Should I let MIL be our cleaner?

[Carolba]

I am due to go back to work full time next week after 12 months maternity leave and have been worried about keeping on top of the house. I don't want my precious weekends and evenings being taking up with cleaning the whole house I want to be able to enjoy that time with my DD. Talking to my DH he 100% agrees in paying for a cleaner and suggested his MIL! Now, she is an amazing cleaner, absolutely LOVES cleaning (used to have her own cleaning business) has the time and I know could do with the extra money ( I know she would happily do it for free but I would insist on paying) But I went mental, big arguement, absolutely no way and whilst DH doesn't see a problem with it he agreed to get another cleaner but insists that we can't tell his mum because she would be heartbroken and very insulted we hadn't asked her. So now, sitting here and speaking to several cleaning companies I am thinking of changing my mind! Am I mad??? It does seem crazy paying a stranger all that money when MIL would love to do it, would do an excellent job and needs the money herself? I haven't mentioned anything to DH husband yet cause if I open that conversation again there will be no going back so I want to be positive it is what I want. Have any of you had positive experiences having your MIL as a cleaner?. If I do what boundaries do I set? Or am I just setting myself for a life long horrible situation that I will never be able to get back out of? AIBU in not allowing my MIL to be our cleaner?

However nice your relationship is with your MIL Iwould find blurring the boundaries with the roles problematic.She is a MIL therefore close family member then she is your employee it's difficult to straggle.Would you be comfortable being her boss and all that could entail? I wouldn't do it because I wouldn't want to blur the lines and cause family resentments should it all out a bit pear shaped.

You’ll be running around tidying up before she cleans for fear of how she’ll judge you.

Everybody does that before the cleaner comes, don't they? Or is that just me?

I adored my MIL. But no. I value my privacy hugely, and I couldn't possibly cope with a relative or friend being my cleaner.

It's not like I have sex toys all over the place or anything hideously embarrassing. But I'm not super tidy, so bank statements sit around, I might forget to pick up a pair of used knickers off the bedroom floor before she arrives, my letter rack has stuff in it like hospital appointments etc that I might not want to explain... Nope.

I did have a FIL who loved ironing though and liked to be busy. So whenever they came to stay, the first thing he'd do (with my blessing) was attack my ironing basket. I'd save stuff up for his visit!

My sister was my cleaner and I wasn't her boss. She provided a service, I paid her. Not everything has to be aggro with a family member. 🙄

You'd be insane to do this.

With the greatest respect I would ignore PP who say it worked.

YOUR gut reaction, knowing YOUR MIL, was NO! Stick with that.

Personally I wouldn't - when my MIL decided to come abd 'help' clean when I was 9 months pregnant she was going to clean our carpet and ended up removing everything from our besside drawers abs cupboard to clean these too - THEN I heard her moanjng to my FIL saying 'well I should say something f but I'm too polite' ... god knows what she found

The issue here is that your DH needs to step up and realise you're not his maid. And if you're not his maid then you cant just pay his Mom to going back to being his maid.

If you BOTH were struggling, BOTH didnt eant to lose your free time cleaning then I'd vote go for the trial idea.

But sounds like DH is just thinking if wife won't do it, Mommy will

With the greatest respect I would ignore PP who say it worked
Why is this opinion more valid than those that say it worked for them? People are sharing there thoughts and experiences. For many it is ok 🤷‍♀️

I'd let her

Could she just do downstairs and maybe bathroom but not bedrooms ?

@SleepingStandingUp my DH does equal around the house. My point is more if he is spending hours cleaning on a weekend or I am then we are not spending the quality time together as a family which we will miss when I go back to work. The question was if people had had positive experiences having their MIL as a cleaner or if it would be a total nightmare

@Bin85 yes that's what I was thinking....that would definitely make me feel a bit more comfortable

[quote Carolba]@SleepingStandingUp my DH does equal around the house. My point is more if he is spending hours cleaning on a weekend or I am then we are not spending the quality time together as a family which we will miss when I go back to work. The question was if people had had positive experiences having their MIL as a cleaner or if it would be a total nightmare[/quote]
Well in that case id go for the trial period. I love MIL but i think she'd struggle to stick to boundaries.

In defense of my accusation about your DH
I ... have been worried about keeping on top of the house. I don't want my precious weekends and evenings being taking up with cleaning the whole house I want to be able to enjoy that time with my DD but fair enough, i took it too literally.

I wouldn’t risk souring your relationship and I’d tell my husband that was why.
It’s agonising enough raising an issue with your professional, paid cleaner, imagine having to do so with your MIL! It’s all too personal and potentially emotional.

It’s why people advise keeping business and family/ friends separate.

My MIL does my cleaning. It's fine (and free). Really not seeing the issue here.

@Westchesterarms

You’ll be running around tidying up before she cleans for fear of how she’ll judge you.

Everybody does that before the cleaner comes, don't they? Or is that just me?

Ex cleaner here people don't they REALLY REALLY DONT old client of mine left sex toys out i wasn't sure if they wanted me to polish them or fucking what I mean why would you do this? (One of the many reasons why I don't do this job anymore)

My ex mil loved to clean she was a cleaner too she "helped" at my house when my son was sick in hospital (and her son couldn't cope) she rewashed all my ironed clothes using so much powder they were stiff put the dishwasher on for one cup and one bowl daily, then again for a plate at lunch and again for tea mopped the floor several times in the hour that she was there because it looked grey (its a grey floor) basically she used a months worth of gas and more than that in washing powder all my flash rearranged my cutlery draw (seriously just dont do that) rearranged my cupboards so it "made sense" (not to me) moved furniture changed the sheets on the cot daily (the baby was in hospital) and tried to convince my then husband to leave me because I was lazy (I was in the hospital for three days I didnt come home and I left a clean house with no dirty washing no washing up and I knew where everything was!) My (now ex husband) criticised me for not being "grateful" so I rewashed our clothes (twice it had that much powder in) and not his told him to be grateful

So glad I'm divorced

I would never hire friends or family she scarred me for life 🤣

@Theunamedcat

Ex cleaner here people don't they REALLY REALLY DONT old client of mine left sex toys out i wasn't sure if they wanted me to polish them or fucking what I mean why would you do this? (One of the many reasons why I don't do this job anymore)

😲 That is shocking. I don't understand how people can be so ignorant. I'm sorry they put you through that.
So really I'm a very good customer then. 😇

Generally speaking I'd say no to close pals /family working :for me'.

But.. If she had her own company-for me this would feel different... As you're commissioning the company for a cleaning service...

But overall, you know what sort of person your MIL is like, and if you're sure there would be no argument about snooping or standards of cleaning?

I'd maybe ask her for a few weeks 'until you get back on your feet", then you can wriggle out if you need.

@notacooldad yeah apologies I didn't phrase it brilliantly. I just find endless posts about other people's MILs frustrating and arguably not relevant to OPs actual MIL.

No. Next!