To have said no to looking after my exs child

[subtenure]

Me and my ex have 2 DS’ together, they're 8 and 10. My ex had an affair and that child is now 5 he's still in a relationship with the OW and they now have a 1yo. He was meant to have our sons today but he messaged me and said he had to take the baby to the hospital and asked if I could have the 5yo. I said no and he replied ‘looks like I'll have to take him with us’ as apparently the OW is working away and the baby got injured.

Was I bu by saying no?

Idk I would have said yes. The 5-year-old had to go into hospital with his sick younger brother and a stressed-out dad, I would feel quite bad for the kid tbh. If he was asking for a reason that wasn't an emergency I would never in a million years say yes, but to save the kid a stressful experience I would have said yes. I don't think he was being cheeky asking at all. Having said all this, I do understand why you said no, I'm sure there are a lot of angry and hurt emotions behind the way this all ended, we can't be perfect! Did he end up giving the child to anyone else?

@User135792468

You are not unreasonable to have said no, but I totally understand why he asked you. For the posters calling him a cf, cunt and other choice words, I hope you’re never in a position where you’re stuck as you have to take another child to hospital.

Oh, be serious. Plenty of people have had to take children to hospital, its the risk you take with more than one child, and if he's got time for snarky texts its clearly not an emergency.

Honestly, yes I think YWBU. He was probably worried sick about the baby and it would have been a relief to know that the 5yo was being looked after in a safe place with his brothers. Instead, the child was dragged into a busy hospital and was probably bored and uncomfortable. Yes, he should have a better support network in place, but there are more appropriate times to make a point.

Don’t really understand all these responses that “if it was an emergency I would have… etc”.

If it was that much of an emergency I’m sure the child’s MOTHER would have been herself available. Or any other family member.

Sounds like it was just convenient for him to expect OP to take on this responsibility. Pure convenience.

All this be a bigger person just seems like code for be a mug, would he have the ops child if she had another one? Like hell would he

I would have said no, and I think saying no was the right thing to do.

So what if he has to take the older child to the hospital with him? He was cheeky to ask you.

For what it’s worth, I have had to take my child to the hospital - and his sibling had to tag along - a few times before. Yes it’s hard work and a pain, but all your ex had to do was buy the older kid a magazine and suck it up. He could even stick the older kid in front of his phone or iPad if need be.

Doesn’t he have any friends or family to ask if he didn’t want to do that? It’s not your responsibility.

Yeah, I’ve also been in a position where I’ve had to take one of my DC to A&E, genuine emergency. I had to take their sibling too as I have no one to help.
YANBU OP.

look after your dc that you had with ow when you cheated on me ?? jog on with that idea matey!

@warmandtoasty2day

look after your dc that you had with ow when you cheated on me ?? jog on with that idea matey!

This!

I was thinking about this recently. I would now as we all get on OK but it would have been a flat "no" 12 months ago.

His child his responsibility where’s grandparents or friends not an ex

YANBU to have said no. I'd have probably done it for the sake of a 5 year old who would have to sit in hot a and e potentially a free hours with a upset sibling and a stressed parent. If it's the first time he has asked in 5 years it would have likely been a genuine emergency. But saying that it's not your problem I guess

Cheeky fucker

I'm sorry but I will go against the tide here. A baby has been injured badly enough to need to go to hospital and you are standing on ceremony? I would step up and help immediately.

He asked you to look after the other woman’s kid? 😂 What a prick.

I probably would have done, until someone else could come to collect him, but I can entirely understand why you wouldn't.

It also depends on the baby's injury: cut finger needing some washing out and an check over, he could take the 5yr old, serious injury likely to require admission, i'd probably have offered a few hours until alternative arrangements could be made.

You must do what's best for you and your children, and sounds like you did that.

Don’t you think the 5 year old would be even more upset and stressed at being dumped at a random stranger’s house?

Also YANBU.
Taking the 5 yo to hospital won’t kill it I’ve been plenty of times

I wouldn't even give your refusal a second thought. Ignore the holier than thou responses!! Cheeky twat!!

I wouldn't dream of it. You can't be the only one they can ask?

I totally understand why he asked you

Really because I can't fathom why in any which universe he thought that was appropriate or reasonable..

Perhaps he could have tried....

His parents
Her parents
His friends
Her friends
School mum/dad

But no he chose to call OP who he clearly thought had doormat written across her head until she told him to shove it.

Then the back chat after to top it off..absolutely fucking zero chance 😂

He wanted you to babysit the child he fathered while he was cheating on you? He doesn’t think much of you, does he? Well done for saying no.

YANBU and neither is he.
I may have done it, depends on a few factors, but YANBU to say no.

@PumpkinKlNG

I wonder if op had a new baby if her ex would babysit... of course he wouldn’t, why are women always expected to do everything

This

YANBU the CF!!!
He made his bed! His product of infidelity isn't your problem