Was I unreasonable to hide the cider from DH?

[dancygnik]

The last 6 months DH has drunk alcohol every single day. I don't like it and we've talked about it before but he says he enjoys it. In the week it's usually only 1 or 2 cans per day but I still feel he should have at least a couple of days off alcohol per week.
I mentioned I thought he was an alcoholic and he got really nasty with me.

By Tuesday he has drunk all beer in the house so started on the cider which I had bought last weekend for us to share but there's only 2 bottles left and I haven't had any yet (I dont drink in the week so was waiting until I fancied one at the weekend) however he started on the cider Tuesday so I hid the last 2 bottles so he cousins drink them last night. He is really pissed off at me for hiding them. I do feel a bit awkward doing it and wondering if I should just apologise and shut up about him drinking every night even thought i think it's unhealthy and would prefer him to cut down?

People have choice. OP can leave him if she’s not happy with it

Because it’s as easy as that. Let’s add this to the list of things that you don’t understand.

@DismantledKing

And you’re obviously minimising alcohol problems to make yourself feel better.

Ohh please 🤣

‘’Hi there is this AA?’’

• Yes how can we help?

“I’m drinking 14 units”

• Each day?

“Oh no, a week”

I’m far from the only one on here to note your defensiveness about alcohol use.

[quote Travis1]@TableFlowerss you’re awful defensive……the op has said her husband got nasty over not having access to the cider. That is not normal.[/quote]
I agree, but I’m taking about people saying anyone that drink alcohol could be considered an alcoholic.

I agree, but I’m taking about people saying anyone that drink alcohol could be considered an alcoholic.

Absolutely nobody has said that

The fact that he drinks what he knows you've bought for you means he isn't in control

Also, and I speak as someone who lives with an alcoholic, the can of beer can be a cover for something stronger.
I hide my wine. For now. At least I won't have to when I get a divorce.

Anyone who can’t go a day without alcohol and has to take their partners drinks if they don’t have any on their own and gets nasty if they haven’t had alcohol has a problem. Does that help? That is definitely something you can call AA about. Just like you don’t have to have a terminal illness to go to the gp.

What people have said, quite fairly, is that someone who drinks every day for 6 months would seem to have a problem with alcohol. Especially when combined with his other behaviour.

@DismantledKing

I’m far from the only one on here to note your defensiveness about alcohol use.

Many people are OTT when it comes to alcohol on here so it’s hardly surprising. You had a glass? Must be addicted

Clearly you don’t drink. Fabulous for you, how super healthy must you be.

You don’t get to dictate what other people do or don’t do. And to suggest anyone that has a glass of wine each night with their meal is an alcoholic, is imo offensive to people that are truly dependent.

And by the way your copy and paste job photo is irrelevant as obesity has the most significant health implications, regardless of your opinion!

Finally, you keep banging on about alcoholism and how it affects society and I don’t disagree with that, but you keep spectacularly missing the point - having a social drink with your meal most days doesn’t make someone dependant.

You’re the one that is using the term ‘alcoholic’. I haven’t used it once.
There’s a difference between someone with a problem with alcohol and an alcoholic.
Your obesity point is just plain wrong; smoking is the biggest risk factor to health. And this ‘most days’ stuff? Have you missed the fact that the OP’s partner drinks every day, and has done so for 6 months?

But you keep constructing your straw men.
Be my guest.

YABVVU. 2 bottles of cider does not make him an alcoholic. He is an adult - stop controlling/judging him.

‘Smoking is the leading cause of preventable illness and premature death, killing 78,000 people in England each year. US data indicate that for every death caused by smoking, at least 30 smokers are living with a serious smoking-related illness. In England, in 2017 to 2018, there were an estimated 489,300 smoking-related admissions to hospital, equating to over 1,300 each day. One in 4 patients in hospital beds are smokers. Smokers also see their GP 35% more than non-smokers.’

From:
www.gov.uk/government/publications/smoking-and-tobacco-applying-all-our-health/smoking-and-tobacco-applying-all-our-health

But it does make someone dependant if like the OP’s DH gets nasty if he can’t drink OP’s alcohol. It’s not like he is drinking bottles of wine/vodka a night, he’s only drinking a couple of cans a night during the week, but he is obviously dependant if he can’t cope without a drink one night.

But many people see the couple of cans a night as nothing and he can’t possibly be an alcoholic. But having to drink every day is part of the definition of an alcoholic, doesn’t matter about the amount, it depends on the behaviour around the drink.

I used to drink wine every night, only a small amount during the week, about half of a small glass and not much more at the weekend. A bottle of wine lasted ages. But I found myself automatically getting the wine out of the fridge every night without really thinking about it, and decided that it was becoming a habit which wasn’t healthy. So now I very rarely have alcohol during the week.

Moderate drinking is actually healthier than total abstinence.

Latest study I read also found a 21% lower morality rate in moderate drinkers.

Mortality not morality. 😂😂😂

It doesn’t sound healthy if he can’t stop himself from drinking the cider that he knew wasn’t his. I don’t drink personally as my parents are alcoholics, so it’s never really appealed to me, but I would find it worrying if someone couldn’t stop themselves drinking what they knew wasn’t theirs. It’s selfish if nothing else.

I also would be worried about his defensive attitude - getting nasty with you, being angry he couldn’t access the cider that he knew was yours. Someone who had no problem with alcohol wouldn’t become nasty when they couldn’t drink someone else’s alcohol, they would be able to just not have a drink as they knew it didn’t belong to them.

An alcoholic can be defined as a person who has lost control of their drinking, not someone who drinks a small amount every night (unless that person is desperately trying not to have that small amount but can't manage not to drink). If alcohol is causing problems in your life but you're stull continuing to drink then I'd say that's an alcoholic. My dad has a glass of wine every night with his dinner and 3 whiskeys on a sat night, I've never seen him drunk in my life and I'm almost 40. He's always consumed that much alcohol pretty much since I've been born and I'm almost 40 now. Someone deciding that he's an alcoholic because of this is ridiculous, he has two alcoholic brothers who thankfully eventually got sober, we've seen what alcohol can do. I think you're unreasonable for hiding the cider, but obviously your past experiences are going to have an effect on how you see things.

I don’t think you should hide the cider op; he’s an adult and you’re treating him like a child

As you’ve made it clear to him that you don’t like his drinking and he’s made it clear he won’t stop then your choice is either put up with it or leave

@Shoxfordian it’s her cider though. If the only way to ensure she has any to drink is to hide it, then what else should she do. Obviously she also has to look at the fact that she does have to hide it because her DH doesn’t have the will power/is so dependant on alcohol that he will drink it if he can find it.

I’d not be hiding it, I’d be packing his bags. I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who had to drink every night, it’s a deal breaker for me.

She shouldn’t live with someone she has to hide things from to stop him drinking them or like some posters have said to stop him eating all the treats either, that’s what she should do

Yanbu

You had a weird first few replies there OP!

Not unreasonable at all to hide a share of something that you wanted for yourself.

On the wider question, if he can’t go without a drink for a night, and in particular because he gets angry about it, I’d say he has a problem.