Should I let MIL be our cleaner?

[Carolba]

I am due to go back to work full time next week after 12 months maternity leave and have been worried about keeping on top of the house. I don't want my precious weekends and evenings being taking up with cleaning the whole house I want to be able to enjoy that time with my DD. Talking to my DH he 100% agrees in paying for a cleaner and suggested his MIL! Now, she is an amazing cleaner, absolutely LOVES cleaning (used to have her own cleaning business) has the time and I know could do with the extra money ( I know she would happily do it for free but I would insist on paying) But I went mental, big arguement, absolutely no way and whilst DH doesn't see a problem with it he agreed to get another cleaner but insists that we can't tell his mum because she would be heartbroken and very insulted we hadn't asked her. So now, sitting here and speaking to several cleaning companies I am thinking of changing my mind! Am I mad??? It does seem crazy paying a stranger all that money when MIL would love to do it, would do an excellent job and needs the money herself? I haven't mentioned anything to DH husband yet cause if I open that conversation again there will be no going back so I want to be positive it is what I want. Have any of you had positive experiences having your MIL as a cleaner?. If I do what boundaries do I set? Or am I just setting myself for a life long horrible situation that I will never be able to get back out of? AIBU in not allowing my MIL to be our cleaner?

Why did you go mental?
It sounds like a good idea to me.

My grandmother used to clean for my parents when we were young and they were out at work. She was retired and mum paid her to do it. Seems like a no brainer if she is a good cleaner and has actually worked as a cleaner.
Good trustworthy reliable cleaners are very hard to find.

I don’t ever combine work with friends/family. I’ve been bitten too many times.

It’s a shame, but I think it’s a bad idea.

By work I mean paying people to do stuff.

Tell him you love her too much to risk your relationship by employing her.
Because it's a recipe for disaster.
Don't mix business and pleasure.

Oh God, no. Whatever you do, do not allow MIL to be your cleaner. It is a shitshow just waiting to happen.

Why go mental and have a big argument. That sounds completely irrational.
If you get on with her well and set boundaries that she will adhere to why not.
Or just have trial and say you need help for 3 months or something.

@pilates I blame the hormones to some extent! I think I just panicked about it. I kept reading lots of horror stories about MIL being a cleaner and snooping, looking down on me etc and then there is the feeling of paying my MIL to basically clean up after us. I don't know it just feels weired

Plenty of relationships where it would work.
More where it wouldn’t!
No-one here knows better than you do if there is any chance that it would.
If she’s never been judgmental or interfering in any way, maybe.
I’d just set a false end date to begin with.
Like - I’m going to be really busy settling back in at work, just to take the pressure off that, could you clean for a month? So that if you hate it (even if she does nothing wrong) you’re not actually having to stop it - it’s planned to stop.

No I wouldn't employ my MIL as much as I loved her, no. Never mix family and business.

God no. My mil, nearly age 80, still has a couple of people she cleans for. We didn't tell her for years that we had a cleaner as I knew what would happen. She inevitably found out and offered her services... I said no. Imagine if she doesn't do things like you'd like them ? Or starts overstaying her welcome? Or tries to give you "advice"? How to sack her? Don't mix business and family/friends!

@notacooldad I am not sure why I went mental lol ...I blame post natal hormones!. hence thinking about it rationally now am thinking of changing my mind. I don't know if she would adhere to any boundaries but I love your idea of a 3 month trial! Just whilst I get back on my feet juggling work and toddler. If it works well can keep her and if not then I can say all is good now I don't need her! Win win situation :)

It depends on your MIL. I wouldn’t want mine cleaning for me because she would snoop (lovely lady but not great at respecting boundaries!).

But if your MIL isn’t likely to invade your privacy, it sounds like a good idea for both of you.

To add: I’d be REALLY clear about her jobs, and avoid the ones where judging comes into it more.

So I might not ask her to CLEAN, because then I might worry that she’s judging my cleanliness, or feel that I have to clean first 😂

But I might ask her to do all the laundry sorting, putting machine on, ironing), or change bed linen, to vacuum clean all carpets.

@Cocomarine she is always judgemental and always interferes but in a way that really only does want to help. I think she would just go over and above, doing things not asked of her, moving ornaments into a 'better place, making our tea! (God I sound really ungrateful don't I!!) Or she might be really cool? I like the idea of a temporary situation though ..... I like to think that it could work.

I love both my MIL and DM dearly but would never go for this. Mainly because they're both much more houseproud than I am and I couldn't be dealing with the judgement (and let's face it, the judgement would come my way rather than DH's ). I wouldn't like it from a privacy point of view at all.

My sister used to be my cleaner - I had a locked cabinet where I kept personal paperwork just so that I never had to wonder if she’d seen anything I wanted to stay private.
Worked perfectly for both of us 😊

@Cocomarine but surely if her job is cleaning then she can't criticise if I have missed a bit because it would have been her that missed a bit

@Just10moreminutesplease she would 100% snoop but I would be working from home so that would kind of limit her :)

Unless you want her to know every single tiny thing about you... don't.

I adored my MIL but wouldn't consider it for a second.

It’s a lovely ‘idea’, but if you think she’ll poke about and get too ‘involved’ then it’s probably better to just pay someone with professional boundaries.

A few considerations:

1. Does your MIL usually respect your boundaries? Would you trust her not to rifle through drawers for example?

2. How does your MIL respond to criticism? Will she respect your preferences?

3. How will your MIL react if you say you've changed your mind or no longer need her?

I wouldn’t; I don’t want someone i know to be in my bedroom, potentially judging how I’ve left things, rearranging things how they think it should be. I would end up practically cleaning before they come. I also think that it’s hard to address it with someone you know if they’re not doing it properly or how you want it

No way! I think it would cause problems further down the line. What privacy would you get? She would know everything!
I'm sure she'd do a great job, but as the saying goes...'Don't mix business and pleasure!'

I suppose it's not much different to MIL providing childcare and lots of people do that.

It depends on the personalities involved.

@pilates

Why did you go mental? It sounds like a good idea to me.

I wouldn't want my own mother going through my house, doing my laundry and seeing my bedroom and my undies and my partners undies let alone my MIL

Urgh. No way