to ask how do working parents fit in lots of extra curricular activities?

[Musication]

We've recently moved back to the UK and my DC have joined a very nice local primary school where their classmates are very busy with extra-curricular activities after school and at weekends. Just yesterday one mum was telling me between her 2 DC they have just one evening a week which doesn't have activities. My DC (age 6 & 8) used to go to an international school where pretty much everything they did was part of the school day including CCA clubs.

My DH and I both start full time work soon and I will be out the house for work, my DH partly at an office and partly at home. On his days at home he will collect them from school but will need to bring them home and carry on working while they play/eat.

Since they've started school they've both asked if they can do lots of things in September- brownies/karate/dancing/horse riding/netball etc etc. I'd love them to do it but my research tells me all this stuff seems to start early evening - by the time I'm back from work, they've done reading and homework, eaten something, I don't see how this can all fit in. DD already joined a competitive swim club who train 2-3 evening a week (after 7pm) and me and DH are able to take her to these sessions because they're a bit later. But otherwise, how do you make all this happen around the school day and around work?! Do you just have to make them choose? I've managed to find a karate class for DS on a Saturday morning but most things seem to start between 4-6pm on a weekday which is tricky for us. I think extra stuff is fabulous and I want my DC to have every opportunity but I'm just not sure how everyone does this, particularly with more than one DC.

Employing an after school nanny is out of financial reach for most.

Welcome to middle-class parenting in the UK where you're literally abusing your child if they don't have an 'enriching' activity every night and all weekend.

If you don't join in your child will end up on crack and you won't be able to do humble-brags about how exhausted you are all the time because of your 'busy busy!' life.

I work FT and a single parent with 2 DC and evening clubs are a total no go for us (work in London and commute home so by the time we’re back there’s no way we can fit clubs in). We cram it in to the weekends- both do horse riding Saturday morning then dash to ballet for DD. Sunday morning is swimming for both. It is annoying as it makes the weekends really busy but it’s the only way we fit it in. I’ve also said it’s a max of 3 activities each! No more!

We took it in turns with friends to take DCs around to their various clubs. It was quite a spreadsheet!

Yes it can be very difficult, especially if you have more than one child with different interests. We managed by virtue of the fact that my DH has always worked mostly from home and could be flexible and I worked part time so we were able to juggle things fairly successfully. We also used to share lifts with other families, which gets easier as you get to know more people and also as the children get older.
I dont think its a bad thing to say no though. Children don't need to do every activity on offer or be doing something structured every night.

Keep in mind that lots of clubs and activities either still aren't running yet or are still impacted by distancing/isolations etc so just because there are none available just now doesn't mean they won't be come September.

Our local council still isn't allowing community groups to book halls so the number of activities for children (actually for anyone) is still massively low. School halls still aren't available either, which slashes evening clubs.

@chunderwunder

Welcome to middle-class parenting in the UK where you're literally abusing your child if they don't have an 'enriching' activity every night and all weekend.

If you don't join in your child will end up on crack and you won't be able to do humble-brags about how exhausted you are all the time because of your 'busy busy!' life.

Yup.

Meanwhile, those of us in the real world have kids who are just fine you know, playing with their siblings and the other kids in the neighbourhood. Or heaven forbid, relaxing and watching TV after a busy day at school.

I personally get annoyed at parents who take their kids to 5 million different activities every week and then complain that their little darling can't ever entertain themselves. Wonder why?!

I never worked full time, in the U.K. you will find many if not most kids are collected by a parent (usually mum) still. Grandparents or paid help (we had a nanny/housekeeper at one point) are the other default option. Plenty of children go to after school club of course but you won't be bumping into their parents to hear them bragging!

We did 2-3 evenings a week plus Saturday and Sunday for 12 years, thank goodness they are adults so it's just university pick ups, the occasional late night lift and we'll still concerts to dutifully attend as a musician.

Thanks everyone this is so interesting. I'm a senior teacher with a bit of a commute on my hands and quite a lot of after school commitments so I'll be out the house till 5 or 5.30 most days. Exception to this is Fridays and possibly Wednesdays where I could be home early enough to take them to something if it works for something they want to do.
DH has an office job and can wrap up by 5.30 sometimes but he has quite a lot of international calls which can keep him late regularly.
Our childcare is after school club for the days DH is working out the office. I don't especially want to work part time.
I can't believe how much some people seem to have time for here but I've concluded that it'll be after 6pm clubs only for them for now, or anything offered through school from September.

