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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this excessive?

78 replies

aivilo · 21/07/2021 10:33

We are a family of four - 2 DC (only one of them old enough to eat solids, the other still too young for weaning).

I was having a chat with my sister the other day about eating out. I happened to mention that we tend to go out to a restaurant as a family around 3 times month. Sometimes we will also have a takeaway (sometimes not). So around 3-4 times per month of paying for a meal that is made for us, with a cost of anywhere between £25-£40 per meal depending on takeaway / restaurant.

I'm not talking flashy expensive restaurants, just maybe the local Italian or a Sunday carvery type thing.

My sister was shocked and said that's a lot and that we must have "money to burn". (We don't).

So... is this excessive, or do a lot of families do similar?

OP posts:
iklboo · 21/07/2021 11:09

Does she spend her money on things you don't though - clothes, make up, alcohol, cigarettes etc? It's all relative. If you can afford it & enjoy it, why not? You're supporting the economy too.

You could try not eating out / takeaways for, say, three months but put the money in a tin to see how much you're spending if you wanted to gauge costs. Otherwise, crack on. It's a nice way to unwind and spend time as a family. I'm sure you'd cut back or stop if money got right.

WhatsMyNameGonnaBeNow · 21/07/2021 11:21

Of course it’s not excessive. It’s your own money, you’re able to afford it and it’s something you enjoy, there’s no issue.

People love to pass comment and “money to burn” is just another way of saying I don’t approve of how you spend your money (even though it’s none of my bloody business). Just because someone else would use their disposable income differently doesn’t make you and DH wrong. People enjoy and value different things.

Original poster
aivilo · 21/07/2021 11:24

Thanks everyone. Seems we are not so far from the norm then! I'll tell my sister to butt out in future Grin

OP posts:
2LostSoulsSwimmingInAFishBowl · 21/07/2021 11:25

It’s all relative I think depending on what you can afford and whether you actually like eating out or having a takeaway. As long as you can afford to and you enjoy what you’re eating it’s money well spent.

Helpme20 · 21/07/2021 11:32

No that is not excessive at all. TBH £25 for a meal out is pretty cheap. We are a family of 3 (1DS ) and meals out are around £50. And we eat out every Saturday and take away every Friday and in between when can't be asked to cook.
Your sister is just jealous that she may be cannot do it.

NotAnotherPushyMum · 21/07/2021 11:35

If you have the money that’s fine. For our family that’s the months food budget. I’m guessing your sister’s household budget is closer to mine than yours.

RowanAlong · 21/07/2021 11:36

Yeah I think if they’re struggling financially then eating out three times a month does look excessive from their point of view. It’s a luxury, totally.

Mumdiva99 · 21/07/2021 11:41

It's down to you and your food budget. If you can afford it then why not. We used to think people that got takeaways every few weeks were wasting money.....but for those families if they were happy then up to them.

We could afford to eat out sometimes - but because I have 1 very very hungry husband, 3 hungry kids and me - meals out are very expensive - usually the drinks add on a fortune - so we would rather spend the money on good ingredients and eat in. But that's our choice.

I also think as kids get older they get more expensive generally so family budgets get adjusted. Are your sisters kids a bit older than yours?

vivainsomnia · 21/07/2021 11:42

It's all down to priority. We rarely eat out and never have a takeaway, but we -used to- go on weekends away every 3 or 4 months.

It's funny how we often get comments about how lucky we are and implying that we are doing well, but these people like you don't think twice of going to eat and getting take aways. It really comes down to how you prefer to spend your disposable income.

Original poster
aivilo · 21/07/2021 11:50

I also think as kids get older they get more expensive generally so family budgets get adjusted. Are your sisters kids a bit older than yours?

No, opposite way around. One of ours is older (secondary school age), other is a baby. Sister has one dc who is a toddler

OP posts:
PattyPan · 21/07/2021 11:51

If you can afford it and it’s what you want to spend your money on then there’s no problem.
We are pre-DC and don’t really go to restaurants except for special occasions like birthdays and don’t really get takeaways unless we can’t make dinner for some reason or we are having people over. Neither are something that we do every month.

