to ask how do working parents fit in lots of extra curricular activities?

[Musication]

We've recently moved back to the UK and my DC have joined a very nice local primary school where their classmates are very busy with extra-curricular activities after school and at weekends. Just yesterday one mum was telling me between her 2 DC they have just one evening a week which doesn't have activities. My DC (age 6 & 8) used to go to an international school where pretty much everything they did was part of the school day including CCA clubs.

My DH and I both start full time work soon and I will be out the house for work, my DH partly at an office and partly at home. On his days at home he will collect them from school but will need to bring them home and carry on working while they play/eat.

Since they've started school they've both asked if they can do lots of things in September- brownies/karate/dancing/horse riding/netball etc etc. I'd love them to do it but my research tells me all this stuff seems to start early evening - by the time I'm back from work, they've done reading and homework, eaten something, I don't see how this can all fit in. DD already joined a competitive swim club who train 2-3 evening a week (after 7pm) and me and DH are able to take her to these sessions because they're a bit later. But otherwise, how do you make all this happen around the school day and around work?! Do you just have to make them choose? I've managed to find a karate class for DS on a Saturday morning but most things seem to start between 4-6pm on a weekday which is tricky for us. I think extra stuff is fabulous and I want my DC to have every opportunity but I'm just not sure how everyone does this, particularly with more than one DC.

DD only did one on my day off and then swimming on Saturday morning.

It changed when she got slightly older (8) and start times moved to 5-6 pm and DH stopped working a day earlier to do the run.

She is now 14 and all her activities are after 6pm, some even later.

I would just wait it out, look for one or two you can do later and that's it. Activities are good for them to develop hobbies but they don't have to do 5 different things at that age.

I wouldn't start relying on other parents, too much pressure and obligations. We often car shared with one friend but that was always under the view of "no pressure if you can't do it".

@Jailbreak42 and others with your snippy responses - why bother to respond if you’re not going to say anything that’s actually helpful to the OP?

OP I was going to say that the way we manage this is by flexing work hours but if you’re a teacher on SLT that’s not going to work for you.
I work in a senior role on the city but 4 days a week so I leave early 2-3 times a week to fit all this stuff in. (Also work in the evenings to catch up )
I would take it easy with the clubs if your DD is competitive swimming. Mine do competitive sports and one does a lot of music related activities and it has been difficult to fit everything in. My one tip is try to organise stuff where the teacher comes to you especially if it’s music lessons, or as others have said Zoom can be really effective for some things.
Other than that if you look further afield you will find what you need on the weekends.
Remember things change with young DC every academic year so just as you’ve got used to one routine it all changes again.
Mine are tweens now and so much of their stuff is after 6pm.

My DC were limited to school clubs Mon-Fri (and I signed them up for everything! ). They did swimming and sports/dance at the weekends.

ranty if you search threads on here you will find some very strong opinions from rainbow/guide/scout leaders re parent participation (particularly when it comes to camping etc). Ours was low key but you were put in a supervision rota twice a term - I found this off-putting as it had not been clear this was expected at the outset.

we limited clubs to one sport and one musical instrument each and arranged it for providers that would puck up from school.

now dc are old enough they get themselves to their activities and home.

@Phineyj

ranty if you search threads on here you will find some very strong opinions from rainbow/guide/scout leaders re parent participation (particularly when it comes to camping etc). Ours was low key but you were put in a supervision rota twice a term - I found this off-putting as it had not been clear this was expected at the outset.

Thank goodness that's not a thing in our units 😅

I couldn't ever do anything with mine, it's part of the reason I've left teaching. Round here I was in a very small minority working a proper full time 7.30 - 6, many parents will say they work full time when what they mean is they do some hours every day and finish at 3 or 4 sometimes. That's where I am now, yay

@Phineyj

ranty if you search threads on here you will find some very strong opinions from rainbow/guide/scout leaders re parent participation (particularly when it comes to camping etc). Ours was low key but you were put in a supervision rota twice a term - I found this off-putting as it had not been clear this was expected at the outset.

