AIBU “being noisy “ whilst DH working from home

[mumof2exhausted]

Husband is working from home. He has been able to go back into office for a long time, lots of his colleagues have and he goes in now and again but he prefers to work from home as can sit outside , go for runs on his lunch break etc. All fine but kids now on summer holidays and we also have a baby. He’s getting really grumpy telling us all to be quiet all the time. Just had a massive row where I told him to go back to the office if he wants silence! I’m not being unreasonable am I??

He has a home office and the ability to work in the office and he is taking up a communal space.

and now he is napping

NO YANBU at all

As recently posted in another thread...

Give the kids recorders and ask them to have a noise competition! Added sugar and tambourines would be excellent

YANBU

@19Bears

My 'd'h has been working from home for the past year and a bit. Our house is really small so he works at a tiny table in the living room, and has LBC on all day, so the kids just get on with whatever they want to do when they get in from school but are as quiet as they can be as they don't want to disturb their dad. It's draining though when I come home and all I hear is him sighing and whining about people he has to deal with on the phone. So we have tried to fit around him, be quiet, and at times I have to drop whatever I'm doing and help him with things he cant do... Anyway, he has to go back to the office soon for one day a week, and he is constantly moaning about that, how stressful it will be, how he's much more comfortable at home etc. Yeah mate, I've had to go out to work all this time, taking chances in the office with people who are positive or live with people who have tested positive, and when I come home all the housework is waiting for me, the kids want me to play as they've been bored all day, and when you finish your work you put the telly on and go to sleep on the sofa. It's all fine and dandy for me then, eh. YANBU at all.

Why on earth are you a) putting up with this and b) letting him get away with it?

Your husband is a prick. Controlling, selfish, self-absorbed, and unreasonable. What a catch.

@MrsTerryPratchett

I know I'll get called a drama llama but this is very close to emotionally abusive. He wants his environment exactly perfect while controlling the environment of you and the children. Everything is tailored to his needs, nothing to yours. He wants all the consideration and control.

That's usually called selfishness. Not emotional abuse.

Honestly the nap has sent me over the edge!!

Time for some vacuum cleaning upstairs?

Take a child into him, he'll soon wake up.
Why are you married to such as selfish pig?

Have you considered investing in some really good noise cancelling headphones? He could play white noise on them something not distracting like rain noises. But anyway def YANBU

He's really selfish. I mean, if you were teaching the trumpet or bagpipes from the same home he was trying to work in, you would be unreasonable. But he has a perfectly good office yet is choosing to occupy a communal space, then has the nerve to moan, well fuck him to the far side of fuck.

My DH WFH. He has an office in the garage. He comes into the house for coffee/tea/toilet breaks and for lunch but it's his space and we try not to disturb him. Last week BT were hacking down trees to install a new pole (so we will finally get decent broadband) and it was right outside his window. DH just got on with it. You need to take ownership the table and give him the choice of work in his home office (without moaning) or go into the office.

@mumof2exhausted YANBU. Ewww, how annoying. I would go batshit if my DH was home 24/7. I think most women would tbh. And especially if he is telling you - and the kids to BE QUIET whilst he is trying to work. I'd be soooo tempted to say 'fuck off to work then if these conditions and the NOISE is so bad.'

Men and their WFH, and conference calls, and expecting/TELLING the wife and kids to be quiet while he WORKS, are soooooooo supremely irritating. Fuck off back to the office if HOME LIFE and FAMILY life is so difficult for you to work around.

As soon as he takes his lunch break tomorrow tell him you’re going for a nap and he can mind the kids…

@CuriousaboutSamphire

As recently posted in another thread...

Give the kids recorders and ask them to have a noise competition! Added sugar and tambourines would be excellent

And a harmonica, and a drum kit. LAAAHHVLY!

As PPs say, he can wear headphones - and, for the benefit of his colleagues, he might consider a noise cancelling app if the noise suppression built-in with Zoom is inadequate.

Whistles. Arm them with whistles.

I mean, if you were teaching the trumpet or bagpipes from the same home he was trying to work in, you would be unreasonable

If that were OP's normal job, I can't see why it would be unreasonable.

Actually, that's a good idea - start the kids on learning to play instruments, the louder the better. I vote for one on the drums and another on the trumpet.

@BobbiPink

Honestly, are offices ever silent?! There’s a constant, grating background din or inane chatter in mine. I’d much rather hear my own kids playing or talking than Susan cackling at her own joke or Jane having a gossip with John.

If he doesn’t like the sound of his own kids then he can go to the office. If he wants pin drop silence, he can go to the moon.

Exactly! Most offices are not silent, and will have Sharon squealing and laughing at her antics over the weekend, and Colin guffawing and snorting and the jolly time he and Steve And Tom had over the weekend when they were fishing... And Pam chatters non-stop, and Pete keeps coughing and sniffling coz he has hayfever!

So why these bloody men expect utter silence at home when they are WFH, just baffles me.

@Geamhradh like an army of mechanical monkeys!

Mumsnet is having a very noise vengeance vibe today. Loving it all

@Soubriquet

So not only does he have the option to go to his work office, he also has an office upstairs that he can use, but instead he positions himself int he most inconvenient place, where the noise will be louder because it’s what he prefers.

And now to top it all off, he’s having a nap.

This.

He's an entitled twat.
Tell him so and tell him you and your children are entitled to enjoy their summer in their own home under the circumstances.

A nap!!!! He's one of the people giving WFH a bad name. I work 8-8 from home with most of that being teams calls and meetings. I dream of a bloody nap!!

I suggested maybe the dining room table isn’t the best idea for a conference call ( he has an office upstairs).

Of course he's taking the piss!

Keeping the noise to a reasonable level in the house is reasonable, kids don't need to scream and shout especially indoors.

Not using your own home office and bothering everybody else in the communal area is not reasonable, obviously.

We both WFH. Back ground noise and some degree of distraction from the kids was completely acceptable during lockdown and still is during periods of self isolation and home schooling. Our employer is very tolerable and colleagues very understanding. However now that this office is open and childcare provision on the whole is operating as normal (with the exception of burst bubbles) we are expected to either work in the office or confirm that our home environment is conducive to working without being interrupted or distracted, so on that basis we don't work with the kids at home. They're either in school/wrap round care or one of us is off and the other is in the office.

So in order for him to go for a run at lunchtime, you are all expected to be quiet all day?

Sod that for a (selfish) game of soldiers.

Would it be true to say he always wants everything on his terms, not just this?

Honestly Op.
I would sit him down tonight and tell him in no uncertain terms that just because he chooses to work from home ( bizarre about the kitchen table) that you and your children will be tip toeing around for the summer.
From now on i would just behave as if he wasnt there and it its too noisy for him, then tough!!

That's usually called selfishness. Not emotional abuse.

That's why I said 'close to'. It starts somewhere. And where it starts in this case is insisting on being in the most inconvenient place while expecting everyone else to change their behaviour. That's not just selfish, it's controlling.