uni and did alright with this and that but I'm not poor, far from it. You'd maybe cringe how I say my vowels but whatever. I say those vowels in 3 languages because I never let being working class be a fault or an embarrasment and I make my way in the world. I enjoy telling the uni students I teach about working class stuff from the 80's (when relevant), they find it fun/ fascinating. Some students have also fun stories on this topic, because they are also (shock horror) working class. We aren't devils! We aren't dirty, and we won't corrupt your children

Working class means you work for your money. It doesn't mean you are some sort of poverty case.

Just think... People this tone deaf are actually governing us. No wonder we're so fucked.

OP, I think you are getting a very hard time here and I also get what you are trying to say and achieve. I think one of the best ways of doing this is just too challenge every connect our children make that sounds judgemental. Words like chav and Sharon and anything that is considered derogatory. If kids at school are behaving badly, take time to explain that there may be reasons for this other than just being naughty. Yeah them to be compassionate and to look out for those at school who have no one to play with. Kids learn from how their parents treat people and talk about people. As she gets old enough to join in more with your charities, she will continue to learn. Re holiday club, if it is not oversubscribed, why not if she would enjoy going but at the age of 5 she is unlikely to be hearing the life stories of all the kids so will probably not think anything of it.

Me, my kids, my neighbours, their kids - we are NOT a learning opportunity for your child.

We are human beings not animals in a cage.

I swear I don’t know what has happened to this place in the last day or two.

I don't understand why you want your daughter to see how privileged she is, isn't this likely to build a sense of entitlement like you see in many of the top public schools?

How do you think you’re going to make all the other kids feel with your oh so privileged daughter there?

Maybe you should volunteer there, sounds like you could benefit from realising your own privilege if you seriously think your daughter should ‘mix with deprived children’ to teach her about her privilege.

Honestly, you sound totally in a bubble yourself. How do you think these deprived kids will behave that will teach your daughter so much? You want to watch out or she’ll turn into exactly the type of person who persists in telling you how lovely they are because they spent their gap year building gazebos for impoverished orphan goat herder children.

I'm baffled by this, us low income families like myself are not here to be paraded around like zoo animals to give the rich kids a life lesson 🤨

Teach her yourself.

Jesus wept 🤦🏻‍♀️

This is so so offensive. Mind bogglingly so.

I am sure lots of people on this thread are privileged but while spending money on a nice house, and car etc are sending their children to a free school so that they mix with children who have far less - and they would also give this as a reason perhaps.

What justifies the vitriolic answers to the OP?

Why not just explain?

She's 5! She has plenty of tome to learn about the real world, and even more time for the real world to bite her in the ass.

Dipping her toe in the "deprivation" pool for a week, in a fairly safe and sheltered environment with kids playing and running around together won't achieve your goal. It's very silly to think you would, and it makes it sound more like a box ticking exercise rather than a long term life lesson.

Back to the drawing board for you. In the mean time keep doing what you are doing, lead by example and involve her in an age appropriate way in your other endeavours.

You do realise that a church holiday club's activities will be centred around bible stories, don't you? If you're not Christian, are you comfortable with that?

I live in an ex council house @ScrollingLeaves. In one of the most deprived areas in the country.

I grew up dirt poor and I was dirt poor and on benefits. Most of my neighbours still are.

I’m not a learning opportunity.

What this really demonstrates is privileged people's sheer inability to view anyone as anything other than their wealth or status.

OP literally thinks that poor/working class/deprived people are 'other'.

This goes to the root of why private school is so pernicious. It destroys empathy.

@Bagamoyo1 oh no no, op can also take the child on a homeless persons sightseeing tour to "show her how privileged she is". If OP really cared she could set up home in a not-so-"affluent " area and sent her to a "deprived " school. But no let's hold onto and maintain our economic privilege and treat the "deprived" like a science project.

You sound like a deeply kind person who spends a lot of time working for the good of others. Carry on, let your daughter tag along when she can. Her awareness will grow naturally, trust her intelligence. Who knows she may continue with your good work. Some sort of forced situation is wrong on the many levels already explained to you here.