I hate this. I do understand it, DH is on the scout executive committee and I know how tight it is to get enough adults together. But they decided against a mandatory rota as it would just create problems with parents with several children, no childcare as the other parent may work shifts or late.

DD’s Brownie unit introduced one just when she left, I would have had to pull her out as a) they didn’t want dads helping as it was supposed to be a safe place for girls only and b) I wouldn’t have been back in time from work for the meeting start.

many parents will say they work full time when what they mean is they do some hours every day and finish at 3 or 4 sometimes.

That can still be working full time. Full time is about 38/40 hours a week upwards. So you can easily work full time and finish at 3 or 4 some days a week if the work you do is flexible. It doesn't mean they dont work proper full time 🤔

I'm out of the house from 7am til 5.30/6pm four days a week (with Fridays off), DH works FT from home and doesn't finish until 5.30/6pm, we have a preschooler and DD(7). Since the school stopped running after-school clubs due to covid, activities in the week don't really happen. I could potentially facilitate something after-school on Fridays but DD likes to have her friends from school round for playdates and I think this is just as important. She does have a music lesson one evening a week, which DH takes her to after he finishes work and swimming on a Saturday morning. Sometimes I feel guilty because she has friends who are literally at a different activity every evening, but then I remind myself that she is a happy little girl, has lots of interests and is doing really well at school so why does it matter?

I enquired about Cubs for DS actually in a few local packs. I only got 'no chance of him getting a place unless you can volunteer then he gets bumped up the list' replies so this is a no activity I guess!

DDs school used to run clubs after school, so she'd do those and then go to the wrap around care provided at an adjoining building (they would come and collect) and then I'd pick her up at 6. I realise we were very lucky to have all this on the school site, but if it hadn't been available then DD would not have gone to anything during the week as I'm a single parent and work full time with no support.

On parent participation in Cubs/Brownies etc, we always ask for volunteers as leaders which does lift the DCs up the entry list.

But we also ask for all parents to help out in a couple of ways.

As we are very short on leaders, we invite families to join us in hikes - which means that a couple of extra parents bring us up to what we need for supervision purposes - mostly they just enjoy the walk but if something happens, they can help watch the main group while 2 of us sort the issue. (We only have 3 leaders and need 5 adults to take the group outdoors).

And we also ask for 2 to be "on deck" for boating sessions - we only have about 10 a year either side of summer holidays, but if we need 1 Leader on shore to spot problems and open Den for toilets etc, then the 2 on water are barely adequate safety and can't do any teaching. So we ask for 1 spotter on shore and 1 to cover opening Den, provide them with a VHF each and tea/coffee/biscuits, and only ask that each family does it once for the 2 hour session. There are a few who do a lot of helping boats in and out of water, and some who do a few weeks shore duty - but a core handful who never give any help at all. We don't treat those Cubs any different, but it does mean we have less energy and inclination to do any extra activities etc. As it is quite a lot of work to run a Cub pack, especially in Covid times when you have to do huge amounts of extra prep and paperwork, run each session twice to keep groups small, and do everything outdoors or online.

So the more people that are involved as adults - allowing tasks to be shared out and everyone has less to do individually, then the more fun everyone has.

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn

DDs school used to run clubs after school, so she'd do those and then go to the wrap around care provided at an adjoining building (they would come and collect) and then I'd pick her up at 6. I realise we were very lucky to have all this on the school site, but if it hadn't been available then DD would not have gone to anything during the week as I'm a single parent and work full time with no support.

We did this too (private school though) but not every day.

@BiddyPop

On parent participation in Cubs/Brownies etc, we always ask for volunteers as leaders which does lift the DCs up the entry list.

But we also ask for all parents to help out in a couple of ways.

As we are very short on leaders, we invite families to join us in hikes - which means that a couple of extra parents bring us up to what we need for supervision purposes - mostly they just enjoy the walk but if something happens, they can help watch the main group while 2 of us sort the issue. (We only have 3 leaders and need 5 adults to take the group outdoors).