Makes me chuckle how sending primary age kids to clubs is seen as pushy on MN yet on the Teenagers board it’s all about teens needing hobbies etc and how great sports are for them.

Somehow a child magically goes from doing nothing to doing lots. Apparently.

From Y5, when school let them leave by themselves, my DC would walk themselves to a local club. Text wfh parent when they leave school, and again to confirm they’re safely at activity.

Before that, and still for activities not in walking distance, my cleaner will do school pick up and transportation (by public transport, she doesn’t drive), then bring them home, provide a snack etc.

I also lift shared with other parents (so had to leave early once every three weeks, which was doable), for a couple of activities. But that was a pain to organise.

Luckily I have flexible hours so I start work at 7 so I can be home for them coming home from school to get them to their activities. Just be aware if your DD continues with competitive swimming she won't have time for any other activities. DS joined a club at 8 by the age of 9 he was swimming 4 till 6 every weekday evening and 6 till 8 Saturday mornings, by the age of 10/11 girls (as they mature quicker) usually staft swimming weekday mornings as well.

My DD’s school had after school clubs at school so I signed her up to 4 per week (she loved them). I also take her to activities for several hours on a Saturday.

Mine do evening (6pm onwards) and weekend stuff. Or school clubs. They understand that they can’t do everything and that my work means we can afford the clubs they actually do.
Also I do think a club every single day is too much for young children. Some children I teach come into school so exhausted from all their clubs they can’t focus in school! I think it’s important to find a balance.

In primary, the PTA organised a wide range of ECAs after school but in school grounds, 4 afternoons a week. DD did a different activity each of those afternoons - mostly different sports as that's what she loved, but also chess club and guitar for a couple of years. All were fee paying, but different prices depending on need for resources/internal or external teacher/group size etc, and PTA funds covered any child not able to afford ECAs for 1 activity if desired so that every pupil in school had the opportunity to participate). Also, in younger end of primary school, the off-site after school club we used did activities every afternoon themselves but also had a few options for other instructors coming in (those others were an extra cost).

The 5th afternoon in school was kept for any faith group to organise instruction - parents needed to organise themselves to have a Committee, run the classes, employ the teachers, do all admin etc - but as a non-denominational school, it meant that any could still have their faith classes easily (only Catholic instruction actually happened but it was still open to any of the faiths in school to use the premises).

GAA was early Saturday morning while Cub scouts were later Saturday mornings, sailing Saturday afternoons, hockey club and coding were both on Sunday morning.

There was also running club, tennis lessons, swimming lessons, and soccer available at weekends, and I'm pretty sure there were local drama and various instruments of music on weekends as well, but we didn't ever try those. There were other Cubs and Brownies locally which met during the week in the evenings after tea.

So while we couldn't do science club as that wasn't in school and in the afternoons, or gymnastics, or horse riding, there was still plenty that DD did do or could have the option to do despite us both working FT and long hours out of the home.

Are there any clubs run at school? Most primary schools have clubs running straight after school on school premises, sometimes run by school staff, or sometimes by outside providers.

@DelphiniumBlue

Are there any clubs run at school? Most primary schools have clubs running straight after school on school premises, sometimes run by school staff, or sometimes by outside providers.

We are new to the school, but covid meant they weren't running clubs in the academic year just finished. I asked some other parents though and they said in normal times there are some, so we will see what Comes up next year. If they could do some stuff at school that would be great tbh, that's what I'm used to!

I take a pps point about the competitive swimming - DD absolutely adores it and as far as I'm told is quite talented for her age group (I can't really tell on the basis I'm a hopeless swimmer!) She's 9 soon which potentially adds one more session so for her perhaps anything much else might be unrealistic, during the week anyway.
Just managed to find a swim class for Ds which is at 7pm on one night that DD doesn't swim which is feeling like a big win right now 😅
Unfortunately teaching doesn't allow for any kind of flexibility in term time unless I go part time which I don't want to at the moment.

