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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask how do working parents fit in lots of extra curricular activities?

87 replies

Musication · 23/07/2021 10:48

We've recently moved back to the UK and my DC have joined a very nice local primary school where their classmates are very busy with extra-curricular activities after school and at weekends. Just yesterday one mum was telling me between her 2 DC they have just one evening a week which doesn't have activities. My DC (age 6 & 8) used to go to an international school where pretty much everything they did was part of the school day including CCA clubs.

My DH and I both start full time work soon and I will be out the house for work, my DH partly at an office and partly at home. On his days at home he will collect them from school but will need to bring them home and carry on working while they play/eat.

Since they've started school they've both asked if they can do lots of things in September- brownies/karate/dancing/horse riding/netball etc etc. I'd love them to do it but my research tells me all this stuff seems to start early evening - by the time I'm back from work, they've done reading and homework, eaten something, I don't see how this can all fit in. DD already joined a competitive swim club who train 2-3 evening a week (after 7pm) and me and DH are able to take her to these sessions because they're a bit later. But otherwise, how do you make all this happen around the school day and around work?! Do you just have to make them choose? I've managed to find a karate class for DS on a Saturday morning but most things seem to start between 4-6pm on a weekday which is tricky for us. I think extra stuff is fabulous and I want my DC to have every opportunity but I'm just not sure how everyone does this, particularly with more than one DC.

OP posts:

InvincibleInvisibility · 23/07/2021 10:53

Where I am its a "nanny" that takes them. Ie the person who looks after the DC after school until the parents get back.

I don't work Wednesdays so they do 2 clubs then. Nanny takes 1 DS to judo Friday 6pm and I take DS2 swimming. Other club = Saturday or linchtime at school

millymollymoomoo · 23/07/2021 10:55

Me and dh always worked full time
Kids did ( and do) lots of activities - evenings and weekends. Often between 6-8 times in evenings ( not everyday each) but agree a lot of things are between 4-6 and we just couldn’t do those
At that age homework shouldn’t take long and read before bed

NakedAttraction · 23/07/2021 10:59

Would you be able to afford an after school nanny a couple of evenings a week, with their main role to be taking them to activities? Availability might depend on whereabouts you are based, but for example in London there is a growing market of students looking for after school nannying work. Added bonus is they maybe able to cover some of the school holidays for you.

Original poster

Musication · 23/07/2021 11:00

Thank you. I'm used to them (the older one anyway) having quite a heavy homework schedule but it was a fairly academic international school and now they are at a local primary so perhaps it'll just be spellings/reading. I think I will just have to keep my eye out for stuff from 6pm onwards.

OP posts:

Original poster

Musication · 23/07/2021 11:02

@NakedAttraction

I hadn't thought of anything like this but yes I could probably afford do to this once or twice a week. Unfortunately I'm not in a city - we've moved to a countryside town which is nice but a lot less convenient than the metropolis Asian city we've just moved from! Their school is lovely but I'm kind of wishing I'd stretched for an independent school where all this is included now. So expensive here though.

OP posts:

AlexaIWillNeverSayDucking · 23/07/2021 11:08

Are you able to either pick up or drop off? A lot of people lift share to the activities, so once you are settled it would be easier to ask the class "does anyone go to Karate on Tuesday at 5?" and when you find out who, you send them a private message about lift sharing. DH might even find it easier if he can pop them in somewhere after collecting them from school, have a bit more time to work and the lift sharer brings them back a bit later.

It all becomes easier once you know your local community.

Original poster

Musication · 23/07/2021 11:13

@AlexaIWillNeverSayDucking

It all becomes easier once you know your local community.

Thank you - yes there will be times when I could do this - particularly a pick up. I think you're right, knowing the local community will help. We haven't been back for very long at all so only just getting to know a few faces.

OP posts:

sirfredfredgeorge · 23/07/2021 11:18

I think most people don't give their 8 years a
heavy homework schedule

I'm a bit surprised by the number of "clubs" which are 4 til 6 and aren't childcare (with appropriate organised link to the schools so there is someone who can collect/deliver).

The clubs here are generally evening, and you just drop 'em off and do something while you wait - which is by the time it's an hour gives you plenty of time to go for a run, or do some shopping or whatever

Soverymuchfruit · 23/07/2021 11:25

When I was a kid I did a lot of extra curricular stuff because my parents worked full time.

If between you you're having to do school gate pick-ups anyway, doesn't it make it easier for you to take them to nearby activity and then eg finish off the day's email while they do it?

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 23/07/2021 11:32

We had a lovely lady who helped after school.
She picked them up and gave them snacks and took them to clubs or the park and them home to do homework.
She was a local lady who's children were grown up and just wanted a part time job.
She stayed with us till they were 14 and able to be left to get on with it.
She then started with another local family.
I would of kept her here forever.
She was a lovely lady and made our life's run so much more smoothly.

Original poster

Musication · 23/07/2021 11:42

@sirfredfredgeorge

I think most people don't give their 8 years a heavy homework schedule

I'm a bit surprised by the number of "clubs" which are 4 til 6 and aren't childcare (with appropriate organised link to the schools so there is someone who can collect/deliver).

