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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this excessive?

78 replies

aivilo · 21/07/2021 10:33

We are a family of four - 2 DC (only one of them old enough to eat solids, the other still too young for weaning).

I was having a chat with my sister the other day about eating out. I happened to mention that we tend to go out to a restaurant as a family around 3 times month. Sometimes we will also have a takeaway (sometimes not). So around 3-4 times per month of paying for a meal that is made for us, with a cost of anywhere between £25-£40 per meal depending on takeaway / restaurant.

I'm not talking flashy expensive restaurants, just maybe the local Italian or a Sunday carvery type thing.

My sister was shocked and said that's a lot and that we must have "money to burn". (We don't).

So... is this excessive, or do a lot of families do similar?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 21/07/2021 10:36

If money is tight, I think this is excessive.

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/07/2021 10:37

It just depends on what you enjoy and value, I’d imagine. We eat out several times a week, sometimes out more than in. I like restaurant meals, so that’s where I’m happy to spend money; I wouldn’t spend the hundreds of pounds a month other people spend on other things I don’t appreciate.

Bluntness100 · 21/07/2021 10:38

It’s not excessive unless you can’t afford it.

Bridezillamaybe · 21/07/2021 10:40

A bizarre reaction from your sister unless it was on the tailend of a conversation about how you are not coping financially.

Original poster
aivilo · 21/07/2021 10:41

We can afford it - we wouldn't do it if we couldn't. We aren't struggling by any means but equally we are not rolling in cash if that makes sense. All our essentials are paid for and we have savings. What we have left each month we tend to prefer to use for eating out than anything else because we enjoy it.

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 21/07/2021 10:42

Even if you don’t have money to burn you’re an adult who can budget appropriately for her own family.

Is your DS financially much worse off or does she just choose to spend/ save differently? Is she judgemental over other parts of your life or just this spending?

Don’t worry about whether you eat out much more or less than “average” if you discover that you do it shouldn’t change what you choose to do.

H328 · 21/07/2021 10:43

It's an expensive way to eat, when there is the option to eat much more cheaply, so I can see why it might seem like spending excessively to her.

You say you don't have money to burn but I presume you can afford and it and don't to without other things.

I don't know how you're eating out with little ones. Mine were horrendous in a restaurant until recently (youngest is 3).

Original poster
aivilo · 21/07/2021 10:43

@Bridezillamaybe

A bizarre reaction from your sister unless it was on the tailend of a conversation about how you are not coping financially.

No it wasn't, it was a conversation about places to eat out near where I live (we live in separate areas of the country). I think money is tighter for my sister and BIL generally so that might be why she said it.

OP posts:
Sally872 · 21/07/2021 10:43

It's not excessive at all. And if the family enjoy it then sounds like a lovely way to spend time together.

If you are saving for something like a house deposit or money is tight for any other reason then it would be something you could cut back on, but 25-40 on some family time is good value.

Original poster
aivilo · 21/07/2021 10:44

*Is she judgemental over other parts of your life or just this spending?
*

Well this is a whole different thread .... Blush

OP posts:
FamishedAtAnAirport · 21/07/2021 10:44

I think it's a lot if that's all year round. It works out to be roughly £1,200 per year. Ish.

But just because I think it's a lot, it doesn't mean I think you are wrong. It's your money. It's what you want to do with that money. So keep on enjoying it!

Original poster
aivilo · 21/07/2021 10:46

Wow £1,200 per year. When you put it like that...

OP posts:
withiceplease · 21/07/2021 10:48

It's just choice of how you spend your cash surely? Up to you
My niece and partner decided to join a spa for swimming after work - not minted by any means - but they are not drinkers or taxi users - so money other folks would spend in a different way. Working should give you treats and this is yours

LIZS · 21/07/2021 10:49

That is a lot for essentially two adults, especially if money is tight.

lanthanum · 21/07/2021 10:49

My parents took my out for a meal for my birthday one year (just me, not siblings). We never ate out as a family. Occasional fish & chips. With a family of 6 on a low income, it wasn't affordable.

However eating out once a week is not so unusual for those who can afford it.

FamishedAtAnAirport · 21/07/2021 10:49

@aivilo

Wow £1,200 per year. When you put it like that...
I mean, that's a very tough calculation.

Based on 3x per month at £30 being close to £100 per month.

The actually figure could be higher or lower.

Googlewasmyidea1 · 21/07/2021 10:50

If you can afford it then fine, pre-covid we used to eat out anywhere between twice and 5 or 6 times a month

Bridezillamaybe · 21/07/2021 10:52

So what if it's 1,200 p/a though. If you're not struggling that's fine. Some people spend that on nights out in a month. It's your money and you're not exactly living a life of hedonism eating out a few times a month.

Money and spending is relative. My sister (very well off and lives in a very upmarket area in a different country) was horrified at what I was paying the childminder and asked how did I think I could get away with that? She was so rude about it. I explained we pay 25% over the market rates for childminding locally. She laughed in disbelief. Then I was talking to a local business woman yesterday who was ranting about her overpriced childminder, it turns out she is paying 25% less than me for having two children looked after.

FizzyPink · 21/07/2021 10:52

I think £40 for a meal out is pretty cheap. We probably eat out a similar amount and spend between £75-£100 for the two of us.
We enjoy it and we can afford it so it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks.

TheFlis12345 · 21/07/2021 10:54

That’s more than DH and I eat out, and we have decent disposable income and no kids. But if that’s how you prefer to spend your disposable income then good for you! Eating out is fun and not having to cook and wash up with 2 small DC must be blissful!

BarbaraofSeville · 21/07/2021 10:55

@aivilo

Wow £1,200 per year. When you put it like that...
But it's not anything you didn't know anyway. You set it out yourself in your OP. 3-4 x 25 -40 x 12 = 900 to 1920 per year.

You say you can pay your bills and have savings. Beyond that, your money is up to you how you spend it and as long as you can afford the essentials, including annual and irregular ones, have savings for the unexpected and larger purchases like cars or home improvements, what does it matter that you like to eat out.

Everyone has different likes and dislikes. I bet your sister spends that sort of money on other non essentials that you don't, eg clothes, beauty treatments, holidays, gadgets, hobbies or whatever.

Soontobe60 · 21/07/2021 10:56

@aivilo

Wow £1,200 per year. When you put it like that...
Actually, if you use the higher figure of £40 per meal, it works out at £1920 a year.
godmum56 · 21/07/2021 11:05

@aivilo

*Is she judgemental over other parts of your life or just this spending? *

Well this is a whole different thread .... Blush

ah.....so not just how you spend your money judginess.....my take is that its not her business if you aren't asking her to pay
bloodywhitecat · 21/07/2021 11:05

We do similar, Friday night is takeaway night. We can afford it, bills are paid, we put money into savings and enjoy a weekly takeaway/meal out.

Forrestttheout · 21/07/2021 11:06

If you can afford it then its not a problem, I would say me and DP eat out 2/3 times a week. Usually one sit down meal at a proper restaurant and then 1 or 2 times grabbing something quick at lunch or for dinner when we are busy or neither of us can be bothered cooking. It probably costs about £60-100 a week. We can afford it, neither of us are into clothes, expensive beauty products, hair cuts, flash cars etc. so we view the one sit down meal as our weekly treat. DP works long hours so I do all the cooking Monday-Friday. Its nice to know that on the weekends I don't need to think about dinner because we will go out one night and just have picnic food the other.