Original poster
aivilo · 21/07/2021 11:54

@Helpme20

No that is not excessive at all. TBH £25 for a meal out is pretty cheap. We are a family of 3 (1DS ) and meals out are around £50. And we eat out every Saturday and take away every Friday and in between when can't be asked to cook. Your sister is just jealous that she may be cannot do it.
£25 would be for a takeaway as we get discount from the place near us. When we eat out a meal for all 3 of us is closer to the £40 mark. (Obviously will increase when baby is on solids!)
OP posts:
Original poster
aivilo · 21/07/2021 12:00

Does she spend her money on things you don't though - clothes, make up, alcohol, cigarettes etc? It's all relative.

Not really. Non smoker and rarely drinks. She's not one for luxuries, really. She could probably be described as more frugal than I am.

OP posts:
MrsChuckBass · 21/07/2021 12:03

We eat out once a week Atleast in our local pub. Usually anything between £35/£50 each time. I don't think it's excessive at all

Youdiditanyway · 21/07/2021 12:08

Everyone prioritises different things. We eat out or have a take away once a month because it’s all we can comfortably afford (do have 5 DC tbf!) and we prioritise other things. If this is something you enjoy and can afford there’s no issue with it.

Manzanilla55 · 21/07/2021 12:08

I have never bought takeaways regularly as they arent healthy. But also I would resent the cost. Even if I could afford it. Which I can't.

Ironmanrocks · 21/07/2021 12:11

We eat out a similar amount. Probably less takeaways though. I enjoy eating out - it is a break and a treat for me and I don't waste money or spend it frivolously on clothes/handbags/make up. I think it ends up being good value!

Karatema · 21/07/2021 12:12

I eat one meal out every single day, usually my lunch sandwich and coffee. I love it. When I am saving for something extra (recently it was an unexpected broken appliance I can't do without) then I don't.

My priorities are different to the rest of my siblings. One prefers to go away frequently, another likes their cars; we are all different even if related!

Goldielow · 21/07/2021 12:18

It's not excessive. Everyone has different things they'd rather spend their money on. I have a friend who will spend hundreds a month on clothes and make-up, I have another friend that spends hardly anything to save her money to go on big holidays 3 times a year. I like to order a chinese, buy a bottle of wine, get a pack of cigs and rent a film from Amazon prime. But my clothes are 10 years old and I never go on holiday. It's what you enjoy spending your money on if you have it.

woodfort · 21/07/2021 12:19

If you enjoy it and can afford it, it’s not a lot.

Everyone has things they splurge on that they enjoy. For some people it’s eating out, others it’s holidays, others it’s clothes, expensive gyms and leisure activities, beauty treatments etc.

woodfort · 21/07/2021 12:21

I’m impressed you still enjoy it with DC though. I love eating out and we ate out several times per week before children. I was adamant that the DC would just come with and they’d get used to eating out and it would be normal for them and they’d know how to behave in a restaurant.
I actually find it pretty awful to be honest. Once they stop just being a baby that can sit on your lap it’s just exhausting so we don’t bother now really and get takeaway which is nice but not the same.

Doubledoorsontogarden · 21/07/2021 12:22

My sibling also throughly disapproves of eating out. I look around and see lots of other people eating out as families. Carry on and enjoy it guilt free

HollowTalk · 21/07/2021 12:25

I think having a meal out is one of the few treats you get with young children and you should carry on with them! No food planning, no cooking, no washing up and everyone has what they want to eat.

Prior to children I bet you'd spend more than that on nights out, holidays, new clothes etc.

Anyone could criticise anyone else's spending - going for a drive in the country? Waste of petrol. Buying yet another dress? You have several - what a waste. Bottle of wine? Unnecessary.

If all we spent our money on was bills then it would be pretty miserable.

Original poster
aivilo · 21/07/2021 12:26

@woodfort

I’m impressed you still enjoy it with DC though. I love eating out and we ate out several times per week before children. I was adamant that the DC would just come with and they’d get used to eating out and it would be normal for them and they’d know how to behave in a restaurant. I actually find it pretty awful to be honest. Once they stop just being a baby that can sit on your lap it’s just exhausting so we don’t bother now really and get takeaway which is nice but not the same.

My eldest dc is secondary school age - they actually help with the baby tbh Smile

OP posts:
georgarina · 21/07/2021 12:28

Very expensive for me, but then I spend free money in other ways, so if you enjoy it and can afford it I don't see that there's any issue. Live and spend your extra £ the way you want!