And we also ask for 2 to be "on deck" for boating sessions - we only have about 10 a year either side of summer holidays, but if we need 1 Leader on shore to spot problems and open Den for toilets etc, then the 2 on water are barely adequate safety and can't do any teaching. So we ask for 1 spotter on shore and 1 to cover opening Den, provide them with a VHF each and tea/coffee/biscuits, and only ask that each family does it once for the 2 hour session. There are a few who do a lot of helping boats in and out of water, and some who do a few weeks shore duty - but a core handful who never give any help at all. We don't treat those Cubs any different, but it does mean we have less energy and inclination to do any extra activities etc. As it is quite a lot of work to run a Cub pack, especially in Covid times when you have to do huge amounts of extra prep and paperwork, run each session twice to keep groups small, and do everything outdoors or online.

So the more people that are involved as adults - allowing tasks to be shared out and everyone has less to do individually, then the more fun everyone has.

I totally understand. I just can't commit to any helping out until I'm in the swing of my job and how our week pans out. Cubs seems to be a very oversubscribed activity where we are and as I can't volunteer he won't be able to do it.

No school based clubs here even before COVID. I work 7 long days a fortnight so I can do pickups on club nights. Some stuff is in the evening. Cubs etc but football, swimming and ballet is all in the awkward 4pm ish slot

That's frustrating OP. Makes me realise how luck we are. As my son's school they do clubs at the school after it finishes, which is really helpful. He also plays football Saturday and Sunday, which I hate 😂😂.

If you don't join in your child will end up on crack and you won't be able to do humble-brags about how exhausted you are all the time because of your 'busy busy!' life
Ha, literally the opposite for two families I know who were very pushy about their dc doing every kind of extra curricular activity. They’ve ended up with their young adult child in jail, so it obviously did them a lot of good!

But I do appreciate that isn’t The norm for those parents pushing their dc to do a different activity every night.

I’ve had to pull back from one friend as all she does is moan about how she is go to get child from brownies, to cubs, to swimming, to maths club, to choir etc, etc, etc. Too many conversations were centred about how much of a pain it is to be a personal chauffeur and How on Earth they could fit in extra multi sports chess club after school. any suggestions of maybe not doing too much were met with wondering how any child would turn out well if they aren’t offered these life changing opportunities.
Honestly op, don’t sweat it. 3 nights at competitive swimming seems quite enough to be dealing with. Your child needs down time to chill as much as she needs anything else.

If both parents work full time it’s v difficult. We opted for part time for both (meaning school fees not possible) which meant could do some clubs or, just as importantly play dates. As they get older clubs get later and often take over the whole weekend. We are willing to do that (topping up state school provision). After school nannies are like hen’s teeth round here and difficult to find someone unreliable.

Would add that wfh due to Covid has helped massively, especially when you can leave them at activities and then go back to work!

you can easily work full time and finish at 3 or 4 some days a week if the work you do is flexible.

The OP is a teacher - a profession I've just left because it wasn't flexible enough to raise 4 children and work at full time. Not sure how helpful your comment is.

We deliberately picked a school that had a very good selection of before and after school clubs from various external companies. The only extra club they have is at the local cricket club, where most of the school go anyway, and horse riding.

I teach full time in a leadership position so my week in term time is hectic. DH does a small amount of work part time but does all school pick up and drop off.

Our 7 year old currently does beavers on Tuesday's which I take him to as it's 6pm-7pm and swimming on Thursday which DH takes him to as it starts at 4pm which is tricky for me.

We find that's enough activities because he also has reading/spellings/maths each week.

He loves both activities but I don't think he would want to do more. He enjoys time to just chill at home and play which I think is very important for children. I'm not convinced that scheduling every evening/weekend is a good thing but each to their own.

The OP is a teacher - a profession I've just left because it wasn't flexible enough to raise 4 children and work at full time. Not sure how helpful your comment is.

My comment was in answer to another poster who was saying you didn't work proper full time unless you started at 7;30 and finished at 6. My point was many people do work 'proper' full time and can still finish early if they are in a flexible job.

We also have after school help - a babysitter that drives DC to clubs and back. Some clubs are also after school so that helps too and lady picks DC up from those.