@BiddyPop

In primary, the PTA organised a wide range of ECAs after school but in school grounds, 4 afternoons a week. DD did a different activity each of those afternoons - mostly different sports as that's what she loved, but also chess club and guitar for a couple of years. All were fee paying, but different prices depending on need for resources/internal or external teacher/group size etc, and PTA funds covered any child not able to afford ECAs for 1 activity if desired so that every pupil in school had the opportunity to participate). Also, in younger end of primary school, the off-site after school club we used did activities every afternoon themselves but also had a few options for other instructors coming in (those others were an extra cost).

The 5th afternoon in school was kept for any faith group to organise instruction - parents needed to organise themselves to have a Committee, run the classes, employ the teachers, do all admin etc - but as a non-denominational school, it meant that any could still have their faith classes easily (only Catholic instruction actually happened but it was still open to any of the faiths in school to use the premises).

GAA was early Saturday morning while Cub scouts were later Saturday mornings, sailing Saturday afternoons, hockey club and coding were both on Sunday morning.

There was also running club, tennis lessons, swimming lessons, and soccer available at weekends, and I'm pretty sure there were local drama and various instruments of music on weekends as well, but we didn't ever try those. There were other Cubs and Brownies locally which met during the week in the evenings after tea.

So while we couldn't do science club as that wasn't in school and in the afternoons, or gymnastics, or horse riding, there was still plenty that DD did do or could have the option to do despite us both working FT and long hours out of the home.

Did you have to spend all your weekends ferrying them to activities though? I wouldn't mind a couple of things but I also like to keep a fair bit of the weekend free for catching up with friends/family or just letting my kids play and read. Maybe I'm too selfish to have super busy kids

I/DH flex our hours to manage two 4pm sports sessions in the week (and sometime lift share, so it's not every week).

Before covid I would need to start at 7 and work an extra hour the previous day to be able to finish in time, but now I'm WFH I can just block an hour or so out in my calendar, and send emails from the car, then do another hour when I'm home.

We do a music lesson via zoom, which has actually worked really well. And DS does a 7pm club once a week which I attend too.

I tried to leave our weekend as free as possible.

Brownies etc tend to start later, ours is 6pm and guides is 7. Dc ride at the weekends mostly. Swimming might be harder as lessons for that age range tend to be afternoon however you might find a private company that offers them later than a leisure centre. I wouldn't expect your 8 year old to have much homework

Check out school based clubs which start in September. We do afterschool club in the school so they can go to school clubs. We do swimming on a Saturday morning and dd 7 does beavers which starts at 6pm- we're home by then to take her but we share it with other parents-one takes one collects. We will have ds at football too but we muggle through

Avoid things like Rainbows/Brownies that expect parent participation...

I've one in guides who has been through rainbows and brownies and another ex rainbow who is now halfway through brownies. I have NEVER been expected to participate so this is news to me?!

We will have ds at football too but we muggle through

It's probably easier if you wizard it, not of magic will help. (Sorry couldn't resist 😆)

I only work part time, so that makes it easier, my son does dance, rugby tots and swimming. Dance is on the same night as my rugby training and its near by, so I drop him off at dance, go to rugby training and dip out for ten minutes to pick him up again, he then sits and watches the rest of the session/plays etc.

I have a rugby tots franchise so he is there while I coach another group of children, if he doesn’t want to take part that week he has an area he is allowed to play in that won’t disrupt the session.

He now has 1:1 swimming lessons where I don’t have to stay, so unless it is a badge day I spend half an hour in the gym while he swims.

Personally we just did it and it did exhaust us.
I have to be careful with times to make sure we are home and I think the earliest one we’ve had had a starting time of between 4 and 5 which was a rush but other than that most were 6 at the earliest. They tend to get later as the children get older. It is tiring and we were like your friend and eventually only had a Friday night where we weren’t doing clubs but in my opinion it’s worth it.

I must admit Covid was a lovely break from all of that and only one of my children’s clubs hasn’t returned yet but they’ve also now due to my youngest childs age ended up going to one of them on the same night now which is handy so that’s another night ‘off’.

It’ll calm down as they get older and naturally drop some.