Was I unreasonable to hide the cider from DH?

[dancygnik]

The last 6 months DH has drunk alcohol every single day. I don't like it and we've talked about it before but he says he enjoys it. In the week it's usually only 1 or 2 cans per day but I still feel he should have at least a couple of days off alcohol per week.
I mentioned I thought he was an alcoholic and he got really nasty with me.

By Tuesday he has drunk all beer in the house so started on the cider which I had bought last weekend for us to share but there's only 2 bottles left and I haven't had any yet (I dont drink in the week so was waiting until I fancied one at the weekend) however he started on the cider Tuesday so I hid the last 2 bottles so he cousins drink them last night. He is really pissed off at me for hiding them. I do feel a bit awkward doing it and wondering if I should just apologise and shut up about him drinking every night even thought i think it's unhealthy and would prefer him to cut down?

It does sound like there is an issue and I understand your fear. My husband was in the habit of drinking a can / bottle a day when I met him, and I made it clear from the start I wouldn’t tolerate alcohol every day in the house and didn’t want any children growing up witnessing alcohol as a trivial or daily presence.

He does drink more than I’m comfortable with - several drinks a week, but has agreed to switch to alcohol free beer several days a week and is holding himself to that. The mere cost of adding alcohol to a daily food bill makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like either the idea of using it as a coping mechanism for stressful situations. I was lucky to be able to spot the difference in values there early on and presented it as a make or break because it really was something I didn’t want to be worried about long term.

I can understand where you’re coming from and I’d be concerned too.

@DismantledKing

You’re the one that is using the term ‘alcoholic’. I haven’t used it once. There’s a difference between someone with a problem with alcohol and an alcoholic. Your obesity point is just plain wrong; smoking is the biggest risk factor to health. And this ‘most days’ stuff? Have you missed the fact that the OP’s partner drinks every day, and has done so for 6 months?

You’ve written paragraphs on how bad alcohol is and as I’ve said several times, I agree with some of what you say.

You also insisted the amounts don’t matter, well that’s bullshit, of course they do. Someone have a small glass of wine with their food daily isn’t the same as someone having a bottle of wine daily.

And now you’ve changed your tune and are now insisting the smoking is the biggest risk factor to health?! That’s wrong. Maybe in 1980 but not in 2021 it’s not. Obesity affects more people negatively than smoking. Can’t be bothered to add links as it’s out there clear as say regardless of what you think.

@Saoirse82

An alcoholic can be defined as a person who has lost control of their drinking, not someone who drinks a small amount every night (unless that person is desperately trying not to have that small amount but can't manage not to drink). If alcohol is causing problems in your life but you're stull continuing to drink then I'd say that's an alcoholic. My dad has a glass of wine every night with his dinner and 3 whiskeys on a sat night, I've never seen him drunk in my life and I'm almost 40. He's always consumed that much alcohol pretty much since I've been born and I'm almost 40 now. Someone deciding that he's an alcoholic because of this is ridiculous, he has two alcoholic brothers who thankfully eventually got sober, we've seen what alcohol can do. I think you're unreasonable for hiding the cider, but obviously your past experiences are going to have an effect on how you see things.

This exactly.

YANBU Why is he getting pissed off at you for hiding your cider? You want it on the weekend, not during the week.

He's being totally unreasonable with his attitude that if it's there, it's fair game. This is like those men who eat all the treats from the shopping before the person who actually did the shopping gets a look-in... only with alcohol.

@SourAppleChew

Latest study I read also found a 21% lower morality rate in moderate drinkers.

Especially the likes of red wind with it’s antioxidants.

1-2 cans a day is not an alcoholic, it is not healthy, same as eating too many biscuits or too much salt etc. But as an adult his choice to make. Going on regularly about him being an alcoholic when he isn't must be very wearing, you have made your point and you need to stop it.

Your problem is shopping, treat it the same as if he was eating all the biscuits, tell him to stop being inconsiderate/greedy and eating your share or if he does replace them. Or whoever does the weekly shop adds in more biscuits.

[quote DismantledKing]‘Smoking is the leading cause of preventable illness and premature death, killing 78,000 people in England each year. US data indicate that for every death caused by smoking, at least 30 smokers are living with a serious smoking-related illness. In England, in 2017 to 2018, there were an estimated 489,300 smoking-related admissions to hospital, equating to over 1,300 each day. One in 4 patients in hospital beds are smokers. Smokers also see their GP 35% more than non-smokers.’

From:
www.gov.uk/government/publications/smoking-and-tobacco-applying-all-our-health/smoking-and-tobacco-applying-all-our-health[/quote]
www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/healthy-drinks/drinks-to-consume-in-moderation/alcohol-full-story/

Anyone can find a link to support their cause….

I can't really comment on if he has a problem or not as I don't for example know how much he puts away at a weekend
Sometimes my ex would only have a drink or 2 on a weekday , but could then put away 3+ bottles on a weekend night, drinking on a weekend morning etc
But the worrying thing is his reaction to it. Especially if he knows about your previous experience . My mother was an alcoholic and my ex used to tell me I just had mummy issues and was predisposed to looking for it .
It's all down to what you're willing to put up with .

I think that you're within your rights to hide something when he's had his share. I do it with biscuits!

My dad has a glass of wine every night with his dinner and 3 whiskeys on a sat night, I've never seen him drunk in my life and I'm almost 40. He's always consumed that much alcohol pretty much since I've been born and I'm almost 40 now. Someone deciding that he's an alcoholic because of this is ridiculous, he has two alcoholic brothers who thankfully eventually got sober, we've seen what alcohol can do

No you can only make that call when he can't have that and is (or isn't) affected by missing out on it

Many on this site have a fucking weird view of what problematic drinking is. At both ends of the spectrum