I didn't give her a heavy homework schedule - her school did! Maybe it's surprising for you but lots of clubs do appear to start between 4 and 6 here, particularly for my younger child.

OP posts:

impatientwatcher · 23/07/2021 11:59

Either sign them up for school based clubs (there may be more in September if they don't have to be in strict year group bubbles), hire a nanny, or cut/flex your work hours. Or just plan all the activities for the weekend.

dameofdilemma · 23/07/2021 12:07

We either did school based clubs (when they existed pre Covid) or had an after school nanny who took dd to out of school clubs.

Now that there are no school based clubs and the nanny can no longer do that job, dd only does cubs on a Friday (as I don’t work that day) and weekend swimming. Nothing else on a weekday is achievable in terms of timing and distance.

Some parents have GPs who help or have lift sharing (but thats mutual so sometimes they have to do it).

It was part of the reason dds school previously ran so many great clubs, to make it more inclusive.

mindutopia · 23/07/2021 12:13

We generally don't as don't have the time. My school age one does gymnastics on Friday at 5:30-6:15. I have Fridays off at the moment and it's a weekend, so it's fine to be home late on a Friday.

Previously she had a riding lesson on a Wednesday afternoon, but I worked compressed hours (long days some days, shorter days other days), so where possible, I worked a shorter day then. Dh is self-employed, so more flexible, but obviously any time off is not paid.

We can't do anything on the weekend as it's hard to commitment to a standing time/day on a weekend. We also used to work a number of weekends in the summer pre-COVID, so just not easy to do weekends.

Fernando072020 · 23/07/2021 12:31

Is hiring someone for after school an option, op? They could pick up and take the kids to their activities and then bring back to the house for when you and DH are home

Nogoodusername · 23/07/2021 13:34

It is hard. It’s not until they get a bit older than the clubs get later. My 7 year old’s all start between 4 and 5pm other than the weekend. I used to share drop off and pick up with DH, and also had a Nanny twice a week who could take them to their clubs (I would work a long day those two days a week)

Phineyj · 23/07/2021 13:44

We have done clubs at school (but as you say, this is more standard at independent schools), weekend ones and clubs on my day off. I now choose activities specifically if they have WiFi and somewhere for parents to sit. We have also used an after school nanny, but since lockdown, DH WFH a lot so it's much less of an issue.

In my case it's my commute by train that's the issue - I can physically get DD to clubs but not also have the car in the right place.

Avoid things like Rainbows/Brownies that expect parent participation...

Einsteinsings · 23/07/2021 13:51

Combination of after school nanny (TA in nearby primary) grandparents, sharing with other parents and general juggling. It’s not easy.

NoSquirrels · 23/07/2021 13:59

The older they get, the later clubs start.

I think if you’re both FT and no family nearby then really you just have to sign up only to the things you can manage, where the timings work, or pay for childcare.

Brownies/Cubs usually always post 6pm IME as they’re run by volunteers.

Sports (netball/karate/dancing) extracurricular usually 4-6 at your DC’s ages so you need to look for weekend classes, or think ‘Is kayaking / horse riding something I could book a holiday week’s intensive sometime?’ rather than every week.

Tbh if you’ve signed up to comp swimming 3x a week that’s plenty, if you add e.g. Brownies on top.

pinkphone · 23/07/2021 13:59

School based clubs. If you've only just started then you likely won't be able to sign up to any / they aren't advertised. Round here you can pick clubs and they allocate in the first week of term. So the kids go straight to them after school and I just arrange their pick-up / childcare to start a bit later. Plus my son does cricket on Friday evenings and Sunday mornings in the spring / summer and daughter has theatre on Saturdays. It's not easy especially with the late notice for school clubs but we make it work somehow!

purpledagger · 23/07/2021 16:22

Widen your search area for classes, as you may be able to find a class that you can attend.

Some classes will run at weekends - it does mean that your weekends are spent shuttling the children around!

Ask for flexible working- if your OH is working from home, he should be able to take the children to activities that start at 5:30pm onwards (if he works a standard 9-5pm).

Dixiechickonhols · 23/07/2021 17:04

My daughter’s friend at primary had a nanny who just picked her up from school and took her to activity then dipped her home. It’s an easy job which would appeal to a sixth former or retired person but they need to have a car. I know she paid her £10 an hour but that was 5 years ago (the nanny would occasionally take mine as an extra and I’d pay)
Guides/Scouts tends to be 7pm or later.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 23/07/2021 17:08

Lots of people structure their work to allow to pick up from school a day or so a week, and then might offer to collect and take another child to an activity and in return have their child taken to one another day.

Some people have a part time working or non working parent, a grandparent helping with childcare, or have an au pair or nanny.

I've structured my hours and am using a childminder for morning drop offs so that I can collect from school and fit in activities 3 days a week but actually I wouldnt choose to have them on more than 2 evenings personally, especially not with young children. The school also offers a few clubs onsite (football, netball, tennis, gym, choir, art etc) which lots of the junior age children do.

Dozer · 23/07/2021 17:11

My DC just couldn’t do clubs 4-6.

Longtalljosie · 23/07/2021 17:11

What time will you be home and what after-school care are you planning? Brownies can be quite late in the evening

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